Knittress Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Just wondering... Other than the fact that's it's a better situation to bring children into - is it because fools fall in love or insurance against the harder times in any relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 People get married for all kinds of reasons. Ideally, they're committed to the team and playing to win. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 it's a leap of faith into the future Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Besides the above good reasons, you gain very important legal rights like being able to visit your loved one in the hospital, etc.... very important! I think marriage is like a third entity in a love relationship as well, for good or for bad. It's a cultural institution, for one thing. And because of this it's something for a couple to nurture and maintain. I mean, this can be done when you're not married, too... but it is a focal point because of its long history. I think it's a choice to join into it as far as this is concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
LaughMachine Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Are you asking out of wanting to know more reasons or are you a bit puzzled to why people get married? Marriage will always be different and percieved differently from the cuple who are getting married. Some might get married just for security and to have someone there. While others genuinely love eachother and know they are right for eachother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Knittress Posted March 6, 2007 Author Share Posted March 6, 2007 I suppose I'm just generally puzzled what the reasons are behind people deciding to go from happily going steady/cohabiting to legally wed. I suppose it arises from personal reflections if ~I~ see any point in it, but I really just wanted to see if there was a component to the whole thing that I just didn't GET. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Are you asking out of wanting to know more reasons or are you a bit puzzled to why people get married? Marriage will always be different and percieved differently from the cuple who are getting married. Some might get married just for security and to have someone there. While others genuinely love eachother and know they are right for eachother. I love my boyfirend and I know we are right for each other but I personally don't see any reason to get married. It wouldn't really change anything. Link to post Share on other sites
milvushina Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 I was not as gung ho to get married as my husband becaues it seemed like we had it all already when we lived together. But it's really nice to have the same last name. Makes you feel more like a family. Also, we can pick up each other's paychecks and medicine, or if I forget my ID I can use his when I use my credit cards, lots and lots of little things like that. And tax breaks, education grants, and stuff like that, that I've gotten to take advantage of. And like polywog said other legal issues. Also our families are a lot warmer toward the SO when it's a husband/wife instead of boyfriend/girlfriend. And even the jerkiest of his friends are nicer to me since we got married. Oh, and a lot of people do it for religious reasons, too, I'm sure! Link to post Share on other sites
catrocks Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 I was not as gung ho to get married as my husband becaues it seemed like we had it all already when we lived together. But it's really nice to have the same last name. Makes you feel more like a family. Also, we can pick up each other's paychecks and medicine, or if I forget my ID I can use his when I use my credit cards, lots and lots of little things like that. And tax breaks, education grants, and stuff like that, that I've gotten to take advantage of. And like polywog said other legal issues. Also our families are a lot warmer toward the SO when it's a husband/wife instead of boyfriend/girlfriend. And even the jerkiest of his friends are nicer to me since we got married. Oh, and a lot of people do it for religious reasons, too, I'm sure! I think that's lovely, and just what I would have said I'm marrying my fiancé because I want to be with him, properly, and forever. Simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Besides the legal reasons for getting married, I want the feeling of being a real, and legitimate part of his family. It's the commitment portion of it. Does he see us as an integrated unit "forever".. or the good for now girlfriend? Plus.. I feel getting married really makes people reassess what they want and need from a partner. When faced with life without parol with that person, it'll cause a person who might only be comfortable to bail out if they dont' feel the relationship is worth the struggle of marriage. Maybe that's not a good reason to get married... but I do know it'll test the relationship enough to bring to light either the value of it, or the problems. And maybe end a few relationships that were subsisting on "comfort" alone. For me, that's one of the reasons I want marriage. The feeling of being family for real instead of the guest gf. The legal reasons. And to see whether my bf is actually serious about a life together, or just too unmotivated to find someone better suited. I feel, if a person is right for you, then you want to marry them. If there's big gnawing doubts, then they probably aren't the person for you. Thoughts of getting married will bring those doubts to the surface. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 I feel, if a person is right for you, then you want to marry them. If there's big gnawing doubts, then they probably aren't the person for you. Thoughts of getting married will bring those doubts to the surface. Sometimes that is not the case if someone doesn't want to get married. They just really see marriage as pointless and a pice of paper. It doesn't mean they love their partner anyless then someone who wants marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 Sometimes that is not the case if someone doesn't want to get married. They just really see marriage as pointless and a pice of paper. It doesn't mean they love their partner anyless then someone who wants marriage. What do you mean by pointless? I know the divorce rate is like 70% now. And the things gained from marriage are pretty vague and more of a maybe future benefit type thing. Like if I die, (and was married) my husband would get everything I have left. Or if I'm a vegetable, my husband can make the decision on whether I should have the plug pulled or not. Or getting his social security benefit after his death.. whatever... But pointless... I'm not seeing. There are benefits to it, as well as drawbacks. So I can't see how it's pointless. Pointless would mean absolutely nothing is garnered from the endeavor. However, if what you meant is that there's far too much negative to the idea, and those out weigh the positives for the specific person then maybe I could understand that. BUT... why do the negatives outweigh the positives? I don't think the rate of breakup's for gf/bf is less than for marriage.. the census bureau doesn't track those. I'd say splits between bf/gf are far higher than the 70% rate of marriage, if you tracked all of them. I wouldn't have suffered more from divorcing my exh than if I'd been dating him. We shared accounts while dating and he could've taken all the money then just as easily as he did when I left the marriage. I actually had more of a legal right to claim my things than if I hadn't been married to him. Otherwise, I'm sure the bastard would've absconded with all of it. Lucky the court made him give some back. Dating my bf I don't have any claim to his death benefit, so three years of dating.. if he dies.. I don't even get the $250 the gov gives to the survivor. That'll go to his brother.. but I'll be the one paying for the funeral since his brothers such a loser. So all in all.. I don't see why marriage is "pointless". I see draw backs. I see potential pitfalls that come with marriage.. but having been in both situations, I don't feel one is necessarily "better" than the other. They just have different attributes. If one is "better" its due to a different set of reasons for each person.. which then makes me wonder what those reasons are? But pointless... is not an answer, not in my book. