Luba Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Last May, 2006, my fiance died. He was in Ohio at the time with his parents. He became ill suddenly with a ruptured appendix, and the doctors couldn't save him. He was 37 years old. I miss him so much. I am in grad school, and also teach. I have a young daughter, so I am very busy. But no matter how busy I keep myself, I still have bad days, when I just fall apart. The other day something triggered me, a memory, and I cried all day. Has anyone experienced something like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Icantletgo Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 I have never gone through that pain. I'm sorry for your loss. Just remember he died loving you, he died with you in his heart. You will see him again one day, just be strong in the mean time for yourself and your daughter. God Bless. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 I am so sorry for your pain...What a sad outcome. You'll have moments where you feel wonderful and happy- Then you'll have your low times, grieve and cry. It will come and go for a while but all I can tell you is, time DOES heal all wounds. I know that sounds cliche and all, but it's true. Don't beat yourself up when you have those sad days. Go with the emotions, but at the same time, don't let it take over. Reach out to friends, and family, and most of all your daughter. She is your strength and your love right now...A little kiss and a cuddle from her should lift your mood too. Did you ever seek counselling during this past year? I just ask because the 1st year is definately the hardest. I remember when my father died, all that antispitation of 1st xmas, 1st birthday, 1st Easter etc... Therapy could help you if you're willing to go talk to someone. Take care of you and your daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know what to say other than time will ease the pain and warm hugs from me. When you meet someone good for you, life will be easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Totoro Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 I'm very sorry for your loss. This happened to a friend of mine last year. Her fiance died of cancer only a few months after it was diagnosed--it was awful. Have you tried any online grief forums? My thoughts are with you. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 I'm sorry, too. Life sure isn't fair. The beautiful thing is that you will carry him around in your heart for the rest of your days. He would want you to be happy, and to remember him in a happy frame of mind. But I can't imagine how hard it must be. The other day something triggered me, a memory, and I cried all day. It must have been a really good one. Remember to drink plenty of water. Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 I've not been through this, but I just wanted to express how sorry I was for your loss, and that you are going through this. However, as some people have mentioned, know that he passed away loving you, and that one day, you will be reunited. Im so sorry that you're going through this. Feel free to cry to us at any time. We'll listen and definitely won't judge. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luba Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 Thank you so much for your responses. All of your thoughts have really been comforting to me. It's strange because at this point, almost a year after Patrick passed away, I keep thinking that I should be on the way to healing. In many ways I am...I am continuing with my life and many positive things are happening for me. However, I've realized that he will always be a part of me. A big part of my life and what I thought was going to be my future are gone. Im trying to find a way to live without him, accept what has happened, remember the happy memories, and let the pain go. I am still on the journey to finding that balance.This will probably take me more than a year to accept completely. But I hope to get there. peace Link to post Share on other sites
Tormented Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 Luba...I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I can't even begin to imagine how devestating that must have been (and is) for you. But know this. At least he didn't leave you willingly. No, he left LOVING you, and if he could, he'd be with you now. And I suppose that's where the deep pain lies...knowing that he'd right by your side if he could. If I could, I'd give you a big hug. Lord knows you deserve it! My heart goes out to you. ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 Hugs to you LUBA!! You are in my thoughts and prayers . So sorry for your loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Auqakuh Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 Last May, 2006, my fiance died. He was in Ohio at the time with his parents. He became ill suddenly with a ruptured appendix, and the doctors couldn't save him. He was 37 years old. I miss him so much. I am in grad school, and also teach. I have a young daughter, so I am very busy. But no matter how busy I keep myself, I still have bad days, when I just fall apart. The other day something triggered me, a memory, and I cried all day. Has anyone experienced something like this. I met my first love when I was five years old, in the playground. We hated each other, apparently something about the other unsettled us - but within a few hours, everything changed. After that, for the next eleven years, we were best friends, then boyfriend and girlfriend, then lovers, and then secretly engaged. In fact, most of our relationship was secret. It was an excitement, you understand. When I was sixteen, we both caught flu just after my birthday. For some reason, she just didn't get better. Something made her more vulnerable somehow and - rare