God & successful Relationships

[lonelybird]

Does God have anything to do with relationships (relationship between people, relationship between couple)? YES.

 

Similar things happen around us. why some people can still have peace and content in heart, while other people cannot? The only different thing is they have different perspectives for life. The former always appreciate, the later always complain. The stronger relationship with God is, the better we interact with people, the better relationship we get. why?

 

1) Faith in God and depend on God. This means less depend on other people. We get love source from God, not from people. but we can exchange love with people and give love to people. People are not our source. When people treat us good, it is a reward. when people treat us bad, they made mistakes, they are not perfect, but our source of love will not be cut off. so we can easily forgive those who hurt us.

 

2) Depend on people. less or don't depend on God. if so, every other people around us become our source of love. every other people become "owe" us something. we do things to please other people, hoping they give us in return, if not, they are bad and hurt us. because they cut us off the source of love which sustain human being. the whole world became enemy. Resentment is easily born. maybe other people did 5 good things for us, but also did 1 or 2 bad things to us, then we easily remember the bad things, but don't remember good things. but if change perspectives, we would be very happy and appreciate the 5 good things, then forget the bad things other people did to us.

THIS IS A BONDAGE.

 

People say they believe in God, but how can they believe in God while are still living in tons of bondage? or they didn't understand God's love and the Gift He gave? Jesus set you free, free indeed.

 

How to understand and accept God's love? maybe many other Christians have better ideas, I hope they post here. I think read Bible and comprehend Bible is a good start. and appreciation also is one.

[RecordProducer]

2) Depend on people. less or don't depend on God. if so, every other people around us become our source of love. every other people become "owe" us something. we do things to please other people, hoping they give us in return, if not, they are bad and hurt us. because they cut us off the source of love which sustain human being. .

I am not religious at all, but I believe in the god that is inside us, I believe in Mother Nature. For me, she can be wonderful and merciless at the same time, she can give and take, control or neglect... but we're all in her hands.

 

Anyway, I loved your post, but I translated it to OURSELVES instead of God. I especially liked the part that I quoted (if these are your thoughts and not from a book then you're very analytical and smart, but you're smart in any case for recognizing the wisdom in these words).

 

Regardless of whether you're a believer or not, we're all people and this is a pattern of our existence - we depend on others, we wait for their love, and get crushed. Unfortunately, this is unavoidable.

 

You can only have a constant, unconditional source of love in your parents and children (and not in all cases). Lovers and friends are a subject to change without notice. Always be prepared to lose them. If you constantly please them, you expect something in return, and you get disappointed. If you don't bother too much then they bother for a while and then give up so the connection is lost.

 

Nature tricked us into these traps: we need lovers for procreation and we need friends to survive, i.e. we have the "social gene" encoded, because we live in community so we have to cooperate. And love gave flavor to everything we do. Depending on other people's love is in the core of our beings. If we deny that, we become frustrated. Isn't the point of life to be happy?

[lovelorcet]

Does God have anything to do with relationships (relationship between people, relationship between couple)?

 

No.............

[My Fair Katie]

Faith: Percent Divorced

Jews: 30%

Born Again Christians: 27%

Other Christians: 24%

Atheists: 21%

 

According to the AP four of the five states showing the highest divorce rathers were in the Bible Belt (Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama, Oklahoma). The fifth was Nevada. The divorce rates in those states are 50 percent above the national average.

 

Do what you want with the stats.

[Salicious Crumb]

Does God have anything to do with relationships (relationship between people, relationship between couple)? YES.

 

You mean God is responsible for cheaters??

 

Kewl...now I feel so much better about it all!! If its ok with God..its ok with me!!!

[quankanne]

The stronger relationship with God is, the better we interact with people, the better relationship we get. why?

 

because a relationship with Him helps us to look past ourselves … we become "other" oriented. You can't be self-centered and experience successful relationships, because you don't put the other person first. And no, I don't mean that in a negative way, but in a way that you give of yourself honestly, not take take take because it's all about you.

 

According to the AP four of the five states showing the highest divorce rathers were in the Bible Belt (Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama, Oklahoma).

