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I am new to discussion boards. I decided on this route because I was interested in objective opinion. I am a woman in an unhappy marriage. A single man who is several years younger than me is interested. He is a person that I believe I could find happiness with but I am not certain how sincere his interest is. Knowing that men typically don't like the "serious" discussions I have hesitate to broach the subject of "where do he/I/we want this to go." He refers to us as friends, but our discussions and physical contacts have gone way beyond what I consider friendship.

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STOP! DON'T DO IT!

 

Sorry for shouting :). Seriously, take this as a red flag that something is very wrong with your marriage. Go to your husband, even if he doesn't listen, and tell him why you are unhappy.

 

Either fix your marriage or get divorced. Then you can date. Not before

 

No good can come of having an affair with this other guy. Think about it. What can come of it? You feel good in the relationship, which isn't based on reality, and leave your husband.....only to have to redefine your "affair" once you are divorced....and how could you ever trust this guy not to cheat with another married woman.

 

You are unhappy. You deserve to be happy. This is NOT the way to do it. This guy is not the answer to your prayers. He is a signal to fix your life. YOU must fix your life and be whole before you will be ready for the right guy.

 

Otherwise, in your current emotional state, you will pick a loser and won't even know it!!

 

I speak from experience. I was once you. I was miserable with my husband. We tried therapy. I couldn't change anything. I almost had an affair.

 

I chose to leave my husband instead. It took some time, but I'm happy now. I had to focus on myself and not get distracted (like you are getting ready to do with this guy.)

 

Whatever you do, don't make this other guy part of the equation. It's all about YOU, not him.

 

You CAN be happy with someone else. Just not this way, at this time. Fix your life FIRST.

 

This is a big wake up call to change your life, not have an affair. Doing that will only prolong your agony.

 

The first step is taking some ALONE time and figuring out why you are unhappy, and how you want your life to be. The second step is having a heart-to-heart discussion with your husband to decide whether or not you can meet each other's needs. The third step is taking action to get those needs met....but only in the context of having good character.

 

Don't lose yourself and your character. It's all you have left. And it's a lot!

 

PM me anytime. I really do understand. Your post touched me.

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So you're in an unhappy marriage and your answer to have an affair and screw somebody else's life over, too? What if this man truly cares about you? How long do you plan to keep him hanging in an affair, waiting for you to sh*t or get off the pot with your marriage? How long will you lie and cheat on your husband?

 

Reconsider your plan before you and everyone else around you lives to regret it.

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whichwayisup
I am a woman in an unhappy marriage.

 

Then either divorce your husband or fix your marriage by going to counselling. DO NOT go cheat on your husband because you are unhappy. I mean, does your husband know that you're feeling this way? Have you talked to him about this? Let him know what needs of yours aren't being met? Do you love him? Or are you not feeling sexually attracted to him anymore?

And, I have to ask, are there kids in this situation? If you have children, then you owe it to them to work on your marriage and try your best to fix things before throwing in the towel.

 

The OM shouldn't be part of this equation at all...Unless he is the reason why you're unhappy now. How was life before he entered into the picture?

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I am new to discussion boards. I decided on this route because I was interested in objective opinion. I am a woman in an unhappy marriage. A single man who is several years younger than me is interested. He is a person that I believe I could find happiness with but I am not certain how sincere his interest is. Knowing that men typically don't like the "serious" discussions I have hesitate to broach the subject of "where do he/I/we want this to go." He refers to us as friends, but our discussions and physical contacts have gone way beyond what I consider friendship.

 

Wait, are you talking about having an affair or are you thinking about leaving your husband for a relationship with this guy. If it's the latter, stop, take a deep breath, and think....

 

Unhappy relationships take two people, as bad as my exs treated me I was still the common factor in both relationships. I divorced one, and got into a relationship within months with the second. I didn't take time to figure out what I wanted, I didn't take time to heal, and I didn't take time to fix whatwas wrong with me.

 

A few years later I looked at my perfect man and could hardly tell the difference between the first husband and my prince charming. I've been seperated for ten months now, I'm still "dating" my ex, but our contact has been limited, and I'm taking time to really figure out what I need to fix before I get involved with anyone else...

 

I have someone else who has been interested in me but I realize that now is not the time to enter into another relationship. Especially coming out of a bad relationship.

 

Right now you are a tiger pacing the cage, and freedom looks good. So good in fact, that it's easy to escape one cage only to find yourself right back in a different kind of cage.

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