Tired of falling away from me.

[burning up]

I am tired of it. Tired of holding it all in, tired of the draining secrets, tired of telling him no until I am blue in the face, tired of it all. Tired mostly of being blackmailed, being manipulated, coerced. Tired of being ashamed of myself, this is not the girl I planned on being. I had high hopes for myself.

 

I am not married to my BF, but things are getting towards that point now. Funny how I was always so unsure of myself and him until recently. His dishonesty,lies and hurtfulness pushed me away from him, but yet so did he. He kept this huge gap between us, for his reasons alone, yet would control me, wouldnt let me go anywhere, cold, indifferent, but wanted me there just the same. The reality of a future with this man pushed me to the brink.

 

I began hanging out with a friend of mine, who was extremely affectionate. We had such good times, but alas, it was doomed from the start. Things started getting really innappropriate, and I started backing off. But he came forward. He knew my situation. Knew how I was. Even to this day, a year and a half later, I have not had sex with him. But have done other things.

 

This friend has now turned into a clingly, sullen, spoiled person. He uses all of my own personal free time, sucks me dry of personal space, becomes moody and ill tempered if things dont sit well with him, and I find myself walking on egg shells around him. I feel like I constantly have to explain the obvious to him over and over and over again and it frustrates and agitates me. He knows that I cant just take off for 4 hours and hang out with him yet he becomes so despondant and hurtful if I dont.

 

The funny thing is, the nature of our relationship was defined. I told him that I love my bf, and dont want to leave him, but that he is hurtful to me. He has known this from day one. But lately he presses and presses me to go with him, to leave my bf, to be with him, he suffocates me, and alarms me. I have been trying to push away from him little by little, but it is to the point that I am scared, actually scared of what will happen if I do.

 

sorry. I had to get it out there. I know. Its my fault. I accept full blame.

[norajane]

So your bf is cold and controlling and this other "friend" is clingy and manipulative.

 

Ahem. Perhaps you ought to look within yourself and figure out why you attract destructive and unhealthy relationships with destructive and unhealthy men? Why do you continue with these relationships?

 

Neither of these men is going to change. YOU, on the other hand, have the power to change - to rid yourself of unhealthy relationships and seek out ones that are good for you.

 

I wouldn't get married to Mr. Controlling Man if I were you. And I would gently, but firmly, distance myself from Mr. Clingy and Suffocating. If you don't, you will end up suffocated by one or both of them.

[LakesideDream]

That's why it's called "Dating". Dating is a time for people to find out about prospective partners.

 

I seems from your post that neither of these men is suitable for you. Don't fight it !! Move away from these guys and keep your eyes open for a man who will meet your needs, and whose needs you are happy and comfortable meeting.

 

Believe me, life is WAY to short to squander it on choices (in your case men) who you know are not right for you.

[outofdarkness]

I am tired of it. Tired of holding it all in, tired of the draining secrets, tired of telling him no until I am blue in the face, tired of it all. Tired mostly of being blackmailed, being manipulated, coerced. Tired of being ashamed of myself, this is not the girl I planned on being. I had high hopes for myself.

 

I am not married to my BF, but things are getting towards that point now. Funny how I was always so unsure of myself and him until recently. His dishonesty,lies and hurtfulness pushed me away from him, but yet so did he. He kept this huge gap between us, for his reasons alone, yet would control me, wouldnt let me go anywhere, cold, indifferent, but wanted me there just the same. The reality of a future with this man pushed me to the brink.

 

I began hanging out with a friend of mine, who was extremely affectionate. We had such good times, but alas, it was doomed from the start. Things started getting really innappropriate, and I started backing off. But he came forward. He knew my situation. Knew how I was. Even to this day, a year and a half later, I have not had sex with him. But have done other things.

 

This friend has now turned into a clingly, sullen, spoiled person. He uses all of my own personal free time, sucks me dry of personal space, becomes moody and ill tempered if things dont sit well with him, and I find myself walking on egg shells around him. I feel like I constantly have to explain the obvious to him over and over and over again and it frustrates and agitates me. He knows that I cant just take off for 4 hours and hang out with him yet he becomes so despondant and hurtful if I dont.

 

The funny thing is, the nature of our relationship was defined. I told him that I love my bf, and dont want to leave him, but that he is hurtful to me. He has known this from day one. But lately he presses and presses me to go with him, to leave my bf, to be with him, he suffocates me, and alarms me. I have been trying to push away from him little by little, but it is to the point that I am scared, actually scared of what will happen if I do.

 

sorry. I had to get it out there. I know. Its my fault. I accept full blame.

That really is a tough situation. You have to choose between the lesser of two evils if you are insistent on being with one of these guys. The latter sounds like a true stalker, and your BF sounds like he may be planning more then just controlling behavior once you're M...I agree w/ the others that you should probably get out now, or at the very least, talk w/ a counseler of a trusted friend...Good luck..

[Burning up]

With regards to Mr Controlling, I feel as if things have gotten better considerably. With Mr Clingy, it has gotten worse. He has commented time and again how vindictive he is, is the first to admit that when he feels as if he has been screwed over, he is very revengeful.

 

I am worried that me backing away will be viewed as "screwing him over" and thus he will become revengeful. Even though he KNOWS that I am not interested in having that kind of relationship with him right now.

 

I care so much for him and love him as well as he is my best friend, but his behaviour is tripping me out, and when I try to hint at that, he thinks I am just scared of falling in love...with him..could be true.

[outofdarkness]

With regards to Mr Controlling, I feel as if things have gotten better considerably. With Mr Clingy, it has gotten worse. He has commented time and again how vindictive he is, is the first to admit that when he feels as if he has been screwed over, he is very revengeful.

 

I am worried that me backing away will be viewed as "screwing him over" and thus he will become revengeful. Even though he KNOWS that I am not interested in having that kind of relationship with him right now.

 

I care so much for him and love him as well as he is my best friend, but his behaviour is tripping me out, and when I try to hint at that, he thinks I am just scared of falling in love...with him..could be true.

yep...sounds like you're doing a great job of analyzing your own feelings. Follow your gut feeling...99.9 percent of the time, it's right on the money!