Daddymac98 Posted November 17, 2002 Share Posted November 17, 2002 Hello all a lil advice please? a few months ago i told my girlfriend that we should just take a break from each other. it wasn't because i was interested in anyone else or anything, but i just kinda wanted time for myself and to enjoy being single again. this lasted for about 3 days or so and then she began to call and come by unexpected. i tried to tell her that i really needed this time to just reflect but she wouldn't/ couldn't accept this. this went on for about a week and finally i took her back. Not because i wanted her back but because i just didn't want to hurt her. whenever i see her crying it just kills me inside. although i love her, i feel as though the feeling which i had for her aren't there anymore. i just hate putting her through anything liek this it just feels as if i'm in this relationship for her and not because i want to be... i hope i dun't sound selfish. i just wish i knew what to do... thanks for any advice Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted November 17, 2002 Share Posted November 17, 2002 Between doing what you want to do and doing what you need to do. You'll never be happy unless you follow your heart. You need to tell her again what you need, and next time do not let her do this to you. change your phone number if you have to, she won't give up easily, but you have to keep it up and she will eventually give up. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted November 17, 2002 Share Posted November 17, 2002 i know it's hard to break up, but if you don't care for the girl, then it is best to let her go. you are doing it for you and for her. she needs to be with someone that cares (she thinks it's you). if you don't follow through, you'll be held hostage. how pathetic is a person who wants someone that doesn't want them? very pathetic, it can only make you think less of her each day. i know you don't want to hurt her, but maybe she needs to hear those words from your mouth "i don't love you, i don't want you in my life. there is nothing you can do or say to make me want you." Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 17, 2002 Share Posted November 17, 2002 The most unfortunate thing about all this is that if she immediately got out of your life and gave you the space you asked for...didn't call you or contact you in any way...you would probably become infinitely more attracted to her. People who grovel like she does...and men do it probably as much or more than women...become annoyances, nuisances...and seal their fates of never, ever getting back with the objects of their love. There is NOTHING more pathetic and unsexy in the world than for someone to behave as she is behaving. If she disappeared from your life, you would be so curious. And there is nothing more attractive than a person who is aloof and can seemingly do just fine without us. Print out this post, cut out the second and third paragraphs and send them to her. Maybe it will help her in her next relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Amneris Posted November 17, 2002 Share Posted November 17, 2002 I see your point, but utlimately it becomes a game of cat and mouse, for she might just pretend to be aloof and not interested to get him more interested. Eventually that fails when the real colors show thru.. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted November 17, 2002 Share Posted November 17, 2002 yes, but "playing aloof" is not the same as actually being aloof -- and it's the subtle implications of genuinely not caring about the relationship that tend to attract the kind of people who otherwise wouldn't care themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted November 17, 2002 Share Posted November 17, 2002 i know that when someone pursues me and i am not interested in them, they repulse me. the reasons i may not be interested may vary depending on the person and the situation, but the end result is always the same. amneris is right when she says that there are some people who try to generate interest in another by pretending to be aloof and independent. those both parties in that scenario play games. tony is especially right about the end result of such manipulation. since i don't play games with other people's hearts, it is hard sometimes for men to hear what i have to say and take it in. either they think i'm being coy, or that i'm playing hard to get to get them to pursue me harder. neither is true. i mean what i say and i say what i mean. and i would appreciate it if they would respect my requests and "go". as they pursue me harder, i get more and more repulsed. prison bars just pop up before me. if i could walk away from my first husband, the "love" of my life, i can walk away from anyone or anything. and it tore me up to say "no" to his reconciliation and i regretted it for almost a year, until i saw him doing the same things to his current wife that he did to me. i realized he is very dysfunctional and needy and it was the best thing i could have done to let him go. i would have never grown if i didn't leave him. the guy that i have posted about before is very sick. he manipulated my second husband to not work on our marriage, he made my work life (from the client end as well as internally) so miserable that i did leave (which is what he wanted). he was so miserable with his own life and so miserable with himself that he really believed that he had to destroy my life so that i would see him in a favorable light. how sick is that? and yet he continues to play his games, because he is a coward and hides behind his puppets (at work currently he has two, ellen and vinny) to try and manipulate and get info on me. it will probably take another 6 months till he gets it in his head that i am not attracted to who he is inside. he can get all the counseling in the world, and i will still see him the same way: needy, obsessive, sick, dysfunctional,etc. he is an ugly little man - why? because of who he is inside. not because of the outside. so as far as games go, i've seen it all this year. Link to post Share on other sites
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