UIhere Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Ok, so my wife has been chatting through email with my co-worker. It was originally asking questions about his baby and such and getting dirt on him and another co-worker that were dating since his divorce, but now has become more everyday killing time and some semi joking/flirting. The guy is known for lying and spreading rumors around about sleeping with other co-workers wives. In the emails to her he always asks her if it's okay with me if they chat and stuff because he wouldn't want to piss me off. I've seen the emails and they have been harmless, but it bugs me a bit. I think more so because he is known for spreading rumors around the office as mentioned above. I've explained what he does to my wife and she said she would personally come to my work and kick his ass if I ever caught wind of a rumor about it anything at all. The good thing is i would know if it was a rumor or truth(i have my ways) and I'm not worried about my wife doing anything, but I'm worried that he will spread one to boost his ego and then I'll have to deal with that hanging over me at work. If I tell her to cut contact with him, I'm sure he will find out and then I'll have some jealous psychopath rumor spread around at work. What would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 What would you do? I would expect my wife to put an end to this. If she's not willing to do so then you have a real problem in your marriage. Quite frankly, I would question why it got to the flirting stage to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UIhere Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 I would expect my wife to put an end to this. If she's not willing to do so then you have a real problem in your marriage. Quite frankly, I would question why it got to the flirting stage to begin with. I'm sure my wife would stop emailing him, but that's not really the point im concerned about. Not trying to make my first post abrasive, but them chatting is not my worries. I chat with other female co-workers, it means nothing. 'm guessing your male. How many times have you jokingly flirted with a woman and they were disgusted? none, exactly. women love attention. I've read all of the emails, I'm not bothered by the small talk or joking around. I'm more worried about his long string of lies pulling my wife into this big office rumor that I've seen happen time and time again and yes I could demand she stop chatting with him, but that puts me as the jealous husband, which would only fuel the situation. I did ask for your opinions and I'm thankful for the reply and don't mean to put off your reply. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Why is it so hard for you to tell your wife you don't want to be the butt of office rumors and jokes about her and this dude? I would think you wouldn't even have to ask her to stop emailing - she'd just do it on her own because she wouldn't want you to be made a fool of in your office. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 I'm sure my wife would stop emailing him, but that's not really the point im concerned about. Not trying to make my first post abrasive, but them chatting is not my worries. I chat with other female co-workers, it means nothing. 'm guessing your male. How many times have you jokingly flirted with a woman and they were disgusted? none, exactly. women love attention. I've read all of the emails, I'm not bothered by the small talk or joking around. I'm more worried about his long string of lies pulling my wife into this big office rumor that I've seen happen time and time again and yes I could demand she stop chatting with him, but that puts me as the jealous husband, which would only fuel the situation. I did ask for your opinions and I'm thankful for the reply and don't mean to put off your reply. Then it sounds like what's good for the goose is good for the gander, so what's the issue? Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 OK I gotta weigh in on this one because...if you are not worried about your wife's fidelity then you have NOTHING to worry about. Here is the thing that has taken me a long time to learn but since it dawned on me it seems SOOOO consistently true. Even though people in the office don't typically vocalize it...they know who is who. In other words, if someone is an arrogant a**hole then everyone knows it even if they don't say so. If someone is full of crap spreading rumors then other people DO know that. I have learned this from many years of being frustrated by coworkers and then finally venting to another coworker, etc only to find out that everybody pretty much has everybody else pegged. Oh there is the odd clueless one and the even rarer SHOCKER...but it sounds like if this guy is a rumor monger, everybody knows it and doesn't really take anything he has to say seriously... At least I hope that's the case Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Ok, so my wife has been chatting through email with my co-worker. It was originally asking questions about his baby and such and getting dirt on him and another co-worker that were dating since his divorce, but now has become more everyday killing time and some semi joking/flirting. It depends on the tone of the chat; there are a lot of different levels of flirting. "You have a nice personality" is a lot different than "You have a nice ass". What kind of language is being used? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 so today I'm home from work sick and decide to log into my wife's email to see if she's chatting with him and of course she is. They were chatting about his recent ex who also works with us and how she's still trying to control him. He was saying how she's mad he chats with my wife. So they talked about her for a bit and then he was like "i need a drink after work". and she chimed in how she was thinking about stopping off for a drink after work and how I wouldn't be with her because im home sick. He did the right thing and said he would stop by but doesn't want me to think he's trying to mess with my wife and that it would be weird be cause he and i are cool. so my wife then crossed the line and said she would just tell me he showed up while she was there. At this point I call her at work and just to kinda feel her out and give her a little insight to the knowledge I have of the whole thing. So, she is supposed to go pick up a cake tonight for her boss and stop by my parents house to pick something up and I tell her I want to go. She asks me what's wrong and I tell her "nothing". If I open up this can of worms while she's at work it will be harder to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 now their discussing if I have her password to her emial and if im reading her emails or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 what's pissing me off is he of all people is doing the right thing and not making advances and it's my wife that is being a whore!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 nevermind...he just emailed his work number for her to call if she wanted. i think i deleted those emails before she got them though. hopefully if she does call him it will be from her cell where I'll have record of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 some advice as to how to handle this? Link to post Share on other sites
