Me vs. Pot & alcohol

[Guest]

Hi-

 

I am so confused on what to do. I broke with my ex-fiance/baby daddy about 6 weeks ago. I love him so much but the past 3 months. He started to go out to the bars with his friends every afternoon during the week or going to their house and then he was smoking weed several times a day. He did this so much that he would cancel our plans or be late just to hang out with his friends. We have a 5 month old baby together. He told me that he does need to grow up and not hang out with his friends so much. But one day after dinner, we were watching a movie and his friend called. He said he was going to go smoke a blunt with him. i said- why? Just have him drop it off, so we can watch our movie. he said- NO. I am going to meet him and we can watch the movie later. Why do I have to put my life on hold for him. He came back one hour later and I said this isn't going to work out. He got mad and packed all his stuff and left. I tried to talk to him a couple days later but he kept hanging up on me and it made me feel awful. So, I paked up the entire apt and moved back to where I was orginally from which is 10 hours away from him. I told him is he could cut back on going out to twice a week and we can get counseling once a week for 6 weeks. That we could work it out. He said No. So, a couple weeks go by and he tells me he joined AA but then yet he still goes and drinks. Since I don't drink I am having a hard time of why he doesn't want to work it out. I am going to try the no contact. I really love him but everyone says he is an addict. What should I do? I am trying to get on with my life and I feel bad that I gave up on him, but I couldn't take it anymore. He would always be late coming home and always thought of himeself when his friends were around. But when his friends weren't around he was so sweet. He talked a good talk and he says he is weak. But when I just saw him last weekend when he flew here to see our baby. We went out one night and he had a couple shots and then drank 5 beers. We held hands like before and everything- sex included. Can someone please explain to me what I should do? Hang on and hope. Or explain to me his personality or something? Is it the alcohol or pot smoking? When he calls or instant message it's always about sex. IS the real him hiding behind the alcohol?

[norajane]

He has an addiction - his addiction will always come first, before you, before your child.

 

You can't use reason and logic with an alcoholic. Until he's ready to seriously deal with his addiction, you will always have problems with him. It's not good for either you or your child to hang on and hope. Usually alcoholics need to hit rock bottom - lose everything in their lives that matters - before they have the will to tackle their addiction. There is nothing you can do.