"We don't have to hate each other okay!?"

[NorCalDave]

I was dumped for the 2nd time by my ex the last week of January.

I have two threads: "Worrying about her", and "Really".

I have been doing and breaking NC. Not calling her, but conveniently running into her. Usually about a week and half will go by and we'll run into each other at the gym or the mall or something. I stopped going to our church, just to keep the NC.

Going to our church was our favorite thing to do. She always seemed happiest.

The last few weeks I haven't gone, and I haven't called either.

About a week ago, I see her at the gym, and she walks the other way. She ignored me and left.

Then, 3 days later, after not going to church again, I am at the gym, and the next thing I know she's whispering in my ear, "We don't have to hate each other, okay?" I was like, "I don't hate anyone."

She initiated the conversation, was very flirty, and she said I missed a great speaker at church. She asked me to burn a CD for her, and she also asked me to help her with the equipment. Also that she wanted me to go to church.

I didn't initiate anything, and didn't follow her around like I've done in the past. I felt very much in control of my emotions and actions, whereas in the past, I've felt powerless to her, and weak and stuff. I guess it was because she made the decision to come talk to me....it felt good on my ego.

That was 6 days ago and I haven't seen or heard from her since.

Does she just miss me and my attention? The cycle seems to keep repeating.

We break up, go NC, then try to do the friend thing, then go NC, then after time passes we start to revert back to playful flirting, which leads to us hanging out again, which has led to us getting back together.

We have a big age gap and it really scares her, which causes her to give up on the relationship, but we have this chemistry and sparks that still remain, and I honestly think about and miss her ALL THE TIME.

I keep going NC....I was at the mall tonight and was soooo close to stopping by Macy's just to say hi....but I remained strong and walked away.

I don't know what our last flirty encounter means, but it's apparent we are still very much attracted to each other and sparks still fly.

I don't know what else to do but keep the NC by not calling and hope that she misses me enough to WANT TO flirt with me like she did.

It's sad but my NC is more to make her miss me than it is for me to heal. I guess it's about even, actually.

Anyone else go through anything like this?