I want to tell her so bad

[pricillia]

Hey, I know we've had our differences here, so you can take my opinion with a grain of salt, of course.

 

 

 

Priscillia, to be blunt, he NEVER deserved you. EVER. He lied from Day #1 to lure you into his little SELFISH web of deceit. This LOUDLY says that he never respected you nor cared for you. He was simply out to make his life exciting because the guy doesn't know HOW to keep his zipper up. As you've said, he's already on his 2nd marriage and look what he's doing to his second wife - lying and cheating, running ads on dating sites and God KNOWS where else. Does this guy have ANY integrity at ALL? I honestly ask that question because everything I've read about him make me truly retch.

 

I think I remember that you'd posted you met him on a dating site. He claimed to be single (or divorced..whatever) and led you to BELIEVE that cock and bull story for how many months? And he did it, knowing FULL WELL you'd be horribly hurt when you eventually DID find out the truth. Yet, the selfish pr*ck continued his charade, anyway, totally uncaring of how devastated he knew you'd be when the truth finally came out. There's NO excuse for that sleazy behavior. NONE.

 

NONE.

 

Quite honestly, I think you SHOULD tell his wife what a complete scumbag he is. I am not a BW, but I can guarantee you I'd want to know if my husband was out victimizing innocent women on dating sites, and being an utterly sleazy, cheating, lying piece of manipulative garbage. You'd better BELIEVE I'd want to know. Personally, I don't care what your reasons for telling her would be. Would your reasons make the information any different for her? Would your reasons affect HER ability to make choices for her own welfare and the welfare of her children? No, your reasons would not. Whether you did it maliciously or with compassion - the message to her remains the SAME.

 

I know alot of people here keep wanting to center on you and how you would be affected by telling his wife, but you seem like a compassionate person who has the ability to look beyond yourself. Come on, if someone had VITAL information about YOUR marriage, wouldn't YOU want to know? I know I sure would. What she chooses to do with that information is her decision.

 

Of this you can be sure - you weren't his first victim and you certainly won't be his last. This guy has NO integrity, NO character, and NO morals whatsoever. He's disgusting and repulsive and doesn't care who he steps on in his never-ending quest to conquer women. He's done nothing but LIE to you and USE you, and he's done nothing but LIE to his wife and gaslight her. And he's obviously VERY practiced at it because he had you fooled for a good long time. So no doubt, the liar has his wife snowed as well. Please have some compassion for his OTHER victim and tell her.

 

 

 

Seen it all for Christ sake I did not meet him on a freakin daiting site, um that was Bellababygirl...

 

And to those who agree with SIA please because nothing quoted above is even true....

 

I honestly do not have the patience for your hatefull replys, so again just for the record people he never ran an ad on a dating site..

 

Now is the time to out You on ignore!

[pricillia]

SeenItAll, you hit the nail right on the head as usual. Love your posts and the way you get your point across.

 

 

And Cat... No she did not hit the nail on the head at all because I did not meet him in this context...

 

Is is not all about sex, although the relationship is not the best situation i don't need someone like SIA telling lies herself

[puddleofmud]

Pris: there is that saying "vengence is a dish better served cold".

It does make some sense being that it is done AFTER a very long time of reasoning within ones self as to whether or not its worth one's time and energy or if it's still worth the result.

Usually, once one is away long enough from the disturbance; one would rather no longer "disturb" one's own peace of mind.

As, well, doing such while angry does little other than to create more drama and "drama" does keep one emotionally engaged. This does not bring resolution nor peace. It just creates another big ball o'crap in which one must deal--how much more crap do you NEED???!!

Peace of mind is what you don't have--please seek that firstly for YOU and then decide, LATER, what you feel is imperative about the wife, etc.

WAIT and see how you feel after being in therapy for a few months...

Waiting is awful and hard--but you've waited around on this guy for a long time--so give yourself the same gift...

[pricillia]

Pris: there is that saying "vengence is a dish better served cold".

It does make some sense being that it is done AFTER a very long time of reasoning within ones self as to whether or not its worth one's time and energy or if it's still worth the result.

Usually, once one is away long enough from the disturbance; one would rather no longer "disturb" one's own peace of mind.

As, well, doing such while angry does little other than to create more drama and "drama" does keep one emotionally engaged. This does not bring resolution nor peace. It just creates another big ball o'crap in which one must deal--how much more crap do you NEED???!!

Peace of mind is what you don't have--please seek that firstly for YOU and then decide, LATER, what you feel is imperative about the wife, etc.

WAIT and see how you feel after being in therapy for a few months...

Waiting is awful and hard--but you've waited around on this guy for a long time--so give yourself the same gift...

 

 

exactly POM. As I stated before I want to tell so bad but probably wont because I do not think I could do it...

 

I totally appreciate all the replys here except one who thinks I met him on a dating site...

 

I think this person should get her facts strait... I am also tired of her cookie cutter advice...

 

To clarify, I of him for about 7 months before we started dating

 

He lied about being a MM

 

I had suspisions and confronted him and then he finally told me the truth.

 

I was ready to walk away and did but then realized I had strong feelings for him...

 

He asked me to come back.

 

I have been struggling with this ever since.

 

I do not mind different perspectives and different opinions I welcome them for the most part...

 

But if you are going to post please get your facts straight before you post

K

[Catharsis]

Pricillia, whether you met him on a dating site or not is irrelevant. The fact is that he lied to you about his marital status long enough until he lulled you in. He manipulated and lied to you. My exMM lied to me about the state of his M - until I got into his personal email account and found out that he was in fact all lovey dovey with his W while stringing along numerous young women all across the country. A man like this has no problem lying to just about anyone about anything. I would never trust someone like this - as soon as I found out about his lies I was DONE with him. Please think about it. He is lying to you about his M (you know he lied to you from the beginning, and I'm sure he still tells you lies to keep you around), and he obviously lies to his W. Talk about a low-life cake eater. Don't be an enabler - let this one go. It has drama and heartbreak written all over it.

