Ex fiance/Baby Daddy wants to be friends with Benefits

[Guest]

I was with my ex-fiance for 1 1/2 years. We just broke up and he wants to be friends. We need to be because we have a baby. He wants to talk about things when he calls and he makes the time. But when he does it's all about sex. I can't go from being like his wife. We did refer to each other as husband and wife and no I am just an ex. He use to call everyday and then it always resorted to talking about sex. I love him and I want more to our relationship. So, I am going to try the no contact. Because I always heard people want what they can't have. But I am not into playing games. I just want him to put me first. That is why we broke up. He kept putting his friends before me and going to bars every afternoon instead of hanging out with me. He has told me he has made mistakes, but he never once said to me about getting back. When I said let's try to work it out he said NO. But he is always fishing to see if I am with anyone. I think he is confused..... Do you think the no contact will make him miss me? I asked him once- Do you miss me? He said yes, " He says when he takes care of himself" He thinks of me.. There is more to me then sex. And when he saw while he was down here to see the baby, he kept telling me I'm hot. So, I am confused...

[norajane]

Trust his actions, not his words. His actions have shown that he prefers to go out drinking with his friends, that everything comes down to his sexual needs, that he doesn't want to get back together except to have sex.

 

Why are you even wanting to get back together? Do you believe there are no men out there who can have a full relationship with you, a relationship that includes respect for YOUR needs and what you want?

 

You are the mother of his child, so you have to remain in contact, but please, that contact should ONLY be about your child.

[Trialbyfire]

'Tis about respect. Respect yourself and your child's right to grow up in a healthy environment. People use each other every day but it's personal choice to allow yourself to be used, particularly by someone who has multiple addictions. I'm making reference to your other thread about his issues. I'm uncertain if he does have the right to have free access to your child. People can be genetic parents and not have a clue about being a real parent and the responsibility associated to it.

[ll Blake ll]

Im with you on the no contact method. That'll prove if he really misses you or just wants sex. But from what you tell me, it looks like he just wants sex and that's all. And if you don't honestly want that...then don't give it to em'.

[ridingthebulls]

I say don't put all your eggs in one basket. I would start making my life secure for the child and make arrangements to move on. First off, you need to make a bold statement that you won't take any of this childish crap into your life. Do not give him any sex!!! Because if you do, he will just continue using you for it. If you want to make him want you, I'd say move on!! But seriously do so for yourself too. I would look for older more mature men that maybe have a kid or two themselves and looking for a stable relationshiP! You don't need any of this crap from him. It sounds like he has lots of maturing to do and maybe that's not possible in a short time frame unless he gets a big shock like an electric bolt hitting him to wise up. Moving on may do that.

But don't settle as being a sex toy for this creep.

Afterall, if anything happens in the future with you and someone else, he is alone to blame. He wanted to be just friends so he can bar hop and get hammered up on booze.

What an idiot to ignore a good thing when it's right in front of his face.

 

Don't get desperate.. that's the worst mode you can possibly put yourself in. Work on your independence and possibly the dating scene when you are ready.