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 I just personally don't see the point in marriage. It doesn't make the two of you any more or less likely to be together forever. It doesn't mean an affair is more or less likely. As of right now neither one of us really have anything worth value so if we did break up the only thing we would fight over would be the pets. For some people they feel the need to get married. Others just don't feel a need to. I would be just as happy being only his "girlfriend" as I would being his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 BUT... why do the negatives outweigh the positives? I don't think the rate of breakup's for gf/bf is less than for marriage.. the census bureau doesn't track those. I'd say splits between bf/gf are far higher than the 70% rate of marriage, if you tracked all of them. . actually WALK.....the failure rate for ALL relationships is 100% over time. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 For us, it was a formal way of declaring what our relationship meant to each of us. It was an understanding that we are committed to the entire journey through our lives. I know he is as committed as I am and vice versa with no misunderstanding of what that means. We became our own family. Our own support system. Marriage to us was the significant end to being separate entities and becoming "one". The ceremony itself (with reception) was a statement from the family that they were accepting me/him into the extended family formally as well. That's a little bit of it. As a side note - I also couldn't stomach introducing him as my "boyfriend" when he is so much more than that. It also sounds incredibly juvenile. Husband notes his permanent importance in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 actually WALK.....the failure rate for ALL relationships is 100% over time. 100% of relationships don't fail...... Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 100% of relationships don't fail...... sure they do....you're forgetting about death. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 sure they do....you're forgetting about death. Well I don't really consider death to be failure of a relationship. I see failure to be something that is done because of what one or both of the parties involved in the relationship choose to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 actually WALK.....the failure rate for ALL relationships is 100% over time. Quite true as all relationships come to an end eventually. Some sooner than we think . Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 100% of relationships don't fail...... sure they do....you're forgetting about death. Since when is death considered to be a cause of relationship failure? 100% of relationships do not fail. Many couples are together until the day they pass away. Where is the failure there? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Almost ALL relationships are successful for a period of time. Some go sour after a period of time but correct, others go south forever, some just go up and down with the wind and body chemicals. Today, I think whether it's a living-together relationship or marriage, if it's good for a period of time then it's successful. There's really no difference if it ends in parting, divorce or death. All of them involve the same ending and most of the time hurt of some sort. If a relationship lasts to the very end, that's terrific. It means the two people were just right for each other, had meshing personalities, weren't selfish, were understanding and tolerant of each other and had a whole lot of other qualities required to keep it together. That really doesn't happen very often. I think a lot of people give up on finding that GREAT situation and just get together with someone out of loneliness and out of the hope that things will get better. Sometimes they do...and sometimes they don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Since when is death considered to be a cause of relationship failure? 100% of relationships do not fail. Many couples are together until the day they pass away. Where is the failure there? I said they all come to an * end *....and thats quite true. Also how can you have a relationship if you are dead ? Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 I just personally don't see the point in marriage. It doesn't make the two of you any more or less likely to be together forever. It doesn't mean an affair is more or less likely. As of right now neither one of us really have anything worth value so if we did break up the only thing we would fight over would be the pets. For some people they feel the need to get married. Others just don't feel a need to. I would be just as happy being only his "girlfriend" as I would being his wife. So the main reason NOT to get married is because it won't make the relationship any easier if you do? It won't safe guard against affairs, or ending relationships, so why bother? I'm not saying you'd be happier being his wife, or less happy being his gf. I think if a person feels it would change based on a certificate, then you shouldn't get married. I was attempting to understand the rational/logical reasons for why bf/gf is better for you then marriage ever could be? Why does it make you feel more secure? Why does it cause you to toss out even the notion of marriage as pure folly? You stated that you don't have anything worth any value so dividing those in a break up wasn't a consideration.. Does that mean you plan on spending the rest of your life with nothing of value? You aren't ever going to buy a house? Save for retirement? I'm not saying you're wrong for not wanting to get married. But why so short sighted toward the future? You state your arguments as though life will always be just as it is right this moment. What about the future? What about when you're both in your 70s staring death in the face? Do you have plans on making things legal as far as living wills, distribution of assets upon death, maing each other beneficiaries on stocks and investments? Or does none of that matter because you don't have much belief the relationship will last that long? Which is fine... if you aren't sure, then you aren't sure... but things won't always be exactly as they are now, and most people choose either marriage, or to invest in a lawyer, to ensure that their partner has the legal rights they need if a problem arises. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Every marriage is as good or bad as the two people in it. It is what you and your spouse make it. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 I said they all come to an * end *....and thats quite true. Also how can you have a relationship if you are dead ? A relationship coming to an end as a result of death and a failed relationship are two different things, but I do like Tony T's response. Link to post Share on other sites
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