she came back

[njrocket24]

I've been going NC for over a year now with small breaks initiated by her. They come at about every 3 months. She'll tell me how miserable she is with her new guy, and about us having a future together, or another chance. She is currently still with him, but by her own admission I was better, adn she was happier with me. I'll throw some quotes in so you can see the exact sentences.

 

nxxxxx(5:17:56 PM): but i don't think you regret your choices at all

Fxxxxx (5:18:22 PM): i'm not as happy as i was with you

 

Fxxxxxx (5:37:10 PM): but i just always have this feeling that you and me are supposed to end up together someday

Fxxxxxx(5:37:43 PM): even years down the road i could see myself being hapy with you

 

Fxxxxxxxx (11:20:53 PM): i know it's just not logical for right now..and that sucks..but i just keep thinking that things could fall back into place with us one day when we're both ready for it

 

Fxxxxxxxxxxx (12:43:05 AM): i guess, i just get scared that you're just gonna fade away and we'll never see each other again, and you'll think bad about me

nxxxxxxxxx (12:44:00 AM): i don't think bad about you

nxxxxxxxxxx (12:44:10 AM): i just think what happened was completley ****ed up

nxxxxxxxxxxx (12:44:13 AM): and ruined a good thing

nxxxxxxxxxxx(12:44:20 AM): and brought bad things on everyone

 

 

So basically it goes on like this. I give her nothing, and she's all apologetic and talking about things like missing me, the future, refrencing another chance, and things like that. The catch is that I tell her that we can't even think about talking, if she's still with the guy that she cheated on me with and dumped me for. I tell her this straight and she's not sure if she's gonna do that or not. So basically she breaks down and does stuff like this every 3 months or so. I think her intentions are that she's too scared to break up with him and she wants me. She's too afraid of what my friends/family would say if she came back. I think she's just overall too scared to make a move, and just having this convo was probably nerve racking for her.

 

Can anyone offer some insight to what may be going on here?

[Carl321]

Dude, actions speak louder than words. If a woman is truly in love with a man and wants to be with him, she will move heaven and earth to make that happen. Fear of what others may think if she comes crawling back is never enough to stop her from doing that. Her pride would go out the window if there was no doubt in her mind that you were the one for her.

 

Of course she still has feelings for you, and she is afraid to lose you, but it is not enough. SHE IS WITH ANOTHER DUDE. That is all you need to know. Do not respond to any of her attempts to contact you in the future UNLESS they contain the magic words: "I am leaving this guy and want to be with you." And even in that circumstance i would warn you against going back with her, but i could say that until i am blue in the face and i dont think you would listen.

 

This woman is totally selfish--she is not letting go of you, and she knows she can have you anytime she wants. You are being played. A relationship with her is already a very slim possibility, and there is ZERO possibility of it happening if you keep responding to her overtures every few months like this. CUT HER OFF COMPLETELY!!!

[Guest]

If she's not willing to leave her current relationship for you, then is she someone you really want to be with?

 

How is it fair that she comes to you every three months and says, "I miss you I'm not happy without you... but I won't leave them to be with you."

 

That's not fair to you at all, and I'm sure it really plays with your emotions.

 

I think you're making this more complicated than it is.. you know what you need to do and what would be best for you.

 

Tell her that she either needs to leave him and be with you, or stop playing with your emotions.

[princesspeaches]

Dude, actions speak louder than words. If a woman is truly in love with a man and wants to be with him, she will move heaven and earth to make that happen. Fear of what others may think if she comes crawling back is never enough to stop her from doing that. Her pride would go out the window if there was no doubt in her mind that you were the one for her.

 

Carl is right, I'm about to move across the country to be with the man I love more than anything else in this world. My entire family hates him, can't stand him and some have said they'll never forgive me. I don't care. I'm not afraid of them being mad, I'm afraid of losing him for forever. They'll get over being mad, I'll never get over him. I don't know about the pride comment, I don't have that problem. My pride was never a concern for my heart.

 

Of course she still has feelings for you, and she is afraid to lose you, but it is not enough. SHE IS WITH ANOTHER DUDE. That is all you need to know. Do not respond to any of her attempts to contact you in the future UNLESS they contain the magic words: "I am leaving this guy and want to be with you." And even in that circumstance i would warn you against going back with her, but i could say that until i am blue in the face and i dont think you would listen.

 

This woman is totally selfish--she is not letting go of you, and she knows she can have you anytime she wants. You are being played. A relationship with her is already a very slim possibility, and there is ZERO possibility of it happening if you keep responding to her overtures every few months like this. CUT HER OFF COMPLETELY!!!

 

The line she is afraid to lose you, that's true too. I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but I've strung guys along giving them false hope because I enjoy the attention that I wasn't getting from my significant other. I know how sad that sounds, but its really only two guys, and well I've never felt bad because of how our relationships ended but it sounds like she's keeping you for that attention shes craving. I think carl is right, you should cut her off. block her. It's only going to make things harder for yourself.

[juk]

 

This woman is totally selfish--she is not letting go of you, and she knows she can have you anytime she wants. You are being played.

 

That's the way it looks to me.

[CaliGuy]

Believe none of what someone says to you.

Believe everything they do in relation to you.

 

She isn't coming to you. She's keeping you in her back pocket in case things don't work out with the new guy.

 

Do yourself a favor and forget her and find someone else. If she really wanted to be with you, she would be. Period.

[njrocket24]

Thanks for the input.

 

What you've been saying is usually what I tell her when she does this, and I get really mad about it. I say like you say you're sorry but if you're still with him, how can you be sorry. Actions are louder than words and so on. I understand where you're coming from cause i feel the same way. She said the other day that she's considering breaking up, personally i don't think she has the balls but we'll see what happens. Until then, I'm back to NC.

[princesspeaches]

She said the other day that she's considering breaking up, personally i don't think she has the balls but we'll see what happens. Until then, I'm back to NC.

 

I'm sorry, but considering breaking up with him for you? If she loved you at all there would be nothing to consider. Nothing. The guy I love just sent me an email and I dropped everything for him. Even a guy friend that I had been considering settling for cause I was convinced we would never work out. There was nothing to consider. He said he wants us together, and it took a heartbeat to forget everyone else. Stick with the no contact period, if she loved you the first time you asked her to make a choice she would have chosen you.

 

I know you've been waiting for her, but ask yourself this; even if she breaks up with him are you ever really going to be happy knowing that your her second choice?

[Trialbyfire]

Dude, actions speak louder than words. If a woman is truly in love with a man and wants to be with him, she will move heaven and earth to make that happen. Fear of what others may think if she comes crawling back is never enough to stop her from doing that. Her pride would go out the window if there was no doubt in her mind that you were the one for her.

 

Of course she still has feelings for you, and she is afraid to lose you, but it is not enough. SHE IS WITH ANOTHER DUDE. That is all you need to know. Do not respond to any of her attempts to contact you in the future UNLESS they contain the magic words: "I am leaving this guy and want to be with you." And even in that circumstance i would warn you against going back with her, but i could say that until i am blue in the face and i dont think you would listen.

 

This woman is totally selfish--she is not letting go of you, and she knows she can have you anytime she wants. You are being played. A relationship with her is already a very slim possibility, and there is ZERO possibility of it happening if you keep responding to her overtures every few months like this. CUT HER OFF COMPLETELY!!!

Yup, I would agree with this wholeheartedly.