KittenMoon Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 ...Because I'm not real sure I get it. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 It's just an excuse for the inevitable. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 It means you are still hung up on your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 … that you are more than willing to commit yourself physically and socially to a relationship, but guard your heart heavily. Usually when someone gets burned bad by love, or who can't let go of someone they cared deeply about, we say that person is emotionally unavailable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittenMoon Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 … that you are more than willing to commit yourself physically and socially to a relationship, but guard your heart heavily. Usually when someone gets burned bad by love, or who can't let go of someone they cared deeply about, we say that person is emotionally unavailable. Is the the whole concept? Is it applicable in situations where there is no former heartbreak, or ex, or traumatic situation, etc? I ask because I was wasn't sure if it related to people who ACT emotional about something, but take no steps to remedy the situation. Or who do not react emotionally to an emotional situation (for ex. just saying "sh*t happens" on 9/11 or something). Or only act emotional about something when backed into a corner about it. (not necessarily romatically, but in general) I guess in my mind I have always thought "emotionally unavailable" had a broader meaning than just in relation to romantic relationships. That's why I asked. I want to make sure I'm thinking about it in the right context, but sounds like maybe I haven't been. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 To me it's a lot like "I love you I'm just not in love with you" or "I'm not ready for commitment" or "lets just be friends" Link to post Share on other sites
Kwo-ne'-she Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Emotionally unavailable seems fairly self explanatory. For whatever reason, a person's emotions aren't there. Be it because of previous heartbreak, their lack of desire for a committed relationship, or various other reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
bluetuesday Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Is the the whole concept? Is it applicable in situations where there is no former heartbreak, or ex, or traumatic situation, etc? I ask because I was wasn't sure if it related to people who ACT emotional about something, but take no steps to remedy the situation. Or who do not react emotionally to an emotional situation (for ex. just saying "sh*t happens" on 9/11 or something). Or only act emotional about something when backed into a corner about it. (not necessarily romatically, but in general) I guess in my mind I have always thought "emotionally unavailable" had a broader meaning than just in relation to romantic relationships. That's why I asked. I want to make sure I'm thinking about it in the right context, but sounds like maybe I haven't been. emotionally unavailable is usually taken to mean that a person's heart isn't in one thing because it's already in something else. it applies to romantic situations where people are still emotionally attached to exs, but it can also apply where romance is not on the cards too. i am emotionally unavailable for a relationship, because i am celibate. i am also physically unavailable for one. people who don't seem to care much about things or don't show much emotion could be classed as emotionally distant, if you need to put a label on it. but the word 'unavailable' suggests to me that someone has the potential to be available, they're just not yet. or they're not with you. or they're not in a certain situation. it doesn't mean they will always be unavailable to everyone in every situation. THAT would be more like emotionally distant. or cold. or unemotional. yeah, really not sure this is of much help now i've read it back. i need food. i can't think til i've had some tea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittenMoon Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 Thanks for the clarification all. I think I just tended to clump things like "emotionally distant" and "emotionally immature" or what have you all under the heading of "emotionally unavailable". Like I said, I just wanted to make sure I was using the term in the right context. (not that I've been using the term, I just had this feeling I wasn't quite thinking about it right when I saw others using it) Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 That's a good point, bluetuesday - "emotionally unavailable" is implying that the emotional and the physical can be decoupled. Which is a bit ridiculous. Actually, now that I come to think of it, I could be emotionally unavailable. Yes, that makes sense. Does anybody fancy a shag? Link to post Share on other sites
Motor35 Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Does anybody fancy a shag? No big plans tonight, mh Link to post Share on other sites
boshemia Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 I prefer emotionally constipated... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 how ya doin' KM? Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 … that you are more than willing to commit yourself physically and socially to a relationship, but guard your heart heavily. Usually when someone gets burned bad by love, or who can't let go of someone they cared deeply about, we say that person is emotionally unavailable. OMG, I am emotionally unavailable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittenMoon Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 how ya doin' KM? That;s your favorite question to me, isn't it, alpha? Good&Bad, same as always. Link to post Share on other sites
SassyNClassy Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 Or who do not react emotionally to an emotional situation (for ex. just saying "sh*t happens" on 9/11 or something). Or only act emotional about something when backed into a corner about it. (not necessarily romatically, but in general) Wow, my ex to a T KittenMoon! Not to throw around psych terms like I know what I'm talking about, but from the way my ex acted he displayed a lot of characteristics of Asperger's Syndrom. It's a high functioning form of Autism. People who have it are usually extreamly smart, but have a lot of problems with empathy, displaying appropriate emotions, and forming bonds with people. Pretty sure the ex has it and it makes me feel a little better about the way/why our relationship ended. Something to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 http://naughtygirl.typepad.com/mrunavailable/understanding_ourselves_why/index.html Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittenMoon Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 Not to throw around psych terms like I know what I'm talking about, but from the way my ex acted he displayed a lot of characteristics of Asperger's Syndrom. It's a high functioning form of Autism. People who have it are usually extreamly smart, but have a lot of problems with empathy, displaying appropriate emotions, and forming bonds with people. Wow. Actually, this is extremely interesting. I just did a bit of reading up on AS, and it sounds very, very much like my ex. I don't take psych stuff lightly either (hell, it took me 13 years to admit depression ), but some of this stuff just made me think: "Wow. That's him." Right down to the physical symptoms like clumsiness and odd repetitious use of words and phrases (like a 5 year old might do). Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 ...Because I'm not real sure I get it.It means you're in love with someone else and your heart is not open to falling in love with someone new. Or a gay person is emotionally unavailable for the opposite sex. Or someone who had just gone through a trauma or a tragic loss may be closed to falling in love. Link to post Share on other sites
