Moose Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 What I meant was to give her the choice.. By saying 'I really hope that you will come home right after work so we can talk about some things', instead of basically telling her what to do.. By giving her the choice she is more adpt to come home and hear what he has to say. If she doesn't want to work on things, ie. goto counseling then there is not much more you can do. Your best alternative is then to just say that you are no longer allowing her to disrespect you like this and that you need to move on.I guess we just have different definitions of, "choice". "I really hope you will", is too open ended for my taste. "If you choose to go out with this guy after work, your stuff will be outside" IS a lot clearer in my mind...... Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 I guess we just have different definitions of, "choice". "I really hope you will", is too open ended for my taste. "If you choose to go out with this guy after work, your stuff will be outside" IS a lot clearer in my mind...... sounds like an ultimatum to me..............? Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 sounds like an ultimatum to me..............? Guess so. And you know me a4a, I'm totally against ultimatums. In this case, I don't see any other way to make the ramifications clear to her. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 well I think if he can talk with her and let her know that her behavior actually causes great pain and is destructive to their marriage it will go a lot further than saying get your ass home or your crap is on the porch. At this point. If she chooses to continue this behavior after it is clearly stated to her that she is indeed hurting him/them and putting the M in grave danger..... then yes pack the crap and put it on the porch and don't open the door to her again. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 well I think if he can talk with her and let her know that her behavior actually causes great pain and is destructive to their marriage it will go a lot further than saying get your ass home or your crap is on the porch. At this point. If she chooses to continue this behavior after it is clearly stated to her that she is indeed hurting him/them and putting the M in grave danger..... then yes pack the crap and put it on the porch and don't open the door to her again.Based on this:2 years ago my wife had an "online" affair and tried to take it further with the guy but he denied her because she was married.It's already at the point of packing in my mind.....that's just me though.... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 I agree with Moose (can't believe it) mainly because it is not the first offense and his wife seems to not be one bit remorseful... quite the contrary... Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 I guess we just have different definitions of, "choice". "I really hope you will", is too open ended for my taste. "If you choose to go out with this guy after work, your stuff will be outside" IS a lot clearer in my mind...... If you go by my suggestion then you'll get her real answer, not something she is forced to do. If she refuses to come home right after work then it's very apparent that she doesn't want to work on the marriage and is only being selfish. However in all of this we are only getting one side of the story. There are 3 sides to every story: Hers, His, and the Truth. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 OP, I am pretty much in agreement with jmargel here. You need to take control of this - fast. First of all, you need to talk to your wife about this and do it in the right way. I know it's difficult but you should try to control your anger at this point and be objective about your relationship. What she is doing is inexcusable, and it's obviously going somewhere beyond the boundaries of just good old communication. But I think you have to have a hear-to-heart discussion about the stae of your relationship first. Just admit that your relationship has problems and that you'd like to work with her to solve them. I think toomany times people focus on the act of cheating, which is understandable, but not productive. Going ballastic on her might make you feel good and you might feel justified in doing so; she on the other hand might secretly think you suck in bed, that you're a lousy husband and that she's miserable in the relationship, and she may not feel the slightest bit of guilt. She may even resent you for making her feel worse about it. That does not in any way mean that what she is doing is right - it's clearly not. I think you have to talk with her but make her know that if she wants to save the relationship she absolutely must cut off contact with this guy. But again, how you tell her this is important. Once you've gotten things straight with her - and I'd do that ASAP - you'd better get real about your co-worker: he is a snake in the grass. You already knew the moment they started emailing each other what was going to happen, but you also probably come across as the kind of guy who is too friendly to stand up and confront him. Your co-worker seems like the kind of guy who is good with women, and if he's out shagging housewives he's probably got a good beat on how to slip past the jealous husband radar. But he's not a village idiot: he's being careful not to leave any evidence behind that would make you think that he's the one initiating things here, when in reality he knows exactly which buttons to push when it comes to your wife. I would initially confront your co-worker in a non-threatening way and just ask him what exactly is the nature behind their communication. At the end of the conversation, I would probably just say that you and your wife have issues to resolve and that you don't think that it's a good idea for the two of them to communicate. And if he continues after that, I would not be so nice about it the next time. Link to post Share on other sites
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