Mentally-sick mother

[Heartache11]

Well, where to begin this story. I am 20 in college about 4 hours away from my mother. When I was 9, my parents divorced. It was horrible and left my mom mentally sick. She has gotten better but is also very controlling. There have been a number of instances where she has gone overboard with her control over what I do.

 

Our lattest battle has to do with my desire to go abroad next semester. I called her telling her I just wanted to look into it because I knew that we could not financially afford it if it cost more and I wanted to see the costs. I also just went through a rough breakup of a 2 1/2 year relationship and I thought it would be a good thing to do, plus I've always wanted to.

 

She completely flipped on me in that 2 minute conversation, got very upset, wouldn't pick up the phone all night and the next day. I finally had to get one of her friends to go over to make sure she was okay because I was worried.

 

Well she finally calls me, says I am an ungrateful b*tch, calls me more names, and says that she is shutting off my credit card. I tell her I just wanted to look into it, she's handling this immaturely, and if it bothers her this much I will drop it. I also said I don't want to come home for spring break if she is going to treat me like this.

 

She says nope, hunny you're gonna learn now what it's like to have no father and now no mother. Don't you dare call your grandmother, I'm turning off your cell phone, changing the locks, etc. I gave up everyting to raise you and now it's going to be all about me.

 

I did call my grandmother (we are close) and she said I can live there, but she is not getting in the middle of this. Grandma blames this on the fact that mom is very stressed at work and about bills and everything after the divorce. I told her that doesn't give her a right to treat me like this.

 

Well, now I'm sitting here upset and not knowing what to do. Mom won't talk to me or listen to me. I did say some mean things in defense of what she was saying, and maybe I am being unreasonable about wanting to go abroad. But she doesn't need to continue this on and treat me like this. I said I would just drop it and she can't. Am I handling this wrong?

[fluffy0]

I'm so sorry for your situation. It sounds like your mom has absolutely no respect for you. I think your mom calling you names like that and taking away your financial support without notice and basically leaving you down and out is very childish and irresponsible. you mentioned she has mental illness, but if she is able to live a normal life and go to work and control her anger there, then her illness is no excuse for that kind of behavior. It also sounds like your grandma is making up excuses for her daughter. It has been 11 yrs. since "the divorce" so it's not like your mom hasn't had time to adjust financially. At some point it becomes up to the individual to go on with their life and pick up the pieces

 

I think the best thing you could do right now is try to show your Mom that you're a responsible adult and can function on your own. Your mom is basically blackmailing you by saying that she will only remain in your life as long as you don't go against her. If you try to apologize to her now for something that wasn't your fault, then she will see that blackmailing you is a good tactic and will keep doing it.

 

Try to take out loans for school, get an apartment with roomates so its cheaper and just try to make it on your own. If you still want to go abroad tell the financial aid office your situation and maybe they can help u with scholarships and stuff. I know a lot of people who are making it through school without teh help of their parents, so it is possible.

 

It may be that i am just hearing your side of the story, but from your post is seems like mom was the one who wronged you, so she needs to come and apologize, not you. I think she'll eventually come around, and when she does, make it clear to her that even though she is your parent, she still needs to respect you too if she wants to have a relationship with you.

 

I know it must be really hard for you, because unlike a boyfriend, you can't really end it with your mother, she will always be in your life, and you can never "get over her." But you don't deserve to be treated like dirt either.