these days but it doesn't help - I lost her. She was my entire life all through growing up. We spent so much time together - secret special time nobody else could intrude on, a childish kind of love yet no different in most ways to relationships I've had since - that it was truly a case of not quite being sure where I ended and she began. I dealt with it poorly. I told nobody that we had been together, out of a quiet kind of loyalty that made no sense whatsoever. I still haven't told my family. I recently fell in love the same way again, and lost her because I was lying online to try to pretend I was years ahead and it was all easier than it was. And I may have lost another love, because my as-of-recently ex refuses to talk to me at all now. If I learnt anything, it is that we cannot hide from what hurts. If you feel it, it's because you need to feel it - while there also needs to be the understanding that there's only so much you can allow yourself to feel it. But the thing I find hardest to cope with is the idea that someday I won't hurt so much; I won't turn around to talk to her about something and find she's gone because I'll be busy with my life. It'll still happen, but far less. And that hurts too, but that's the way it has to be, else I would remain unhappy far longer. And they wouldn't want us to remain unhappy. Indeed... if they were here now... they wouldn't -let- us remain unhappy. And that's why remembering her is more often a pleasure than painful for me, recently. She wouldn't let me be unhappy, ever, she always had a smile, or would hold me and sing some silly song... there are a million ways she made me happy, and a million ways she still does. Just having been lucky enough to know someone that fantastic... we may have lost, but there are many who've never lost at all, simply because they never had what we had to lose. In some ways... we're better off. We know how good it can get. Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 I'm sorry for your loss . My father died suddenly when I was a little child, so my mother had to go through this. There's a wonderful, beautiful memoir by Christopher Noel called "In the Unlikely Event of Water Landing: A Geograpy of Grief": http://www.amazon.com/Unlikely-Event-Water-Landing-Geography/dp/059534853X/ref=sr_1_10/105-2850387-3795639?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1174206178&sr=8-10 He lost his fiance in a car accident one morning, and this book is about the aftermath of coping with grief, love, memories, etc. Might be a good book to read since he's been there. Take care, your thread and story really got into my heart & I'm thinking if you. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 I'm also sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine what this must be like. Hugs from me too. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 Last May, 2006, my fiance died. He was in Ohio at the time with his parents. He became ill suddenly with a ruptured appendix, and the doctors couldn't save him. He was 37 years old. I miss him so much. I am in grad school, and also teach. I have a young daughter, so I am very busy. But no matter how busy I keep myself, I still have bad days, when I just fall apart. The other day something triggered me, a memory, and I cried all day. Has anyone experienced something like this. I have. my boyfriend of 4 years...would've been my fiance in two months, died in a car accident two weeks ago. I am pretty much a mess all the time. The last few days have been survivable, but I got hit with a million memories today and ended up a basketcase crying all day. Its been a while for you though, any suggestions? My world is in shambles...I feel like its over. He was everything to me, my first love, my only love, my first everything Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 I have. my boyfriend of 4 years...would've been my fiance in two months, died in a car accident two weeks ago. I am pretty much a mess all the time. The last few days have been survivable, but I got hit with a million memories today and ended up a basketcase crying all day. Its been a while for you though, any suggestions? My world is in shambles...I feel like its over. He was everything to me, my first love, my only love, my first everything I am so sorry for your loss Guest. Lean on your family and friends to help get you through this. Take it all hour by hour if need be... Link to post Share on other sites
CrossRhodes Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 Indeed... if they were here now... they wouldn't -let- us remain unhappy. And that's why remembering her is more often a pleasure than painful for me, recently. She wouldn't let me be unhappy, ever, she always had a smile, or would hold me and sing some silly song... there are a million ways she made me happy, and a million ways she still does. Your story brought tears to my eyes, Auqukuh. I'm sorry to hear you have harboured such a heavy pain, but I'm also glad to see you have many happy memories to draw on. I hope you manage to make sense of it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luba Posted April 1, 2007 Author Share Posted April 1, 2007 HI Guest, First I would like to give you my condolences. Your grief is so fresh – I remember the overwhelming feeling of pain that is coupled with numbness and disbelief. You are probably experiencing this right now. I know that feeling well. It took a while for me to gain my balance after it happened. I guess what I have discovered over the past year is that no two people grieve the same way. We all have our own ways of coping. The depth of the relationship we had the person who has passed away,is reflected in the depth of our grief. My fiance too, was my true love and my best friend. And I am finding ways to cope with the loss. Over the year since