Mydish1 Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 It's interesting this post came up because it made me realize this was how the girl im dating is. This is the first girl i've ever encountered like this. people who don't seem to care much about things or don't show much emotion could be classed as emotionally distant, if you need to put a label on it. This is what i notice about her too... she doesnt care about anything - nor does it seem like she has interest in anything. Generally its common to meet people who have a big ego and like to talk about themselves...but she's very different because she has nothing she wants to talk about or ask about. Simply put she has a take it or leave it attitude - in short the 'i have no care in the world' attitude...she doesnt say it but i can tell. She seems to be making an effort lately - im sure in due time she'll open up as all shy girls do eventually. but the word 'unavailable' suggests to me that someone has the potential to be available, they're just not yet. or they're not with you. or they're not in a certain situation. it doesn't mean they will always be unavailable to everyone in every situation. THAT would be more like emotionally distant. or cold. or unemotional. I think its very possible for an unavailable or distant person to become the opposite - available and non-distant. I realize that people that were raised by parents in families where they dont communicate much or show encouragement to one another - usually when the kids grow up to adults, they have difficult expressing themselves and are often closed off type of people...who sometimes have difficulty getting along with people. It can range from issues like shyness/fear of rejection(/making one-self vulnerable)/low self-esteem/ low confidence - they didnt get the proper healthy environment while they did getting raised, and thus they linger with these issues as adults. And then there are those who have a wall up - from facing their own issues/trauma/etc. And will remain unavailable until they get over the problem. All in all it is a fact that those who are emotionally available do risk allowing themselves to be vulnerable - such as being rejected or hurt by having expectations. In the end..its all part of life and everyone has to risk that if they want to see life to the fullest. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 And then there are those who have a wall up - from facing their own issues/trauma/etc. And will remain unavailable until they get over the problem. I guess if we knew what our problem was, it would be helpful for us "emotionally unavailable" people to get over it. I thought that as long as I was still in love with my ex-fiance, I would continue to be unavaible. However, I am over him now. Hardly ever think about him. If I do think about him, it just makes me realize that he was NOT the one for me. So, after getting my ex out of my system, am I still 'emotionally unavailable'? Yes. What is the root of the problem? How does a person get past it? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 So, after getting my ex out of my system, am I still 'emotionally unavailable'? Yes. What is the root of the problem? How does a person get past it? sometimes LUBTOTO...people like to think they are "emotionally unavailable" as a state of self-protection. See....as long as you think you're EU then you won't have to worry about the hassle of finding someone or putting yourself out there in the cruel dating world. You can keep yourself from being hurt again by thinking you're EU. But I think its a preservation mode until next right person comes along. I coined a new acronym...EU Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 sometimes LUBTOTO...people like to think they are "emotionally unavailable" as a state of self-protection. See....as long as you think you're EU then you won't have to worry about the hassle of finding someone or putting yourself out there in the cruel dating world. You can keep yourself from being hurt again by thinking you're EU. But I think its a preservation mode until next right person comes along. Are you talking about people like porn_guy? Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 sometimes LUBTOTO...people like to think they are "emotionally unavailable" as a state of self-protection. See....as long as you think you're EU then you won't have to worry about the hassle of finding someone or putting yourself out there in the cruel dating world. You can keep yourself from being hurt again by thinking you're EU. But I think its a preservation mode until next right person comes along. I coined a new acronym...EU Yea, that makes sense. Last night, at a parenting class I was taking, I met a married couple. They seemed very happy with three kids at home and one on the way. He would finish her sentences, and she would his. They were in love. I want that....(except all the kids! ) But, I am too busy putting all my energy into protecting myself from...from what?? I just have this nagging feeling that I am going to spend my life protecting myself from something that I really want. But, no matter how much I want what they have, I can't seem to get past being EU. And no...I am not going to counseling. I can't afford it. So..alpha, are you in preservation mode, too? Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 But, I am too busy putting all my energy into protecting myself from...from what?? I just have this nagging feeling that I am going to spend my life protecting myself from something that I really want. But, no matter how much I want what they have, I can't seem to get past being EU. There is a possibility that you dont want to 'place all your eggs into one basket'. once that basket breaks you have to clean up the mess and fix the eggs. All im saying is sometimes its easy for people to have really high expectations on an outcome - and when the outcome doesnt happen like the way we want it to, we are very easily disappointed (and in the dating world, get hurt). Its good to have expectations from a prospect depending on the situation, perhaps it would be a better choice to let it build up rather than having it prematurely existing in its essence. Link to post Share on other sites
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