frozenbutt Posted November 19, 2002 Share Posted November 19, 2002 I’d just like to get a discussion going on the topic of: Having friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship. Does your significant other have guy or girl friends? If so how does it make you feel? Why are you comfortable with it or why aren’t you comfortable? If you have a friend, how close is your relationship with that friend? What things do you do? How does your partner feel about it? In my particular situation, she has some guy friends who at one point liked her a lot and both told her. She was in another relationship at the time and decided to stay with her current boyfriend over them. After expressing these feelings both guys pretty much stopped communicating with her....until now. Recently, they’ve gone on dinner dates with her to “catch up” and try and re-establish the friendships they had. She tells me that she’s told them that it’s only “as friends”. More dinner dates are planned for the future. I think the guys have ulterior motives, but I’m willing to understand as she once was friends with them. I trust her but it all just seems fishy. The only reason I question is: I look at my parents and they don’t have any friends that are of the opposite sex. If they do, it’s a mutual friend. But I have never heard my mom or dad say, “I’m going out for dinner with so and so tonight.” Maybe a marriage relationship is different but why is it different? Link to post Share on other sites
mimi Posted November 20, 2002 Share Posted November 20, 2002 Well, I personally think it is OK to have freinds of the oppisite sex while in a relathionship, alot of people do. My ex-boyfreind had female freinds through work and what not, but when it came to "dinner dates", that didn't happen, if it did, I was usually invited along, and they befreinded me too, so it became mutual freinds. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about the two men, if they backed off in her last relationship, they obvioulsy had rescept for the fact she was unavailible. Maybe now they dont know how serious you two are, so they may not know the boundries. I would invite myself along for the dinner dates, why not, it's among "freinds" right? If she gets nervous and makes an excuse why you cant go with them, then simply tell her you'd like to meet these guys in case you have something in common. If it's still a big deal, I would maybe suspect something, and re-evaluate your relationship with her, maybe she doesn't think she is "exclusive" , I dont know. But find out those dates, and make plans for yourself, to take your mind off her date! Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted November 20, 2002 Share Posted November 20, 2002 some people have friends of opposite sex, some don't. some can get past liking someone & be friends with them, some can't. some people lie that they're "just friends" when they're testing the waters. you just never ever know! there are so many difft personalities out there. if it bothers u that yr gf has guy-friends who take her out, you should look for a diff-t type of gf, cuz she'll have guy friends for the rest of her life, even once she;s married, but perhaps she'll see them less frequently then. if you can accept her guy friends, just do that. don't question or bug her. however, if u see her spend a lot of time w/ someone, quietly take a step back and see what happens. im a gal, and i personally have lots of guy friends. and i will, even if i'm in a r/s. true, some of those guy friends used to like me. so what?... I think a man should be secure enough to let me do whatever i like. If he notices that i'm reluctant to introduce him to my guy friends, it's fine for him to talk to me about it. otherwise, he should just let me be. similarly, i used to date a guy whose friends were mostly gals, and he would hug them, etc, all the time. i found that was fine, b/c they all knew *i* was his gf, he always told me about them, etc. just some random thoughts, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author frozenbutt Posted December 8, 2002 Author Share Posted December 8, 2002 I'd like to hear if anyone has friends that have confessed to liking you, yet you continued being friends? How has the friendship changed or hasn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted December 8, 2002 Share Posted December 8, 2002 I agree with your first post frozenbutt. This new girl I am going out with now had a guy friend she still kinda hung out with. I let her know this made me feel a little bit uncomfortable and she knew this too. That's why she was gonna let the "friend" know about me. Hopefully he'll get the picture and back off, even though he's no competition. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted December 8, 2002 Share Posted December 8, 2002 I have guy friends and my b/f has girl friends. Most of them are friends we share. If they are friends we don't share the only reason is because we haven't introduced each other yet. There is no "This is my friend and that is your friend" I introduce my man to my friends and he does the same with his friends. I think you need to ask her why you haven't been introduced and that you have a problem with it. In a relationship you share everthing. Even with friends, you may still know each others friends, but doesn't mean you have to hang out with them. A simply face to the name is fine. Link to post Share on other sites
katy_katt Posted December 11, 2002 Share Posted December 11, 2002 I have a lot of guy friends that have told me they were attracted to me once upon a time, and the friendship has not really changed. In one case, I liked a guy too, but nothing came of it...we both knew that we could be good friends but a relationship would probably never work out between us. So we're just really really good friends now. I go for coffee and drinks with my friends and sometimes dinner too, but there is never anything romantic about it. When I am in a relationship I usually try to introduce my guy friends to my boyfriend, in the hopes that they will become mutual friends. I had one bf that was very jealous and just didn't want to meet any of my guy friends, but on the few occasions he did, he would always find something about the guy that he didn't like. But, the guy I just started seeing doesn't have a problem with me having any guy friends, because he also has a lot of female friends, several of whom he has already introduced me to, and we get along great! And I make sure to let all of my friends know that I am seeing somebody, and I let him know I told them this so that he feels more comfortable...he's also done the same for me. There...just my thoughts! Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted December 16, 2002 Share Posted December 16, 2002 I just don't see the need to have any "girl" friends. Yeah I'm sure they are good listeners or whatever but if hang out with a girl it's because I like her. I think that's pretty much the way it is with most guys too..... Link to post Share on other sites
Liven_On_Love Posted December 17, 2002 Share Posted December 17, 2002 I think it is different in all realationships. ther have been some I could trust with 'female' friends and others that I put VERY blunt "I dont want you to have friends that are female until I am more secure" if they cant respect me enough, and if they dont care enough about me to respect my feelings than .... Theres the door honey! Dont let it hit you in the A@@ on the way outta here! Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted December 23, 2002 Share Posted December 23, 2002 Originally posted by mighty bop I think that's pretty much the way it is with most guys too..... "Speak only for yourself when making assumptions unless you've got reputable sources to back your claims. I base my friendships on the individual qualities and characteristics of a person--one of them not being gender." Key words from my post: "think" and "most". It's just my opinion.........I don't need any sources for that Link to post Share on other sites
rangrfan22 Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 I have a gf also that has maybe two guy friends one being her ex boyfriend and one a friend. But me and my gf tried to hang out with her ex but he felt uncomfortable ok but we tried to hangout with her friend but he also would feel uncomfortable with me being there and he never met me before. Don't you think that that is strange i just think if you are in a relationship you should look for other people to hang out with that are also in a relationship bc no one will get uncomfortable Link to post Share on other sites
michguy Posted January 24, 2003 Share Posted January 24, 2003 This is a tough subject. There is no easy answer. It's more than a matter of trust... it's a matter of being understanding of your partners feelings. If a guy has female friends or a gir has guy friends... in either case... one should allow each of their GF or BF to meet these people if requested. I remember reading in one of these forums that if your doing something with a "friend" that you think your partner would be uncomfortable with... then that's cheating... you need to reconsider the relationship. I think the same applies here... if your partner is uncomfortable with you having friends... by all means... suggest an introduction. Who's more important anyway? Your friend or your partner? If you're not sure... you've got a problem. Just my 2 cents... Link to post Share on other sites
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