Cousin's Mother Starting Dating

[VinaAmez]

About a year ago my cousin's father died of an unexpected disease. He battled for about 2-3 years.My cousin's family has had nothing but bad luck. His mom had cancer and his other brother has a disorder and he won't make it past his 20s. It's pretty much they have nothing to live for.

 

Anyhow my cousin's mother took her H's death real hard at first but after a few months she decided to move on. It's what her H would have wanted. Well she started dating again which is great. I'm so happy for her that she's decided to move on. It's about time. She's selling her house, bought a condo, and is getting on with her life. Now don't get me wrong her H will always have a place in her heart but she's ready to move on. She's only in her late 30s so she's still fairly young.

 

Now here's the problem, her other family is getting on her butt about it. They think it's to early for her to start dating, moving, etc... I personally don't think it is. I think it's unhealthy to sit around all day feeling sorry for herself. She's finally getting up and doing things. It's great.

 

She ended up meeting someone online and they've been together for about 4-5 months. They've really hit it off. She's actually laughing again and this guy is great for her. He's such a decent grounded stable man and he knows what happend with my cousin's dad and understands. He's actually had bad luck himself with his exW and now their divorced.

 

So I guess what I'm asking is do you think that it's to soon for someone to starting dating and getting on with their life. I mean this only happend about a year ago with her H?I know it's none of my business and I'm staying out of it believe me. I'm just glad she's doing better and moving on.

[Pyro]

It is a very rare thing to get over someone in less than a year, especially if they were married.

 

The family is only mad IMO because she was able to move on so fast, which is not the norm, and some people believe that if its not the norm, then its wrong, if that makes sense.

 

Good for her that she was able to get through the coping process so soon.

 

My aunt lost her husband of over 20 years almost 2 years ago due to lung cancer (another reminder of why smoking is bad) and she is still not 100%.

[VinaAmez]

From what I understand they were together since high school so yeah that's a long time.

 

I didn't know there was a norm of that sort of thing. It's not like she's going to forget him, she just wants to move on. I guess what happend was she turned to religion, met this guy and went from there.

 

Me and a couple of others were told last because they knew we would be okay with it which I am. I mean really it isn't their business.

 

Anyway I guess their planning on taking a trip somewhere and everyone is just having a fit.

 

And it may not last but at least she's putting herself out there again. Who knows maybe she's just desperate and doesn't want to be alone.

 

I guess my cousin isn't taking to it very well. It's like everyone is trying to move on and he's just be pulled along.

[VinaAmez]

Oh and BTW your avartar is CREEPY. I seen that movie a couple of weeks ago.

[Pyro]

So everyone is having a fit because she is happy and not coping anymore?

 

I consider it a norm, but I base it off of everyone's testimony here on LS. Most people seem to not be able to get over an ex for a year, or at least close to it.

[Pyro]

Oh and BTW your avartar is CREEPY. I seen that movie a couple of weeks ago.

 

Just getting in the spirit me lady.

[VinaAmez]

So everyone is having a fit because she is happy and not coping anymore?

 

I consider it a norm, but I base it off of everyone's testimony here on LS. Most people seem to not be able to get over an ex for a year, or at least close to it.

 

Basically. It's mostly her deceased H's mother. I guess she can't let go and feels that she shouldn't either.

 

Maybe she's just one that moved on sooner.

 

Ahh...your one of those people who gets drunk off the green beer. Don't lie I know you do.

[Pyro]

Basically. It's mostly her deceased H's mother. I guess she can't let go and feels that she shouldn't either.

 

Maybe she's just one that moved on sooner.

 

Ahh...your one of those people who gets drunk off the green beer. Don't lie I know you do.

 

I can understand why she would be so upset, since it was her son and all, but she should be happy for your aunt.

 

Honestly, I have never drank any green beer before, so there.

 

I might this year, but its not a big deal to me.

 

You can have my share.

[VinaAmez]

I can understand why she would be so upset, since it was her son and all, but she should be happy for your aunt.

 

Honestly, I have never drank any green beer before, so there.

 

I might this year, but its not a big deal to me.

 

You can have my share.

You'd think so but she took it the hardest. She lost her H too many years ago so that says a lot. She never did remarry.

 

 

Oh no that crap is horrible. If you do just don't get drunk on it. It's not pleasant to see when that green stuff comes back up. Not that I've done that myself.

[Pyro]

You'd think so but she took it the hardest. She lost her H too many years ago so that says a lot. She never did remarry.