my fiance died, I have done a series of commemorations though, that have helped me through to this point. My fiance was a musician, so after his death, friends and family organized a memorial concert in his name. Several of his friends play in bands, and they all performed at the show. We also put together a cd of his songs, which was distributed at the show and sold in some local stores to help his parents with expenses. I myself have tried to greet each day that I think will be hard for me with some sort of celebration of his life. For example, i am an artist. I had a gallery opening of my work last Valentine's Day that I dedicated to him. Once I graduate from Grad school, I plan to start a music scholarship in his memory. I hope this helps in some way. Right now, you need to be gentle with yourself, and give yourself a little bit of time to get over the initial shock. But in the long run, I think doing things to remember him will help you get through the grieving process. Let me know if you have any other questions, and my prayers are with you. Link to post Share on other sites
jusified Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 I am sorry thi has happened to you, your fiance and family member involved. Remember he loved you and that you have to be strong now, for yourself and your daughter. Talk to family and friends, I hope you will get throgh this tough time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luba Posted April 1, 2007 Author Share Posted April 1, 2007 I just wanted to add one more thing. I go to a site at gratefulness.org and light candles for my fiance every day with little dedications to him. it is a very nice site, and has comforted me a great deal. Link to post Share on other sites
little_girl Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 my heart goes out to you...it's been 478 days since my fiance' of 8 years has left this place...i miss him every day...i think of him every day...when it first happened i did'nt want to go on...i would wake up & cuss out god...for allowing me to go thru another day without him...i was never suicidal i just did'nt want to hurt anymore...as you probably have gone thru all the emotions of grief plus...one's we did'nt know existed...people deal with grief differently...just know you loved him & he you...it does get easier i guess but i still have days where i break down also...they just don't last as long anymore...just rely on friends & family to help you...my girls have been my best support... Link to post Share on other sites
loveinlife Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 Sorry to hear that Luba, Guest, and little girl. What you guys/girls are going through for your lost ones is painful like everyone says. I never been there but i can try to understand. It already sounds like the three of you are looking for solutions and a way to mend the heart of yours by posting on this thread. Its hard, its only been a short time and the time frame to heal is different for everyone. For myself, not saying that it works for everyone, trying to look for inner peace and thinking more positively helps. We can beat ourselves down as much as we can which would lead to a downward ride, not the position to be in; I have done that many times myself and learned that its not healthy at all. Stay positive and I hope both of you will find your inner joy and self discovery. There is a lesson to be learned from our experience. Take it as a gift that you were with someone so special at one point in time and reflect on what makes that part of it, you. What did you learn, liked, and move that on to the next level of your journey. Take Care Luba, Guest, and little girl. ------------------------------------------ In the end i learned that no one can help us, except ourselves. and amplifying the grief will create more misery. Create love and happiness inside and let it become your light. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 I am so sorry to hear of your losses, Luba, guest and others. Sending love and positive thoughts to you.... Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 This thread bought tears to my eyes. My thoughts are with all of you experiencing this loss. My heart goes out to you. I wish you well in your healing process. Know that your loved ones are looking down upon you, loving you still. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona76 Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 I'm sorry about your loss. Appendicitis, is something that can be saved today. We tend to ignore the symptoms because they simply make you feel as if you have a very bad flu with heavy stomach ache. It comes on suddenly with a crash! At least it did for me. By the time I got to the hospital, I was in agony. All test said it was NOT appendix and they are not allowed to remove it on speculation. With me it turned out I had also a ruptured colon. This complication disguised the other symptoms. I hope you can find the answers and have the solace you need to recover this loss in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
little_girl Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 :(i feel your pain....everyone grieves differently....i don't think there is time that you will ever be over it completly....i know from my own experiences....my fiance' of 8 years passed away in january 2006....i was so devastated i did'nt think i would ever make it.....then i met a man who was my rock....he helped me through it....not that i'm over it....but he was there for me.....through all the crazy emotions.....then in may 2007....he was taken away from me in a accident.....so i'm back to where i started over a year ago....life just doesn't seem fair to me at all....or make any sense.....lol Link to post Share on other sites
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