Would you stop?

[JackJack]

If you did something your spouse or SO didn't care for, would you stop that behavior if you thought it would improve or save the relationship?

 

And yes, I'm sure it may depend on what the behavior was. How about;

 

Your spouse or SO sits on the computer all day long or pretty much all night just farting around Let's say this is a every night thing too. You express to him/her that you would like to spend quality time together as a family, especially if you have kids. It could be infront of a video game or the TV as well. You tell him/her this over and over again until you are blue in the face, but they do NOT stop.

 

Now if you are doing something or your spouse is, that you or they have no problem with then its all good, but I'm meaning if you or they have a problem with something and its reeklng havoc on the marriage or relationship, would you stop if you it would help things. Even if it were something minor? Would you bend for your spouse or SO?

[climbergirl]

If they were wanting more quality time with me, I don't see how I would turn that down....as long as it wasn't trivial or blown out of proportion.

 

If they asked me to give up a hobby--especially one I use to decompress, then I'd think they were asking too much and weren't respecting my individual preferences. And that calls into question compatibility.

 

However, If I spent all my free time with whatever hobby, then my partner probably has a right to be upset as I'd think my priorities are f*cked up.

[PandorasBox]

I would hope that if my spouse or so brought to my attnetion a behavior they didn't care for that I would stop. And it does depend on what it is though.

 

I can't see letting something like the TV, a game or computer come between me and my partner though but I'm sure it happens. My guess is, if someone is that involved in a computer or TV, that its pretty much ALL the time, reguardless of what it is they are looking at, I would think its probably because they do not care to spend any time with their spouse anyway and that is kind of like their escape maybe. I would feel very hurt if my partner chose a behavior such as not spending some kind of time with me and always was on some kind of gadget. It would make me feel unimportant and that he didn't care about the marriage, espceailly if I had told him how I felt and he didn't listen.

[JackJack]

However, If I spent all my free time with whatever hobby, then my partner probably has a right to be upset as I'd think my priorities are f*cked up.

 

Yes exactly, this is more along the lines of what I was talking about.

 

Its one thing to have a hobby or do something you enjoy, but its another when those things take priority over the family. By all means people should do what the like, surf the web, watch a TV show they like, shop or whatever their thing is, but when its ALL the time, and after a spouse or So has expressed to the other how they feel on the matter, and the other acts like he/she doesn't care, then there would be a problem.

[climbergirl]

However, If I spent all my free time with whatever hobby, then my partner probably has a right to be upset as I'd think my priorities are f*cked up.

 

Yes exactly, this is more along the lines of what I was talking about.

 

Its one thing to have a hobby or do something you enjoy, but its another when those things take priority over the family. By all means people should do what the like, surf the web, watch a TV show they like, shop or whatever their thing is, but when its ALL the time, and after a spouse or So has expressed to the other how they feel on the matter, and the other acts like he/she doesn't care, then there would be a problem.[/quote]

 

Like pandorasbox said, it would make a SO feel unimportant. Ignoring your partners feelings is a pathway to disaster.

 

But is this a continual thing or a couple weeks of escapism?

[JackJack]

But is this a continual thing or a couple weeks of escapism?

 

 

I think its pretty much an all the time thing.

 

The reason I brought this up is a co-worker was telling about how his wife, is always either on the phone wor on the computer, and they never spend time together. They both work, but when they come home the computer is the first thign she goes for. Checking mail, or surfing, and its pretty much all done with him in the same room, so its not like she is hiding anything or doing something she shouldn't.

 

He was just saying that he has told her on many occasions how he feels about the computer useage or her being on the phone with her mother or another family member. He feels like he is not important and that she would rather do these other things than be with him. He also said, he got really upset one evening about her surfing the web and ignoring him that when he asked her to get off the computer, she did but she acted like it killed her to spend time with him.

 

Doesn't sound like she needs to be married.

[Pyro]

If you did something your spouse or SO didn't care for, would you stop that behavior if you thought it would improve or save the relationship?

 

And yes, I'm sure it may depend on what the behavior was. How about;

 

Your spouse or SO sits on the computer all day long or pretty much all night just farting around Let's say this is a every night thing too. You express to him/her that you would like to spend quality time together as a family, especially if you have kids. It could be infront of a video game or the TV as well. You tell him/her this over and over again until you are blue in the face, but they do NOT stop.

 

Now if you are doing something or your spouse is, that you or they have no problem with then its all good, but I'm meaning if you or they have a problem with something and its reeklng havoc on the marriage or relationship, would you stop if you it would help things. Even if it were something minor? Would you bend for your spouse or SO?

 

Of course. If she voiced to me that we weren't spending enough time together due to computer time, I would cut back. Relationships are about compromise and to sometimes bend more than you want to, but as long as the other does some bending as well, then its all good.