What do I do? The Ex Is Coming Over Tonight

[Jons511]

Question for all:

 

First let me give you some backstory to this. Just over a month ago (mid January) my girlfriend/fiance of a year and a half broke up with me. I tried NC but she kept calling me. We used to live together and she moved back in with her mom and dad. I tried to be friends with her and be there for her, but it only escalated the feelings I have for her. I told her I still loved her, and that I knew it would take work to win her back. However she began dating this new guy in the meantime, so I tried to be a friend and let her see how things went with the new guy (back off a little). This was painful, but I thought it was necessary to build a solid foundation for a friendship with her. However keep in mind she still called me continuously even after this.

 

This past Friday she had a huge fight with her mom and the rest of her family, so I came and got her and went with her to a doctors appointment that she had that day. After the doctors appointment I asked her if she wanted to go back to her mom's house, and she said she did not. She mentioned that she was supposed to hang out with her new boyfriend that night, so in the interests of friendship, I offered to drive her to his place. Awkward? Yes, but seemingly necessary to make her happy. I met the new boyfriend and drove off.

 

Later on that night, at approximately 2:30am, I received a call from her. She told me that her new boyfriend had left for work and she didnt want to go home. I told her that it was okay for her to come over if she wanted. I figured I would sleep on the couch and she could take the bed, but we ended up cuddling and sleeping in the same bed. Although nothing happened between us in a sexual manner, because she made it quite clear that she has a boyfriend and is not a cheater, but I did make it quite clear that I love her and want her back. In the morning she got up, took a shower, and went back to the new boyfriends house. She did call me a few times during the day though.

 

Early this morning she called me and once again said she did not want to go home and deal with her mom (they have serious issues), but didnt know where to go. So once again I told her to come over. She comes over and we talk for awhile, mostly it was me telling her how much I miss and love her while she sat there quietly. Then later on we are sitting on the couch together and I say:

 

"I think you still have feelings for me and you want to get back together, but you are scared".

 

Then she responded with "I'm worried that if I move back in with you, and we dont work out, then I could never go back to my parents house again"

 

So I said "Obviously you still have feelings for me if you'd say that"

 

And she replied with "But what do I do about my feelings for (the new boyfriend)?"

 

I told her I did not know what to say to her because I did not want to influence her. Then I said that if we got back together I want it to be her decision, and only her decision, and that I can not, and will not influence any of her decisions about this.

 

I took this conversation to mean that she does still like me, and that she does, at least on some level, want me back.

 

The bottom line is this... She is coming over tonight, after she hangs out with the new boyfriend to sleep over. The new boyfriend has no idea that she has been calling me, or hanging out with me.

 

Is there anything I should say or do tonight? I want to do something nice for her as a show of love (like flowers or something). Please help! I need some ideas.

 

Thank you!!!

[thecount]

First off, she's sneaking around on her new boyfriend with you. She will do the same to you if you take her back. (bad very bad idea) Then there is the factor that you said you're not going to influence her. Too late, you already did by telling her your feeling for her. She never came right out and said anything about her feelings for you. You're just assuming she has feelings for you. DO NOT DO THAT!

 

She calls you when she fights with her parents? what are they fighting about?

 

why did you guys break up in the first place?

 

Sounds to me like she knows that you still want her back, and you are her backup. that's it, nothing more. How disresepectful was she when she slept in the same bed with you while she's still with someone else? Something is very wrong with her. Do not, do not, and I'll repeat it again, do not do anything special if she comes over tonight.

 

I would sit her down and read her the riot act if I were you. You're her doormat. Show yourself some pride. Even she will respect you for it.

 

She sounds like bad news bro.

[Guest]

Well said, the count!!

 

He's right. Do not do anything special for her because you are just being a doormat and she will never respect you. Your latching onto her no matter what is making you seem weak to me. Have some pride!

 

She'll find you much more interesting if she can't have you. You need to focus on someone new now. The next time she has trouble with her mother she will have to rely on someone else as you will be much too busy with your new girlfriend.

 

Take it from me, I'm a woman! We're not into weak men.

[Guest]

I know u love her. I can tell by the way you type. BUT open up ur eyes man. Okay ur thinking like a dude. I am a female and I know woman can be liars..she loves this new b/f of hers very much. She may tell you things for you to smile and think. But if you stop and wonder about it. Yes she may be having problems at home I dont doubt that, it happens. BUT honeslty her new b/f may not want her to move in right now. He is enjoying getting what he wants from her.

 

But in the meantime while she is hoping he lets her in for good or they get a place together SHE has YOU to fall back on. NOT for anything more but a friend. You can tell me all day long, Well she tells me she cares, well we make love, well she cries to me, well she is not seeing him. BUT deep in her heart she wants him but for some reason he is not letting her live there or whatever is going on. BUT if u love her and want to have a relationship with her LET her go or else u will get more hurt because sorry to say this.

 

A woman who loves a man. does not flip flop. A woman who flip flops and flops more to the other man. SOMETHING IS WRONG DUDE !!!!!

[jmargel]

Let her go, she'll end up cheating on you with him. You are tolerating her behavior and she is facing no consuquences for what she's doing. Besides that you are actually ENFORCING this relationship between her & this new guy.

 

If you continue to be this safety net you'll never get her back for good. Honestly if she could do this and allow you drive her to her new bfs place then she really doesn't care for you as she ought too. Plenty of women out there that'll treat you good, go find one of them. This one has way too much immaturity.