depressed and feeling worthless

[momto3]

I just need to vent and really feel lost right now. I just graduated from law school 2 months ago and took two bar exams this week...I have been working for a small law firm for the past year. It has been the most difficult job I have ever had in terms of mental stress. My boss was a complete wacko and at times I questioned his sanity (only to myself of course not out loud)..He was always having outbursts at the employees and his clients (If he were my lawyer I would have fired him long ago)...Anyway to make a long story short, I put up with all the BS because I had to, I needed a job..My hubby gets laid off in his line of work frequently bc of the union he works for but when he works he makes excellent $$... I have 3 kids and busted my A$$ to get through law school going nights nonstop without summer breaks for 3 years...All the while I worked full time..At this point I am mentally and physically exhausted..I worked up until 2 weeks ago before the bar exam when it became clear I was not going to pass unless I took off to study. They knew I was going to have to do this as I told them a year ago from day one...I fully intended to go back not because I wanted to.. I hated it there and had anxiety attacks because of the way my boss treated everyone and I worked my butt off without so much ever as a thank you. I watched this guy lure people from other jobs just to decide after 2 days he didnt like them and literally drove them to quit by emotionally torturing them..I stuck it out because I had to for my kids sake and I never showed disrespect and was very responsible by not calling out or being late etc...I thought everything was fine bc when I went to him a few weeks back to tell him I had to take a couple weeks off to study he was fine with it...I planned to return at least until I got my bar results and a new job and nothing was said to me of the contrary. I was always up front about things and he told me not two months back they were very happy with me (I never heard them tell anyone else there that and despite everything, I believed I did a really good job for them)

 

Fast forward...the day before the bar I spoke with a co-worker who told me I should probably call the boss I said why? she told me they hired a new clerk and he was sitting at MY desk! I couldnt believe it...I decided that I would send him an email because I was stressed over the exams and honestly thought it would be best not to get into some kind of altercation with him the day before the exam...I just emailed him and asked him about my job and if I didnt have one now could he please let me know because I need to go for unemployment. I didnt hear back from him until four days later which was yesterday. He called me up in the morning and was very cold and rude to me and spoke to me like I was a piece of crap and not someone who worked for him the past year and made him thousands of dollars...he told me my position was filled and he was not going into a dissertation as to his dissatisfaction (wait 2 months ago you were happy with me I thought???) and they were going to do this after I took the bar anyway and it had nothing to do with my study time that I took off..he was so cold to me and said if i need unemployment to apply and they will send in the papers and that was it..one year of slaving for a 30 second dont let the door hit you in the a$$ on the way out speech....I was and still am pretty stunned. Yes it was a horrible atmosphere but I havent been on unemployment EVER and feel so demeaned by the way he spoke to me..Typically if you let someone go they should at least be given a reason why right? I got none..I have no idea why I dont have a job and to tell me you are dissatisfied doesnt cut it...If that were the case would it take you a year to figure that out? I just do not understand this and feel so horribly depressed right now. Everyone I spoke to said if he had a reason a real one, he wuld have given it to me and now that I am almost a lawyer he probably doesnt want to pay me any more money and thats why I was let go although I dont know if thats the case or what...I have an interview next week which was pretty quick but I dont know how long it will take to get a new job. It sucks so bad when you work so hard like I did and you end up with nothing. I never in my life have felt like such a failure as I do right now..I wish I could have told him what I thought of him but didnt wanna jeopardize my unemployment although I know it would have made me feel so much better..thanks for listening...

[justpassingthrough]

My mom was one of those people who had a quip for everything. "What's good for the goose is good for the gander." "Two wrongs don't make a right." "Sometimes good comes from bad."

 

And, sometimes, good does come from bad, like now. Particularly because you'll have paid time off while you look around, slowly and carefully, until you find the law firm that's the perfect fit for you.

 

Loser boss = bad. World of opportunities = good.

 

You'll be alright.

[Guest]

He did you a huge favor - with all the law firms in this world why are you sold on working for that loser? Unemployment - hell, look at all the Enron folks - sometimes people gotta file for unemployment, bankruptcy, divorce, etc. That doesn't mean you've failed in life.........

 

You're putting way too much pressure on yourself - be glad you don't have to go back to that office. Pass the bar and move on to a firm that appreciates you. Focus on your kids - they'll be grown before you know it and you'll be regretting the time you didn't spend with them.

 

I put in ten years with a company and something similar happened. I look back and boy was it a blessing in disguise.

 

I think you need to turn the negative into a positive and stop letting that old boss consume you. He sounds like Hitler - and with all that stress he was pretty much torturing you and everyone around him. Stress can bring on illness, cancer, death.........do you want that to happen?

 

You sound intelligent -get a grip on that and make it work to your advantage rather than allowing some ********* drown you with his tirades, etc. Do not go back to that firm! Go get unemployment, a good massage then focus on the bar exam. Once you nail that I'm sure many other law firms will be happy to accept you!

 

Good luck!!!

[JCD]

If I was in your shoes, I would be glad they let me go. Look at it as an opportunity to find a better job. Going on unemployment is no big deal. It's to help you in hard times. Also, you can not have all the good in life without the bad as well. There will be things going bad for you in future and you just need to grow a thicker skin and be ready for them. You are not a loser and but your boss is. Be glad you only gave a year to this company and didn't wasted more time with them. There are others that deserve you more.

[Rewind]

wow..u must be like a genius bc I've never known or heard of anyone completing law school and working full time...part time yea but full time? I know law school is considered along the lines of medical school and my friend whose in dental school had to sign a waiver that she could not work during her study..its a job in itself. All the clerks in my office who were in law school as well worked 2 days a a week tops and around final and midtern time took off for a month at least. I worked in a small, whole in the wall law firm..and after my experience I wouldn't work in another law firm if u paid me 100 grand a year. My boss sucked too..was one of those waspy types and when he spoke to you everything was put in a condescending, holyier than thou sort of way. I even got a subpar review bc I didn't "socialize" enough with the attorneys..aka kiss ass. He was the type that didn't like that I went in, did my work and wasn't fake and phoney to the attorneys bc that's what he liked. The place was like a high school lunch table and beyond dysfunctional. Now I work in a normal corporate evn't where for the most part people are treated equally and kissinsg hiney isn't required. You'll find something better. If you're unhappy or treated like crap some place do yourself a favor and run..life is too short I learned that.

[momto3]

You are right life is too short. I actually got a temp assignment that I started yesterday..It may only be for a few days but better than nothing..and no I am in no way, shape or form a genious, what I do have is some kind of strange determination and thats how I worked and finished school. Full time law studnets cannot work more than 20 hours a week, they are not allowed...I got around that because I was a part-time student, I just went to summer classes to make up for the extra year it would have taken me had I not done that..In other words I did a 4 yr pt program in what it would take a normal 3 year full time student to do..Im not going to lie, it was BRUTAL but...It can be done..Granted I was not at the top of my class because I did not have the time to devote like I could have, but I did pretty good considering my circumstances...In the past few days I have realized that I do in fact have a lot to offer the right employer and I have to believe eventually I will find that job and in the end my ex -boss probably did me a huge favor..

[Trialbyfire]

You're a mother of three, working full-time and just wrote your bar exam? Wow, impressive. You have nothing to worry about in the job market with that kind of determination.

 

You're out of that poisonous work environment which was obviously not good for your mental and physical health. Take a breather and enjoy the opportunity for bigger and better things.

 

Good luck!!