mockeryjones Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 some advice as to how to handle this? if it were me i would confront immediately. so what if she is at work, she is crossing the line that should not be crossed. just think if you wait until she gets home, irreperable damage might already have been done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 if it were me i would confront immediately. so what if she is at work, she is crossing the line that should not be crossed. just think if you wait until she gets home, irreperable damage might already have been done. if i confront her while at work she wont come home after work Link to post Share on other sites
mockeryjones Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 if i confront her while at work she wont come home after work i don't understand, why would she not come home after work if you told her this was serious to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 i don't understand, why would she not come home after work if you told her this was serious to you? because i caught her red handed and she will have no excuse for what she did. we've been together 7 years, i know she won't show her face here. in another update. she texted me asking what was wrong and I told her we would talk later and her reply was "whatever" already pissed because she knows I know and feels guilty Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Only four days to see it go down though....that's got to be some kind of record..... My opinion is that it's totally ill adviced for a married person to chat with members of the opposite sex, flirt with the opposite sex, or befriend the opposite sex. You should've printed off the last communique' to show her when she got home.... Unfortunately, you're just as guilty for flirting with other women. So your recourse for her, "wrong doing", will only be met with, "Well you flirt with other women, how do I know you haven't been talked into a drink before?" My advice, ask your wife what she wants to do. Have an affair, or cut off communication totally with this man. Depending on her response, I would then confront this man and make it known to him communication between the two will not be tolerated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 Only four days to see it go down though....that's got to be some kind of record..... My opinion is that it's totally ill adviced for a married person to chat with members of the opposite sex, flirt with the opposite sex, or befriend the opposite sex. You should've printed off the last communique' to show her when she got home.... Unfortunately, you're just as guilty for flirting with other women. So your recourse for her, "wrong doing", will only be met with, "Well you flirt with other women, how do I know you haven't been talked into a drink before?" My advice, ask your wife what she wants to do. Have an affair, or cut off communication totally with this man. Depending on her response, I would then confront this man and make it known to him communication between the two will not be tolerated. the difference is the female i talked to was a co-worker and we discussed office gossip and it was NEVER in any email suggested we hangout outside of work. Plus I didn't delete the emails so my couldn't find them I left them in my email box knowing my wife has the password and would check it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 luckily my co-worker who has been chatting with my wife has primarily used his work email account. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 2 years ago my wife had an "online" affair and tried to take it further with the guy but he denied her because she was married. If I was going to go throught he trouble of cheating, I would just divorce my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
mockeryjones Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 because i caught her red handed and she will have no excuse for what she did. we've been together 7 years, i know she won't show her face here. in another update. she texted me asking what was wrong and I told her we would talk later and her reply was "whatever" already pissed because she knows I know and feels guilty seems to me you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. i'd stioll do it. i'd also let her know I expect to see her right after work whatever her other plans might have been. but that's just me. i'd have also already put my co worker on notice that if he talks with her again they'll find him in pieces scattered across the eastern seaborad but that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 seems to me you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. i'd stioll do it. i'd also let her know I expect to see her right after work whatever her other plans might have been. but that's just me. i'd have also already put my co worker on notice that if he talks with her again they'll find him in pieces scattered across the eastern seaborad but that's just me. i actually have a bit of dirt on my co-worker if it gets to that. i think he will respect the fact that I don't want him talking to her, but I want to get my wife inline first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 i love how she waits until after we book a $3k vacation to do this ****. thank god we don't have kids yet! Link to post Share on other sites
HerrJ Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 My marriage ended because of a similar situation. Started out much like yours. Friendly chatting at work led to hanging out after work led to a full blown affair. The guy even told me if I had a problem with them chatting and hanging out that he'd back off. I never thought my wife to be the cheating kind, so I had no problems with it. At least I got some satisfaction out of it as the guy was fired for running up a gigantic cell phone bill as well as wasting company time for flirting with my wife. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 My marriage ended because of a similar situation. Started out much like yours. Friendly chatting at work led to hanging out after work led to a full blown affair. The guy even told me if I had a problem with them chatting and hanging out that he'd back off. I never thought my wife to be the cheating kind, so I had no problems with it. At least I got some satisfaction out of it as the guy was fired for running up a gigantic cell phone bill as well as wasting company time for flirting with my wife. Good luck! yea, I will probably have all of his emails pulled and now his phone calls. Hopefully she will fess up and agree she screwed up. She hasn't actually "cheated" yet, but it's close enough to hurt and make me look like a fool at work. Link to post Share on other sites
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