 

either they're marrying really young and without any maturity to successfully negotiate a relationship like marriage, or they're getting out of bad relationships at a higher turnover because they recognize that those relationships don't comprise a true marriage (this is from a Catholic perspective, where marriage is considered a sacrament, and therefore sacred). My guess it's a little of both.

[My Fair Katie]

either they're marrying really young and without any maturity to successfully negotiate a relationship like marriage, or they're getting out of bad relationships at a higher turnover

 

It could also have to do with the ease of divorce laws. Never lived or divorced in any of those states, so I can't speak to that. Unfortunately the AP didn't explore that possibility.

[TheDC]

Does God have anything to do with relationships (relationship between people, relationship between couple)?

 

The answer is NO.

 

We get love source from God, not from people.

 

If this is true then why is your name LONELYbird. Is it because deep down inside you know it to be true that ultimately a relationship with an imaginary being is unfulfilling.

[lonelybird]

I am not religious at all, but I believe in the god that is inside us, I believe in Mother Nature. For me, she can be wonderful and merciless at the same time, she can give and take, control or neglect... but we're all in her hands.

 

Anyway, I loved your post, but I translated it to OURSELVES instead of God. I especially liked the part that I quoted (if these are your thoughts and not from a book then you're very analytical and smart, but you're smart in any case for recognizing the wisdom in these words).

 

Regardless of whether you're a believer or not, we're all people and this is a pattern of our existence - we depend on others, we wait for their love, and get crushed. Unfortunately, this is unavoidable.

 

You can only have a constant, unconditional source of love in your parents and children (and not in all cases). Lovers and friends are a subject to change without notice. Always be prepared to lose them. If you constantly please them, you expect something in return, and you get disappointed. If you don't bother too much then they bother for a while and then give up so the connection is lost.

 

Nature tricked us into these traps: we need lovers for procreation and we need friends to survive, i.e. we have the "social gene" encoded, because we live in community so we have to cooperate. And love gave flavor to everything we do. Depending on other people's love is in the core of our beings. If we deny that, we become frustrated. Isn't the point of life to be happy?

Thank you for your post and compliment. but I cannot take fully credit. I believe wisdom come from Holy Spirit, and I only cooperated.

 

As for believing in ourselves, it is danger and easily lead to self-righteousness which produce pride, big ego, hurt other people without knowing....and most of us cannot get unconditional love from our parents.

 

Yes, love give flavor to life, but other people cannot be our SOURCE, if they are our source, it easily lead to codependance and twisted love. we can EXCHANGE love with others though and it is rewarding.

 

Yes, our human nature traps us into many pits. That's why we should focus on God, Jesus was crucified on the cross, and we should do so daily (crucify our selfishness, desires beyond basic needs). This is the only way we can have a peaceful and rewarding life both in earth and heaven.

[lonelybird]

When we feel sad or meet some undesirable situation, it's time to SHIFT our focus. Focus on undesirable situation or complaint will NOT do any good to us, but keep us in a sad mood. The most effective way I found and heard is that SHIFT focus from ourselves and undesirable situation to Jesus or kingdom of God. after a while we may find the situation isn't that bad like we thought. and I have to admit that the sad time is the time faith go weak. Satan do have good tricks, but doesn't matter. satan was defeated by Jesus already. We are destined to have a rejoice, abundant life. Attitude rules our lifes. Here are some love quote from Bible, enjoy.

 

--But now I tell you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you

--Why should God reward you if you love only the people who love you? Even the tax collectors do that!

--The seeds that fell among thorn bushes stand for those who hear the message; but the worries about this life and the love for riches choke the message, and they don't bear fruit.

--respect your father and your mother; and love your neighbor as you love yourself.

--Jesus answered, " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.

--I tell you, then, the great love she has shown proves that her many sins have been forgiven. But whoever has been forgiven little shows only a little love."

--Jesus answered him, "Those who love me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and my Father and I will come to them and live with them

--This hope does not disappoint us, for God has poured out his love into our hearts by means of the Holy Spirit, who is God's gift to us

--For I am certain that nothing can separate us from his love: neither death nor life, neither angels nor other heavenly rulers or powers, neither the present nor the future,

--Love must be completely sincere. Hate what is evil, hold on to what is good

--If you love others, you will never do them wrong; to love, then, is to obey the whole Law.