 

 

Oh no that crap is horrible. If you do just don't get drunk on it. It's not pleasant to see when that green stuff comes back up. Ewwwwww....

 

Hopefully she will get over it.

 

Are you speaking from personal experience?

 

Do tell.

[VinaAmez]

Hopefully she will get over it.

 

Are you speaking from personal experience?

 

Do tell.

Oh no I've never been drunk on my butt before. Tipsy but not flat drunk. Yeah I know that's crazy.

 

Anyhow I've witnessed some stuff in college. Not pretty. Especailly when one of my friends had to make her friend puke. Ewww.....It got all over her clothes. Gross.

[Pyro]

Oh no I've never been drunk on my butt before. Tipsy but not flat drunk. Yeah I know that's crazy.

 

Anyhow I've witnessed some stuff in college. Not pretty. Especailly when one of my friends had to make her friend puke. Ewww.....It got all over her clothes. Gross.

 

There is no reason to lie. We all know that "her friend" is you.

 

In fact, doesn't your username mean "big lush" in some other language?

[VinaAmez]

There is no reason to lie. We all know that "her friend" is you.

 

In fact, doesn't your username mean "big lush" in some other language?

It wasn't me, I swear, lol! Although...j/k.

 

I'm sure there are some stories in your bag.

 

I hope it doesn't, lol!

[Pyro]

It wasn't me, I swear, lol! Although...j/k.

 

I'm sure there are some stories in your bag.

 

I hope it doesn't, lol!

 

You Romanians are shady.

 

I have stories indeed, but I'll save those for some other time.

[VinaAmez]

You Romanians are shady.

 

I have stories indeed, but I'll save those for some other time.

Okay.....but I'm going to ask you some other time. Be prepared.

[boshemia]

My Dad died after a two year battle as well, and shortly before that a good friend of hers died. The two widowed spouses spent a lot of time together getting over their grief, and eventually realized they were dating. I didn't have a problem with it, I didn't know my Dad that well.. but he would have wanted her to be happy... other family members weren't so happy...

 

My Aunt also married a widower this summer, his wife was one of her closest friends and she actually told both of them to take care of each other. She said if nothing happened, then just be friends... but if something did that was great! They did fall in love, and they did get married, and most of the kids were thrilled... some of them however are still sulking about it.

 

 

On the other hand my Grandfather died 10 years ago, a good friend of his died about the same time. The two widows haven't remarried, and don't intend to as far as I know.

 

My Grandfathers (second) wife stopped speaking to her friend awhile back after took off her ring and said it was doing her no good being married to a dead man, she felt it was time to let him go. My Grandfathers widow apparently thinks that 10 years isn't near long enough to grieve.

 

People had problems with both relationships... but they weren't the people actually involved in the relationship. The people who lost their loved ones deserved to be happy just as much as anyone else... Eventually those opposed will get over it, or at least get used to it.

 

Finding true love once in a lifetime is a blessing, finding it twice is a miracle. Don't ever question miracles : )

[Pyro]

Okay.....but I'm going to ask you some other time. Be prepared.

 

No problemo, but if I am going to let some skeletons out of the closet, then be prepared to return the favor.......

[VinaAmez]

My Dad died after a two year battle as well, and shortly before that a good friend of hers died. The two widowed spouses spent a lot of time together getting over their grief, and eventually realized they were dating. I didn't have a problem with it, I didn't know my Dad that well.. but he would have wanted her to be happy... other family members weren't so happy...

 

My Aunt also married a widower this summer, his wife was one of her closest friends and she actually told both of them to take care of each other. She said if nothing happened, then just be friends... but if something did that was great! They did fall in love, and they did get married, and most of the kids were thrilled... some of them however are still sulking about it.

 

 

On the other hand my Grandfather died 10 years ago, a good friend of his died about the same time. The two widows haven't remarried, and don't intend to as far as I know.

 

My Grandfathers (second) wife stopped speaking to her friend awhile back after took off her ring and said it was doing her no good being married to a dead man, she felt it was time to let him go. My Grandfathers widow apparently thinks that 10 years isn't near long enough to grieve.

 

People had problems with both relationships... but they weren't the people actually involved in the relationship. The people who lost their loved ones deserved to be happy just as much as anyone else... Eventually those opposed will get over it, or at least get used to it.

 

Finding true love once in a lifetime is a blessing, finding it twice is a miracle. Don't ever question miracles : )

 

Thanks for replying. Sorry about all the stuff you went thru.

 

IMO I think it just depends on the situation and the person.

 

If their ready to move on then their ready. It's their decision, not the families and she's ready.

