McFadden Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 It has been two months and I still want him back. I have been doing everything that people say to do. I kept low contact for the first month after the relationship. Then I went in NC for the last 3 weeks. He has tried to contact me, but I never responded besides a brief letter telling him I didn't want him to contact me. Anyway I am just not feeling better. I have started to play the field recently and I am just not savoring it or anyone in it, it doesn't seem right. I want him back more every day and I don't see this turning around. The last time he contacted me was monday, he left a voicmail saying he wanted to talk. Per the advice of this forum I ignored it. When I didn't reply, yesterday he retorted "If you have anything to say to me now is the time." (this was in reference to the fact that he is going somewhere for 2 weeks and wont be able to contact anyone. I think that is all he meant.) It might be just the usual stuff he wants to talk about, but I am afraid he might be hinting at reconciliation and I am squashing it. But everyone says stay in NC and if he is willing to try to reconcile he will make it known. If I really want to get him back is the most effective thing to just ignore him like this? I figured, he is mad that I won't say goodbye before he leaves, but that its probably better because he will start realizing he misses me. But maybe I am missing my last chance. What do you think he meant by "this is the time," what am I supposed to say? Link to post Share on other sites
Carl321 Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Hmm, unlike most of the posts here, this one is a tough call. Generally I advocate NC in almost all breakup situations. Here, I am not so sure. It is clear that he is frustrated that you are not calling him back--whether that frustration is caused by a desire to reconcile is impossible to tell. Whatever his feelings are for you now, they are unlikely to change much over the next 2 weeks. So, no, i do not at all think this is your "last chance". Him telling you that "now is the time" is obviously just an effort to coerce you into calling him back. He is trying to add some sense of urgency to the situation so that you cave and call him. I would not put too much thought into him telling you that. They are just words, and words are generally not the best indicator of a person's feelings. If you feel that you want to respond to him, i would just send him a brief email, something to the effect that "hope the trip goes well, we can talk sometime after you get back". Having a serious phone conversation with him just before he leaves will probably not be helpful. Let him think about things a bit over the next 2 weeks. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Aw McFadden I thought you were doing OK with this after the way he acted at the BBQ? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Where is he going that you'd be unable to talk to him?? I don't think that 2 weeks of him going away is going to change his mind, whichever that is... Link to post Share on other sites
Author McFadden Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 I'm doing fine, but his presence in my life is preferable to the lack of it that I am currently experiencing. Where he is going, he is definitely not going to be accessible. He goes on this interesting trip twice a year, they go out in the wilderness with no supplies, they hike around, they go to some clearing and then they don't eat for a week. It is like a detox from the world/spiritual/wilderness adventure... thing. These granola eaters take this stuff seriously, so he can't exactly whip out a blackberry and start texting his homeslices and blasting mp3s (although that would be funny.) But hopefully while he is freezing and starving he will have time to think long and hard about how he has disrespected my boundaries, and how self centered and inconsiderate he has been in general. I agree that he is just trying to create a false sense of urgency so I will cave. It's all games. Who says things like "now is the last chance" when they are only leaving for a couple weeks? It's just juvenile and melodramatic, so I am going to stick to no contact for now. If he tries to get in touch with me again when he gets back, I am going to have to assume that he has something to say and he's serious about it. He claimed not to have feelings for me, but based on his behavior it seems like he does. I think he decided that he didn't at one point because he felt smothered by me and the way I was acting. He is not ready for a long term relationship, which is fine (we are 18). But like I said he has been a fixture in my life for several years, and his ongoing presence in any form is preferable to permenant NC. I am embarrassed and offended by what happened but I don't want the door to be shut forever. I would just like a sincere apology. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 Good for you for not caving into his emotional blackmail. When he starts in on the "this is your final offer", it's time to set him straight. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 I understand, McFadden. Despite a handful of reason to never talk to or take back my ex, and I would not take her back, I do want her back. I am still in love with who she COULD be. And after the pain has dissipated, I can empathize with her reasons for the break up. She was not completely honest so I couldn't take her back, and that is her flaw...she is really weak and afraid of confrontation so she does a bad job of explaining things or reconciling arguments. These things are fixable, but she is not the one for me or she wouldn't have dumped me, and would be better able to address issues and face confrontation. You are 18. Use this as a learning experience. I am 27 and did love this woman and hoped for a future, but honestly, I haven't had my heart broken in an adult sense before. I'm glad for the break up because I get to learn life skills: how to cope with depression (not all related to the break up) and get over a broken heart, and eventually date and find love again! These are valuable lessons I am learning and I will be a better partner for it. Link to post Share on other sites
NorCalDave Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Oppath I feel exactly like you do. Except I straight up want my ex back. I just have to remember why we are broken up and tell myself it's for the best and stuff, but at this point I just miss the hell out of her and I hate being depressed and missing someone all the time. It's not like me to always be sad, but I am, and it sucks and I keep hoping for a 3rd chance with her someday, as insane as that sounds. At this point McFadden I feel much like you do too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McFadden Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 Yep. I feel like Oppath and NorCalDave. Except unlike them I straight up want him back, I would not hesitate to take him back and on top of it I don't think its for the best (for me.) It's the worst when a break up is completely one sided. And now that he is gone (yes I know it's just a couple weeks hahah) I realize how impossible it will be to live without him. I have been in NC for almost a month, but I am still used to getting a drivel of messages and voicemails from him every once in a while nagging me to talk to him. So I guess even though I wasn't responding for the past month, it isn't real NC until they are completely erased from your life with no trace. And now that he has no phone or computer access I'm getting a preview of what its going to be like, and its a bitter pill to swallow. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Ok, I do straight up want her back. Happy! But what am I going to do. I was betrayed. She's not good for me. Link to post Share on other sites
NorCalDave Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Oppath, you, McFadden, Davis and I should all do lunch. We are all in the same boat in that I think we all know our ex's are bad for us and hurt us and they suck, but we have such a deep love for them and don't know how to live without them! People tell me I can do better and I deserve better (SHE actually told me those exact words) but I don't care. I loved so many qualities about her and I let myself fall in love with her for a 2nd time and I just want her in my life. It is so depressing always wondering what she's doing and not being able to talk, touch, or smell her. I'm not worried about her meeting other men, because she can't do better than me, and I know she'll come crawling back when she sees me at the gym, but....until then life sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
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