boston1983 Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 Ok this might be a bit complicated, but here goes. I was at a get together and saw a guy, and found him really attractive. Everyone at the get together are all on something that is similar to myspace, so we can send each other messages etc. Two weeks after I met him I messaged him saying it was nice meeting him. We went back and forth and I basically said that I found him attractive. He told me how flattered he was and how lucky he felt to have someone so beautiful be interested in him, BUT he had a GF. Said he wanted to get to know me better and was so flattered and how I made his day and wanted "to be friends." Ok this is where I am confused: we messaged each other a lot, I got maybe 5 messages a day from him. He kept mentioning how we're "friends." I would ask about his GF and he'd change the subject. Last week he invited me to a party with about 120 people, and so I went, thinking that he would be w/ his friends and that things would be awkward. It wasn't at all....his girlfriend wasn't there...right when I came in he offered me a ride home, and the entire time I was there he was right by my side. He kept putting his hand on my back, dancing with me, basically being all touchy feely (he wasn't drinking either). After the drive home I asked when he would be in town again, and he said Tuesday...and said he wanted to get together. Turns out he'll be in town to drop his GF off at the airport, and then will be going out w/ me. Is that sleazy or just me? Soooo....am i the OW? Or am I starting to be? I'm so confused... Link to post Share on other sites
SadrBtWizr Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 If he will do this to his GF, he will do it to you. Nobody deserves to play second fiddle. This "friends" line is something that he's using to justify himself. He thinks he's a stud because he's got two women. Dump him quick before you get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Or.... it's a basic GF/BF "relationship". If so, and they are just "dating" what's the problem? Isn't that what dating is for? I don't get it these days. If you go out two or three times (or 20 times with no agreement to exclusivity) with a member of the opposite sex, is it automaticly moved into the "exclusive relationship" catagory? Link to post Share on other sites
cbl Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 i'd like to suggest you read some posts in the OW forum. there's a fine line between men and women, whatever the relationship is, "just friends" "dating" "dating exclusively". but the most important thing is whether his definition of "just friends" is the same as yours. my take is that being his friend is different from being his "girl friend" because he did put a different name on you and his "gf", and it really depends on whether it's the kind of relationship that you want from him. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Or.... it's a basic GF/BF "relationship". If so, and they are just "dating" what's the problem? Isn't that what dating is for? I don't get it these days. If you go out two or three times (or 20 times with no agreement to exclusivity) with a member of the opposite sex, is it automaticly moved into the "exclusive relationship" catagory? If people only date a few times, they don't call that person their BF/GF. BF/GF is reserved for exclusive relationships - you should assume they have been seeing each other for a while, maybe even years, not just a date here and there. This guy said he was flattered, BUT he had a GF. That was him telling her that he couldn't actually go out on dates with her because he was in an exclusive relationship with his GF. Then he proceeds to flirt and take the OP out on what could be called dates EXCEPT they are ostensibly done under the guise of "friendship" ...meaning, he can rationalize to himself that he's not cheating on his GF. If his GF were to know about this "friendship" (which he most decidedly is keeping secret from her), she'd be boiling his nuts in oil, because he is skirting the line of infidelity. boston - you know perfectly well what he's doing, and you know it isn't right, so stop going out with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 I agree completely with NJ. Adults do not refer to someone they are only casually dating as their b/f or g/f. Get out before you get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 OK all, it's a "generational thing"... or maybe a "regional thing" or both. It is VERY common when I am for people to introduce their dates at casual parties, a concert, dinner, whatever as "my G/F". I date a couple of ladies occasionally, with no exclusivity whatever, have been doing so for a few YEARS.. I will introduce either as G/F occasionally. Or someone may walk up and ask "who's your G/F" without any profound or hidden meanings. Then again, I don't know anyone of my generation who refers to women as bitches, ho's, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
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