 

I think for her she was just glad it was over and that he wasn't suffering anymore. See she's been thru a lot and in some cases used to it so if she wants one bit of good of something she deserves it. If anyone she does and she seen a good opportunity and jumped on it. Nothing wrong with that. It's nice that she's getting outside contact besides just talking to her family only.

 

It's just gets me that people think they have the right to run other people's lives and IMO that's wrong. Just because others can't get over it quicker, doesn't mean that others have to wait for them to catch up.

 

I mean my grandfather died when I was about 7 and my mom got over it quicker then my grandmother. In fact she never remarried. So I think it just depends certain things.

 

I don't think they will get over it but with time they will get use to it. I just think that everyone deserves to be happy and she's trying. She's doing what her H would have wanted. She's moving on.

[VinaAmez]

No problemo, but if I am going to let some skeletons out of the closet, then be prepared to return the favor.......

I thought you were all about the giving? So much for that eh?

 

Oh and BTW I let one out, the tatoo one. So I get a free one, lol!

[Pyro]

I thought you were all about the giving? So much for that eh?

 

Oh and BTW I let one out, the tatoo one. So I get a free one, lol!

 

I am about giving, but since this you we are talking about, I would like a little something in return......

 

You do get a free one. Let me get back to you. I need to go take a trip down memory lane.

[quankanne]

it's good that she's able to pull out from under her cloud of grief and start laughing again. I think her MiL is afraid of losing her son all over again if your aunt remarries, because it would seem your aunt would be "replacing" him with another man.

 

maybe your aunt should have a heart to heart with her MiL and gently assure her that isn't the case, that if she ever finds another man to love so much that she marries him, it's because she wants to share the good stuff she learned from and had with her dead husband, that it's really his legacy she's trying to carry on. Sounds hokey, I know, but hopefully the MiL will see that as your aunt;s way of keeping your uncle's memory alive AND putting into play all the good things she learned from him.

[VinaAmez]

it's good that she's able to pull out from under her cloud of grief and start laughing again. I think her MiL is afraid of losing her son all over again if your aunt remarries, because it would seem your aunt would be "replacing" him with another man.

 

maybe your aunt should have a heart to heart with her MiL and gently assure her that isn't the case, that if she ever finds another man to love so much that she marries him, it's because she wants to share the good stuff she learned from and had with her dead husband, that it's really his legacy she's trying to carry on. Sounds hokey, I know, but hopefully the MiL will see that as your aunt;s way of keeping your uncle's memory alive AND putting into play all the good things she learned from him.

Oh yeah I agree but the problem is that no one ever communicates properly. This is all behind the scenes so she has no idea that people are talking. Now I'm not saying anything because it's none of my business. Nor is it my place. If she told me I would support her.

 

I think that's part of the MIL, she thinks that her son will be replaced. Physically yeah but he will always have a place in their hearts.

 

I think another problem is that the MIL lost all the men in her life that she has nothing but her grandchildren, nieces/nephews.

 

I can't understand why people just can't be happy for her.

[VinaAmez]

I am about giving, but since this you we are talking about, I would like a little something in return......

 

You do get a free one. Let me get back to you. I need to go take a trip down memory lane.

Oh come on now I'm just pulling your leg. You know I would tell you something too.

[Trialbyfire]

It's far more difficult that a mother get over the death of a child, rather than a spouse. No one should have to survive their children. On the other hand, it's unfair that everyone should deal with issues in the same fashion.

 

Good for your aunt for moving on. She's young and should not be trapped in perpetual grief. In my opinion, it takes a stronger person to start to live again, rather than someone who holds onto a past that will never return.

[VinaAmez]

I still can't believe it's been a year already. I can still see his face, and hear his voice.

 

The furneral was horrible. There was over 200 people in this church and they were playing the most DEPRESSING music known to man kind. Then they were playing this video and such of him and his family. Everyone was just crying, I felt so numb and it was just horrible. My H's face was even getting a little red, ugh...it was bad. It was like death was all around and we were just in the middle of it.

 

I was so glad to leave after that. Felt good to get some fresh air. Then a bunch of us went out to eat. Kind of like a family tradition thing. Everyone always goes out, eats, and passes along some laughs. Seems like that's the only time the whole family get's together. It got better after we left the church but I was brought up for it to be uplifting not depressing so it didn't settle right with me. There was so things that I just couldn't understand.

 

But anyhow I'm okay. It just seems so unreal. I mean I seen him one last time and then a couple months later he was gone. It was like it didn't happen but it did.