cheater vs cheater

[Guest]

My SO and I started going together for as few years. I was in another relationship that was not very healthy, that relationship lasted longer, and he convinced me to leave my ex for him. Recently My SO cheated on me with a co-worker and we managed to get past it and we are still together. We are doing well and although we still have a hard time everynow and again, we are dedicated to each other.

 

He is completely sorry and has done everything that i have wanted: He transfer jobs,changed all contact numbers, I have every password and code to everything including his job. He calls me every hour to two on the dime just a completely faith man. The reason that I continued to stay with him when I found out of his affair is because he had no idea that I never really cut ties with the ex. I felt that is was sort of a KARMA thing that was getting back at me.

 

I stopped sleeping with my ex about a year ago and my SO has no idea that I even had contact with the ex. Funny thing is that my ex is not even half the lover my SO is and I continued to sleep with him. I have contact with my ex every couple of months nothing sexual just a casual lunch or dinner how have you been type thing and now I feel completely in love with my SO. My ex and I still have feelings but they are not like we want each other. I know if my SO was to find out he would go crazy and leave, and I have stopped,Its been at least three months since I last contacted him and I do wonder how he is doing but I feel like its time to just be honest and be with the one who makes me happy, my SO.

 

The more the days pass and the happier we are I feel a little guilty of all the times I wronged him and got away with it. I put him through hell with his affair and he still stuck around to make it work with me. '

So my question is should I risk it all to be honest, or should I just let it pass and prepare for our future?

We are not married yet but we do live together and he has been hinting marriage in the near future with all his co workers and our closes friends.

 

I really want to be honest and I really don't want to lose him.

[BlueEyedSarah]

I don't think I am much help with this situation so don't follow my advice, best to wait for a more better responce.

 

I am unsure if it would be good to tell him or not since he is planning so much for you and the fact you kept it secret for a while also does not help the matter either.

 

I would say it would be worth mentioning it to him and then it is up to him wether or not he forgives you for what you have done. At least you would have the guilt off your chest and you will feel good for telling him.

 

Though there is the pros and cons of telling him what you did.

 

If you tell him you may risk losing him or him losing trust for you if he sticks around and if he does not trust you again that can risk a downfull in your relationship.

 

Would you be able to move on from what you have done, say the past is past and try forget about what you done without the risk of losing him, but honestly would that be fair on him? Especially if he finds out from someone else about what you have done.

 

In my opinion i think its something you need to weigh the pros and cons out yourself, not seek advice from a forum and be a nodding duck to what people say you should do on here as everyone is diffrent.

 

Like I said, if you tell him you may have to prepare for the risk of either losing him or him never able to trust you again.