--Now, concerning what you wrote about food offered to idols. It is true, of course, that "all of us have knowledge," as they say. Such knowledge, however, puffs a person up with pride; but love builds up.

--I may be able to speak the languages of human beings and even of angels, but if I have no love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging bell

--I may have the gift of inspired preaching; I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have all the faith needed to move mountains-but if I have no love, I am nothing.

--Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud;

love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs;

love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth.

Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.

Love is eternal.

--Meanwhile these three remain: faith, hope, and love; and the greatest of these is love.

[lonelybird]

Gentlemen, who can find a capable wife? Only Lord can delivery one to you, or most of your efforts would go in vain. So before finding a dream wife, please Lord first.....

 

Here in Bible talk about what is called "a dream wife".

 

31:10 How hard it is to find a capable wife! She is worth far more than jewels!

31:11 Her husband puts his confidence in her, and he will never be poor.

31:12 As long as she lives, she does him good and never harm.

31:13 She keeps herself busy making wool and linen cloth.

31:14 She brings home food from out-of-the-way places, as merchant ships do.

31:15 She gets up before daylight to prepare food for her family and to tell her servant women what to do.

31:16 She looks at land and buys it, and with money she has earned she plants a vineyard.

31:17 She is a hard worker, strong and industrious.

31:18 She knows the value of everything she makes, and works late into the night.

31:19 She spins her own thread and weaves her own cloth.

31:20 She is generous to the poor and needy.

31:21 She doesn't worry when it snows, because her family has warm clothing.

31:22 She makes bedspreads and wears clothes of fine purple linen.

31:23 Her husband is well known, one of the leading citizens.

31:24 She makes clothes and belts, and sells them to merchants.

31:25 She is strong and respected and not afraid of the future.

31:26 She speaks with a gentle wisdom.

31:27 She is always busy and looks after her family's needs.

31:28 Her children show their appreciation, and her husband praises her.

31:29 He says, "Many women are good wives, but you are the best of them all."

31:30 Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears, but a woman who honors the LORD should be praised.

31:31 Give her credit for all she does. She deserves the respect of everyone.

[riobikini]

re:

 

Quankanne: "..either they're marrying really young and without any maturity to successfully negotiate a relationship like marriage, or they're getting out of bad relationships at a higher turnover because they recognize that those relationships don't comprise a true marriage (this is from a Catholic perspective, where marriage is considered a sacrament, and therefore sacred). My guess it's a little of both."

 

Q -I think you nailed it.

 

From a person-who-lived-it point of view, marriage in the rugged region of Tennessee/Virginia where I was raised, has -for at least a good century- been looked upon as a means for survival.

 

And in some cases, still is.

 

With many of the marriages of the young (or very young) it's a way to "move up" or "move out" of miserable circumstances or, at the very least, circumstances that may be far less than desirable.

 

Marriage to someone may be a "last hope" effort to do better -give yourself a new, more promising beginning.

 

In the not-so-distant past, it has, sometimes, been a means to unite a family's wealth -and status (farms, financial wealth, standing/recognition/power in the community), accounting for the names of many of our more prominently-recognized cities, towns, and counties, etc.

 

But here, even today -as well as all around the country- young girls *still* get married because they've wound up pregnant, contributing to the overall percentage rate all throughout the South -and much of the time, those particular marriages end up in divorce.

 

That scenario presents a familiar cycle -but now with dismaying new added aspects to an old problematic tradition that, in the past, due to divorce once being looked upon as a humiliating, shameful prospect, has become the new Plan "B" -or the new and improved (?) "way out".

 

I think back to some of the marriages that happened as I was growing up, and some of the ones I heard about through family stories, and it appears that *some* of them were simply looked upon as "something that was expected" (especially out of young women) -and other family members seemed to have had a big hand in helping to "arrange" -or encourage- them.

 

Some of them lasted until the traditional "til death do us part".

 

While some of them may have been truly happy marriages, I am sure some of them were less so -yet, the couples remained married.

 

And it makes me think : just how different is all that -marital circumstances lived in a hundred years ago- from the stories that are often related here in the boards?