[pricillia]

Pricillia, whether you met him on a dating site or not is irrelevant. The fact is that he lied to you about his marital status long enough until he lulled you in. He manipulated and lied to you. My exMM lied to me about the state of his M - until I got into his personal email account and found out that he was in fact all lovey dovey with his W while stringing along numerous young women all across the country. A man like this has no problem lying to just about anyone about anything. I would never trust someone like this - as soon as I found out about his lies I was DONE with him. Please think about it. He is lying to you about his M (you know he lied to you from the beginning, and I'm sure he still tells you lies to keep you around), and he obviously lies to his W. Talk about a low-life cake eater. Don't be an enabler - let this one go. It has drama and heartbreak written all over it.

 

No but sorry it is irrelevent because what SIA posted has nothing to do with my story... I met him in a different context therefore we were work friends first.

 

Ok lets get over the fact that he lied, we are past that now, this post is not about the fact that he lied we all know it...I know it you know it..

 

You know, the fact is I still care about this person to what degree is in my heart and I will not share here, But stop calling him names.

 

This post is about trying to move on and healing, I don't need people misquoting and then other people to say that it is not relevent.

[norajane]

It is bad enough that I have stayed in this relationship as long as I have...

 

he was his nasty self when I did not call him back

 

he is being his cold self

 

So tonight guys I am going to end this affair with him

 

I should have listened to my instinct when in the beginning but I did not

 

The funny thing is it seems he can feel free to mistreat me... when I protest or give it right back to him, it is all my fault...

 

I was so mad by the way he treated me

 

But tonight he just ignored me totally, he pretended that he did not even see me

 

I am hurt and angry that he has treated me badly

 

But last week when he was so abrupt with me on the phone

 

But he said that he deserves more, that made me mad...I am still mad and hurt too

 

he is being a A-hole toward me I am coming to the realization that I do not deserve to be treated like this

 

I did not like the way he had been treating me and I left upset

 

I then told him what bugs me more then anything in this whole thing is his constant mistrust of me

 

Pages and pages of unhappiness, P. You are clearly miserable in this relationship - you mentioned not one single thing in this whole thread that is good, not one single thing that shows he does anything to make you feel good, not one single thing about how well he treats you or how special he makes you feel, no joy, no peace, and nothing about love or caring coming from him. Just misery, hurt, pain, anger, and frustration. And yet, despite that:

 

You know, the fact is I still care about this person

 

Do you realize that you can care about a person, but that doesn't mean you should stay in the relationship? Do you realize that caring doesn't mean you have to suffer constantly? Do you realize that you should feel cared for in a relationship - that it's not worth it if you don't feel cared for?

 

And then you claim:

 

Ok lets get over the fact that he lied, we are past that now, this post is not about the fact that he lied we all know it..

 

Even though you yourself admit that you are NOT past it, and the lies have lasting effects on your peace of mind:

 

But he has lied to me and I wonder if he still lies

 

And the lies must give you reason to question his respect for you, as well, right? Why put yourself through this?

 

I would like a healthy attachment with him

 

I'm sorry, sweets, but you can't have this with him, and I think you know that, too. There is no such thing as a healthy attachment to someone who lies, treats you badly, and is married to another, especially when you know:

 

yes he choses to stay in this marriage even though he is unhappy...

 

You are right, he will probabaly never leave her

 

I believe he has too much attachment to her to leave

 

I would have grey hair a wrinkles waiting around for him to leave her

 

Yes I think he wants me to be there for him as an escape

 

And even more especially when you know:

 

I know now I can not save him.

 

The only question here is why you are relying on this man for your happiness, when you are clearly aware that he will never be able to give you the kind of healthy, loving relationship you seek in your life. Instead of wasting more of your precious time and emotion fighting a losing battle, use that energy to kick him out of your life and get over him.

 

I still know that I need to focus hard on just taking care of me...all the way not expecting anything of substance from him...

 

This is the saddest of your posts. You know you can't expect anything from him, and you are ok with that. You are willing to expect nothing from him, and to get nothing from him. I hope you find the strength to expect a LOT from a man who is in a relationship with you. If he cannot give you anything, you shouldn't accept that - you should find a man who can give you what you want, need and deserve.

 

Only when you let go of the crap filling your life, will you have room for something good.

[pricillia]

Wait Nora, who said that I was going to stay Thank you for point out the high points, I have read and re-read them over and over again!

 

Yes he lied, My point is I can not keep dwelling on that fact, my point is I have to move on from that fact, if I keep on thinking about it when I know he has done it I will drive myself crazy.

 

There are good things or I would not have started a relationship with him but I can't whole heartedly be in this kind of relationship and be alright with it, that is what I struggle with, so everything he says and does is magnified.

 

Like I said therapy starts on Tuesday, belive me I would rather do other things with my time, but when you sit up at night thinking about something and you can't fall asleep it is time to talk to someone about it.

 

I

[norajane]

Wait Nora, who said that I was going to stay

 

You are still seeing him, though, aren't you? From what I gathered, you though you would break up with him the other night because you thought he didn't want to see you anymore - that's the way it seemed to you because of his recent behavior. But then you talked with him, and cleared up some "communication" issues, he apparently did want to continue seeing you, so you didn't break up with him.

 

If you're working yourself up to breaking up with him and just need time to make a firm decision, that's fine. I hope the therapy helps you with that quickly. Because I don't see you having a chance of happiness until you manage to leave him.

 

Good luck to you.