bleedinghrt Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 I will try to make this short. My bf and I met in Sept of 04, we were really good friends and hung out with a group clubbing and stuff. In Feb of 05 he needed a place to stay and I had the room so he moved in. We started a relationship and in March he told me he loved me, In April I returned the words to him. Okay this is where I need some help. He was a huge online slut before we got together and for a while after we were dating. Well I thought we were dating at that time because he had told me he loved me and we were living as a couple. But this last year he tells me that we were not dating then that we were just intimate and that I need to get over it. He would sneak out of bed at night and cam with women on teh internet. Speak to them about meeting and ****ing and so forth. So we get in a arguement the other night and I mention I dont even know our annv. because I am not sure when he stopped lying to me about loving me and began to really mean it. He says if i think that him telling me he loved me was a lie then we are over. I pushed that and he dropped it because i think he relized that he was in quite a situation. If he says that he wasnt lying .. then was he cheating on me? And if he was lying to me ... well **** me running what a way to start a relationship. I cant seem to stop thinking about this. What do you all think ? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 What is happening NOW. Is he going online and reminding you of the same behavior? You've been with him for more than a year since this happened. Even if you consider it cheating then - you will have a very hard time dealing with this individually and as a couple. I agree that it was bad but he can't change anything from back then. He can't "make up for it" now. And if he has been perfect since - that is what would have been required then to prove to you that he does love you, etc. So if all has been great since and you want to stay with him - fighting about this is like beating a dead horse. It will never be resolved for you because you are bringing the past into the future. Picking at it and bickering will eventually destroy what you have so if you intend on doing this you may as well walk now. Now if he is still doing things like this - well you should walk immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bleedinghrt Posted March 6, 2007 Author Share Posted March 6, 2007 Well the thing is I know that he is on line 12 hours a day every day at work and works alone at his shop. So I dont really know what he is doing I can only suspect that he is continueing his behavior. Thats where the arguement started the other day is we were talking on the phone I asked him what he was doing and he said that he had been cleaning parts when in fact I could see that he was on line chatting. Is he misbehaving .. I dont know ... and he will never answer when I ask he just says that im a snoop and that I am always calling him a liar. when I can see he is lying .. but those are white lies so its okay ..... NO ITS NOT OKAY Link to post Share on other sites
dcknudson Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 These men have really bad habits. Sometimes I don't even think they know whats looking at them anymore. How sad is that. I hear what you are saying. I have had similar problems with my boyfriend hitting the computer and connecting with other women through myspace. Like you I can't stand this. I don't know if he is doing the cam but I have seen women emailing him on how hot he is and they want to party or meet him. There is so much filth out there it really isn't funny. Sometimes you just want to be alone, maybe that is easier. Unfortunately I have no answer for you. My problems are difficult too and the only thing I can think of is counseling.I will have to persue it soon or my problems will drive me crazy.You should take a look at my thread on EX-LINGERING IN BACKGROUND. DK Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 he said that he had been cleaning parts when in fact I could see that he was on line chatting. Is he misbehaving .. I dont know ... and he will never answer when I ask he just says that im a snoop and that I am always calling him a liar. when I can see he is lying .. but those are white lies so its okay ..... NO ITS NOT OKAY If he is lying to you - I'd say dump him. If he is going to lie about small insignificant stuff then what else is he lying about? If you break it off because of not being able to trust him and he wants to work it out - let him know the only way is for him to be a complete open book. To regain your trust he would need to answer all questions and prove what he can if you ask him to. It is the only way you'll be able to start trusting him again - he needs to prove he is trustworthy. If he has a problem with it, walk. If he doesn't break down and beg you to stay with him, walk (he is not very committed to begin with if this is the case). If you stay in a relationship where you can't trust him, it will never be a harmonious happy one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bleedinghrt Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 You know I pretty much know I need to leave this relationship. Its just that we have a 4 month old daughter with downs syndrome and I was hoping I was crazy.... But being alone would feel better, I hate feeling crazy and having to snoop on him like hes some kid. And he hasnt been an open book and gets really upset when I do snoop . He has an excuse for everything. As I am typing this i can feel my heart breaking, I think it has become a real problem .... OCD if you will ... checking and double checking ... **** why do ppl lie and cheat ..if you feel you need to do that why be with the person and hurt them. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Sorry for the duplicate post! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bleedinghrt Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 Oh I know I have lost myself. I use to be a very confident happy person and in the last 7 months I have had no self esteem or happiness other then my children. I have known I have needed to do this. I just needed some validation. They love to tell us how crazy we are. Its a shame, hes a nice guy and Im a great catch. It really is his loss. I hope he can find what he is looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Oh I know I have lost myself. I use to be a very confident happy person and in the last 7 months I have had no self esteem or happiness other then my children. I have known I have needed to do this. I just needed some validation. They love to tell us how crazy we are. Its a shame, hes a nice guy and Im a great catch. It really is his loss. I hope he can find what he is looking for. It really IS his loss. And your children deserve a relationship model that is stable and healthy. He is selfish and can't see past the nose on his face. Yes some guys lie and are really good at twisting things around to try to make you feel it is your fault. These are the guys you run from. The only thing they do really well is keep you occupied so you can't find one of the good ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts