she's not emotionally ready but

[milxam7]

Well there's this girl that likes me and i like her, but she had just recently got out of a long relationship. We talk for hours on the phone for couple nights a week, cuddle a lot during movies at my place and everything. She usually comes over every weekend and we flirt a lot, but she tells me that she doesn't want to get hurt and doesn't feel emotionally ready.

 

Her old boyfriend is basically telling her that he is better off without her and she feels like crap. She's a busy person with drama and school, but she's a really shy person and her parents are strict with her and has a 11:30 curfew on the weekends and been sheltered from the world. When i try to kiss her she turns away saying shes not ready and that shes too shy. what do i do to make her feel more comfortable with me that we could have a relationship from this. Or not to do??

[loggrad98]

What you do not do is pressure her into anything she is not ready for. There is nothing you can do to convince her to have a physical relationship if she is not ready for it herself. It sounds to me like you DO have a relationship, but that it is just not physical, and it sounds like for you it does not "count" as a relationship unless you are kissing and doing other stuff.

 

What is wrong with being friends first and let the rest come as it may? If she has a curfew and has been "sheltered" as you put it, maybe that is a sign of parents who care about her and are trying to teach her correct values as they believe them to be. Why is that a terrible thing?

 

It is possible her last boyfriend could not get her to put out so now he is trying to make her feel bad about it, which is just wrong. If you really care about her, you will put her need to be in control of her sexuality ahead of your need to get some (whether kissing or petting or sex).

 

You said it all in your leadin to this post. She is not emotionally ready. That is all you really need to know. Let her come around in her own time.

 

I have gotten ahead of myself though, so first things first, how old are you? It sounds like high school to me and that is WAY too early to be worrying about a girlfriend who will not put out. She is entitled to her childhood and YES high school is still about childhood...and beginning to learn what the adult world is about. It is perfectly NORMAL and absolutely NOTHING wrong with her not being ready or being shy, she is still a kid for heaven's sake! There are virtually NO high school age kids truly ready for the emotional impact of a sexual relationship, so slow down there romeo!

 

By the way, ALL the above still applies even if you are NOT in high school. Even the part about being not ready or shy. That is perfectly normal and right for someone to choose how and when to express their sexuality, and if they are shy or not ready, that is JUST FINE. To pressure someone into a sexual relationship, or seduce or whatever you want to call it, is just wrong and can lead only to pain. All you can do it be the best friend they have had and IF it goes there, then be the best friend AND lover they have had, in that order.