my friends girlfriend

[needshelp]

Ok this is kind of a long story so ill try to make it quick and not ramble too much. I have known Jay and Veronica for 6 or 7 years. They have been boyfriend/girlfriend for 4 years. We have been pretty close friends for most of that time.

 

About 3 months ago I started to notice that Veronica might be attracted to me (at least she acts like she is) and I started to become very attracted to her. I hang out with her and Jay pretty often and it even got to the point where i would go to their town (about 30 miles away) just so I can see her.

 

Last Thursday I stopped in at the gas station where Veronica is a manager to talk to her and what not and she told me that Jay had to work that night and that she got off in an hour so why dont we go hang out together. We went out to eat and went bowling and just rode around town for most of the night. There was one point in the night that we were just starring into each others eyes and should have kissed her but didnt.

 

I had one of the best times of my life hanging out with her. She is everything Ive ever wanted in a girl, shes sweet, funny, and intellegent. I really think im starting to fall in love with her but I dont know if i should tell her. If i do theres the chance that she doesnt feel the same way and theres the obvious thing with her boyfriend. But on the other hand I cant stop thinking about her Im starting to lose sleep over this.

 

What should i do? Any advise would be awesome.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "What should i do? Any advise would be awesome."

 

I think you ought to learn more about what friendship and boundaries. You need to study morals and ethics. You need to learn about being decent and proper and honoring friendships...no matter what signals this lady may be sending.

 

You obviously haven't learned about karma yet. Go ahead and get involved with this friend who is the girlfriend of a friend of yours. Karma will shove it to you like you've never had it before.

 

I am so very happy I don't have friends like you. What you are doing is sickening.

[needshelp]

What do you mean what im doing is sickening. I havent done anything, thats why i asked for advise!

[Julia]

Tony is being way too harsh. Yes it's not the most fantastic situation to be in, and your loyalty does lie with your friend. However, sometimes the most selfish thing to do is also the only choice you have. I was in a similiar situation, and after leaving my boyfriend for his best friend, I am the happiest woman in the world. It obviously was a difficult decision and I could have stayed in a dead-end relationship but I followed my heart and 10 years later we are married with 2 beautiful children and I couldn't be happier. My point is - life is too short to retreat from happiness. But don't dare make a move unless you are willing to lose your friend and suffer a great deal of guilt along the way. Is she worth it?

[Tony T]

It warms my heart that people are willing the screw over friends for their own self interests, no matter how things may turn out.

 

I guess sometimes the powers for morals, ethics and good conscience just don't win out. Exercise of self-restraint in the interests of good may not work for everybody...but that's the way I live my life.

 

The reason my response to the initial post was so harsh was, perhaps, solely because a human being would have to ask it in the first place.

 

I never even have to consider a situation where my two options are to do nothing or to betray, hurt and screw over a friend in favor of exploring something I have no idea what direction it will go. Things always have a way of coming back on you.

 

Furthermore, I would never have anything to do with a female who would flirt or otherwise move towards a friend of her boyfriend's. That takes a lot of balls, something I do not like hanging down from the females I date. It is highly likely she would do it again to others.

 

But, Julia, I celebrate the fact that your relationship has worked out well. I will agree with you that they can...but, in my opinion, if I felt such a tremendous compulsion for the girl of a friend of mine, I would first insist that she no longer be seeing him....and then I would wait an appropriate amount of time after the break up before striking up a relationship with somebody who could be the love of my life.

 

Nah, there are just too many ladies out there. I don't think I would really participate in something like that. My conscience wouldn't let me. But there are those whose conscience wouldn't be phased. And I would have no respect for a girl who would participate in that sort of maneuver. Nevermind.

 

Nah, on the other hand this friend needs to know he's got a traitor for a girlfriend. No guy deserves to be with a female who's flirting with a friend of his. Maybe we ought to bust this up for the sake of the poor guy this girl is with. It's better this whole friendship be crumbled because it's pretty sorry anyway.

 

Hell, I don't know. I'm going back to bed.

[ACE123]

A very wise old guy told me once:

 

" Pal... girls come and go, but your friends, your REAL friends are forever, thru thick and thin."

 

So, what you gotta ask yerself is...do you feel lucky...PUNK!

errrr....sorry about that!

 

I mean, you have to ask yourself:

 

What is worth more to you"?

A relationship that may kill a friendship, or a friendship that may thwart a relationship?

 

Choices......hmmmmm, gotta love em!

 

Cheers!

 

ACE123

[Ally Boo]

I think you all are being too harsh on Tony. He's the one person who seems to really stand up for what's right, and I agree with what he has said.

[lostone]

Tony is the so right. Values, ethics, conscience and common sense are suppose to make people do the right things in life. Albeit, "common sense is not so common." It's definitely a screw you society; all anyone thinks about is themselves and how it is "their world."

 

Get over it and go onto a different person to value friendship if you have scruples!

[HokeyReligions]

Well, I agree w/ Tony -- to a certain extent.

 

Jay & Veronica are not married. It's not like you would be busting up a family right?

 

If Veronica and Jay are having some problems -- to the point that you think she may be interested in you, then their relationship needs some attention.

 

You think you may have some feelings for her. Whether they are from lonliness or familiarity or lust on your part it doesn't matter - you have some feelings that step outside the friendship boundry.

 

In your place I would risk the friendship by telling Veronica that you have been feeling a little different around her lately and wonder if maybe she is experiencing the same thing. If she says NO then I would tell her that I need to distance myself a little so I can get my live and emotions back on track. If Jay says anything be honest with him too and tell him that you've been feeling some things lately that you need to get under control and just want some time to yourself to do it. Be honest about talking to Veronica too and tell Jay that she told you she is NOT interested in you as anything other than a friend.

 

If Veronica IS interested in you, tell her that she needs to square away her relationship with Jay first and then YOU and Jay need to talk too. There is where you decide if you want to throw away Jay's friendship, and hurt him, by dating Veronica. Think about the consequences of this -- you won't all be able to hang together. Show some respect for your friends or be prepared to lose them.

 

Above all, be honest and not sneaky. Consider other's feelings too.

 

Veronica and Jay may just need to work on their own relationship a little -- sometimes we all need a boost and our minds can wander a little and mistake unfilled passion or lust for an unsolvable problem, then later be able to fix the problem and have a better relationship than before - which would be good for Jay & Veronica, but bad for you. And you don't want to tempt Veronica away from Jay if it is a fixable problem in their relationship. You will ALL be hurt then.