Why do parents get mad when you ask for comfort?

[Sophe]

I had a really difficult situation with a boyfriend where i was really hurt and i asked my mom if i could talk to her about it because i needed to hear something comforting and all she said was

 

It's your own fault. You never choose relationships that make you happy

 

Then I asked my father and he said

 

i dont want to hear about it. its the same old story.

 

Even if i do get into similar situations they should be more understanding than that!! Shouldn't they?? They make me feel even worse so every time i get rejected by a guy and i get to the low point where i loose all pride and end up telling my parents that means it's pretty bad because normally i don't look for support from them.. i already feel like a looser from being dumped, do i need to feel like a worse looser from having my parents talk this way to me?!!!

[HokeyReligions]

I'm sorry that your parents added to your hurt. It is not easy being a parent and parents don't always know the right thing to say or do. Often parents simply repeat things that were told to them by their parents and forget how it made them feel.

 

And if a pattern continues to repeat it gets frustrating for parents and hurts them too, to see their kids be hurt so it may just be easier for the parents to ignore the problem, or brush it off. They also might not know how to help you so they may think that if they get mad at your, or show disinterest you will somehow suddenly and automatically "change" to making the right decision. It's a fairly common flaw in parents.

 

I'm sure that they love you and don't want you to hurt. Maybe you should tell them just what you said here. That you know you have made some bad choices or that maybe some choices that started out good turned bad, but you are hurting and just want comfort. Just say "Mom, I know its a situation I got myself into, but I just need to know that at least YOU and dad love me in spite of my flaws. I love you both in spite of yours." and see where that gets you. It may be an eye-opener for your parents that you are growing up and trying to learn from your mistakes.

 

Also, if you find that you keep gravitating toward the same type of person and choosing relationships that are hurtful, you may want to talk with a counselor (are you in school? maybe a guidance counselor?) about decision making and your goals, etc. Maybe someone outside of the situation can help you recognize some signs when meeting/dating new people so you can move forward or stop seeing the person before you get so hurt.

[butterflyz]

and try to find other people to confide in, people that are supportive, not shaming.

[Ally Boo]

It's probably not just your parents. If you had a friend you confided in too, and you always had the same problems, always had the same thing to say, and never took their advice to fix it, there is no point in them talking to you about it. You are going to do what you are going to do...no matter what they have to say.