 

-Rio

[lonelybird]

--every man should have his own wife, and every woman should have her own husband.

 

--A man should fulfill his duty as a husband, and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other's needs.

 

--A wife is not the master of her own body, but her husband is; in the same way a husband is not the master of his own body, but his wife is.

 

--every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband

 

What do you think?

[alphamale]

I think read Bible and comprehend Bible is a good start. and appreciation also is one.

while you're at it why not also read the Torah and Koran. Those are also the word of God. You'll be even more appreciative and less myopic.

[sb129]

My boyfriend I are both atheists, but we believe in morals and being good human beings.

We agree with most of the ten commandments, and we have both been brought up by loving families.

 

Obviously defining a relationship as successful can be difficult, as some may decline over time, or vice versa, but ours currently has love, trust, honesty, fidelity and respect.

 

I am happy with that.

[alphamale]

We agree with most of the ten commandments,

what you mean "most" of the 10 commandments. you either believe in all or none. you can't pick and choose. when did cafateria-style religion come into vogue? thats rediculous!

[sb129]

Actually I am trying to remember them all- give me a minute and I will give you a break down

[sb129]

Why can't you agree with SOME of them? Most of the judicial system is based on them

 

I don't believe in theft, murder or adultery(eek was once an OW, but I have learnt from that experience).

I honour my parents, I don't covet my neighbours donkey or house, I don't bear my neighbour false witness

 

BUT- I can't believe in ONE god, because I don't believe there IS a god.

I don't honour the sabbath because I am not part of a religion, same withthe rest of the ones with religious connotations.

[sb129]

And its not cafeteria style religion at all. Its living as a good person WITHOUT feeling the need to pay homage to a nonexistant (IMO) higher being, via organised religion or otherwise.

[alphamale]

And its not cafeteria style religion at all. Its living as a good person WITHOUT feeling the need to pay homage to a nonexistant (IMO) higher being, via organised religion or otherwise.

i was just joking about that ****....I'm actually anti-organized religion

[sb129]

Ok. But can you see what I meant?

 

And its not that I want everyone to be like me, i totally respect other peoples choices and beliefs, I have friends who are jewish,muslim, catholic. I like alot of lonelybirds posts, because she at least is respectful of others beliefs and she is thoughtful and interesting.

 

Two of my immediate family members belong to different churches, but both churches are what some might call extreme...

 

They don't even talk to eachother because while they believe in the same God, they disagree on what that God says is OK. These people are brother and sister, and all they do is slag eachother off (one is worse and much more sanctimonious). Its caused right ructions amongst the other brothers and sisters, and pain to the whole family. I can't accept that.

[alphamale]

Ok. But can you see what I meant?.

most definitely

[lonelybird]

while you're at it why not also read the Torah and Koran. Those are also the word of God. You'll be even more appreciative and less myopic.

My eyes are just fine, don't worry.

 

To your surprise, I read Koran. In Koran its salvation is achieved by faith and by good work. Be honestly the more I read, the more I felt heavy. By doing good work, it will lead two directions. One: grow pride. Second: burden, people don't know when they do enough to please their god and to enter heaven, do I have to count how many good things I did and how many bad thing I did, then plus and subtract? And good work is outside element, not SOUL salvation. But dear Jesus bring us SOUL salvation, He change us from inside, and we would be happy and naturally want to do good work, because Jesus is in us, that is how He is: all giving, loving. When you know what kind of person He is, what He did and doing, YET still reject HIM? He did not hate anybody, He did not reject a person who made mistakes, and He did not reject a person who is less perfect than Jesus, all Jesus want to do is to save us. He will forgive all your past sins, embrace you with love like a father find back his lost son. He sacrificed his own life to break all bondages of ours, all we have to do is to humbly receive Him. Nothing is impossible for God. when will you wait, brother?

[lonelybird]

Ok. But can you see what I meant?

 

And its not that I want everyone to be like me, i totally respect other peoples choices and beliefs, I have friends who are jewish,muslim, catholic. I like alot of lonelybirds posts, because she at least is respectful of others beliefs and she is thoughtful and interesting.

Thank you sb129, you are sweet