Does he like me? Will online love hold up in a LDR??

[catwalk5]

I think the shack is a great forum place... so many people with so many points of view and experience, that makes it so much better than being alone in this... (I also posted the same message in "dating", so sorry if you've read this twice... )

 

what do I do?? Help...

 

Since I broke up with my last bf 1.5 years ago, I haven't met anyone that is attractive, or worth pursuing or worth a second date.... let alone fulfills me, completes me, satisfies me. I kind of just gave up I guess. Then I signed on (pathetically) on this website where you upload your profile, can send winks etc etc... and suddenly got bombarded with so many emails, winks, kisses to meet up... mainly by strange guys who maybe scary...

 

So here starts my story, or my venting. I met this fantastic guy online. we started emailing, and chatting on msn.. and the connection and chemistry was just clear... i felt so comfortable with him, i didn't have to try to communicate... it was as natural as it could be. You know what I'm talking about... connection. After a while, after I was certain he was harmless and honest and straightforward.... we decided to meet up.. this was about 2-3 weeks after we started chatting... I knew we would get on really well... and of course we did. We continued to have long chats on msn, and things progressed pretty fast, before we both had to leave the country and I didn't see him for 1 month... do you believe on online love?? Man, you know how minds work when you are apart... absence makes the heart grow fonder and more passionate and all that... I really couldn't control anything... and the past 2 weeks have been so intense..

 

Anyway to cut a short story even shorter, we connected like 2 people from the same coin... I'm just trying not to feel much for him, as he has to now go away and leave for work. He is still trying to get a job here, and I am hoping like hell that he finds a job here so we can at least have a chance.

 

I can't control what I feel about him - somtimes I feel i feel too much and I don't know what to do. Am I just being crazy. Does he really like me? Is he being non-commital? I think its good he's going away for a week so that I have time to sort my thoughts out. why do I feel the need to see him, call him, text him, msn him... when he doesn't!

 

And that brings me to my next point.. he doesn't call me! He didn't call me to say goodbye when he left on a trip for work... and just msn'ed me like 2 days later and said - oh how are you, like nothing happened! In the beginning of the relationship, don't you just want to always call/hear that other person's voice?? That is what confuses me... I asked him once, and he said - its just normal for me.. I love being alone and I don't usually call.. he said I was being paranoid for thinking that he didn't care. And when we spoke again, and i asked him if it was just a physical thing, do you know what he told me? he said - babe, if i wanted a physical thing, I could get laid very easily.. its not what I want.. otherwise we wouldn't be having deep conversations! " Whats that about???

 

Do you think I should keep him or just move on...

 

now I've got it out I feel slightly better. I don't think he's going to give us a chance. I don't know. I really don't know. I may be confusing falling in love with something else... its the first time in so long that I feel comfortable with myself and my skin with someone... I feel that I have known him for ages but its only been a few months. Calm down, slow down.. I know...but we only have a few more weeks/months together before he leaves for his new job, if he goes. Shall I enjoy every bit of time with him for what we have now, rather than think in the future, and be realistic? The only realistic thing to do would be to stop seeing him in the risk of getting hurt... but... I like him so.....

 

"I love every every inch of you".. he told me... sigh.

[whichwayisup]

Is he married??? Have you been to his house? Called him at his home?

 

Back off and see what he does.

[Sweetie2007]

Wow... pretty much everything you said I've thought to myself in the past!! I read it, and I thought "humm...typical girl, typical reaction". Forgive me if this sounds a bit harsh, but I don't like playing ring-around-the-rosie much (at least not when giving other ppl advice).

 

I met this fantastic guy online. we started emailing, and chatting on msn.. and the connection and chemistry was just clear... i felt so comfortable with him, i didn't have to try to communicate... it was as natural as it could be. You know what I'm talking about... connection. After a while, after I was certain he was harmless and honest and straightforward.... we decided to meet up......We continued to have long chats on msn, and things progressed pretty fast.

 

a small bit of hope: that's exactly how my BF and I met, it's been 2 years now, working on 2.5, and we're still together. He lives in Germany, me in northeastern USA (5000 miles!)

 

Man, you know how minds work when you are apart... absence makes the heart grow fonder and more passionate and all that... I really couldn't control anything...

 

I'm assuming the not controling part is your feelings, your referring to... I completely understand! The 17 months between the first and second visit was hell! I cried, I got angry, bla bla bla, but my feelings went through the roof. I realized more in our time apart than I ever have in our time together...

 

Am I just being crazy. Does he really like me? Is he being non-commital? I think its good he's going away for a week so that I have time to sort my thoughts out. why do I feel the need to see him, call him, text him, msn him... when he doesn't!

And that brings me to my next point.. he doesn't call me! He didn't call me to say goodbye when he left on a trip for work... and just msn'ed me like 2 days later and said - oh how are you, like nothing happened! In the beginning of the relationship, don't you just want to always call/hear that other person's voice??

 

It's you only who can answer if he's being non-commital, from what you wrote, it sounds to me like he is commited to you, and wants to be. The need to text, call, msn, everything, is normal. I've learned, through talking to friends who are also in LDR's, and reading on here, and my own experience, that girls just generally feel a need to be more "connected" to their men. I always get mad if my boyfriend doesn't write a reply to the messages I send him, even if there wasn't a question. He doesn't see the need in writing message after message if I'm not on, or in talking to me for (what I consider to be) significant periods of time a day. He thinks as long as we communicate when we can, and know the love and whatever is there, it's good enough... I think we need to talk more. So what your experiencing is normal with that. My advice, tell him that you really care about him, and that you enjoy his company so much that you want to talk more, hear his voice on your voice-mail, see his writing-style in your email. Flater him, while tricking him into giving you what you want... it'll work, if he's anything like my man, or any of my (4)brothers, then it'll work.

 

And when we spoke again, and i asked him if it was just a physical thing, do you know what he told me? he said - babe, if i wanted a physical thing, I could get laid very easily.. its not what I want.. otherwise we wouldn't be having deep conversations! " Whats that about???

 

My BF told me almost the SAME exact thing. When we had our first meeting, my mom assumed he wanted to meet me only for sex. His responce, and mine, was that if he wanted sex he wouldn't spend almost 3000€ and travel 5000 miles, he'd go to the neighbor's instead. Take it as a compliment, he's telling you that he doesn't want only a physical thing, that he wants you, and only you! He's telling you, in "guyish" that he wants to be with you! That's a good thing, smile and just take it in

 

Do you think I should keep him or just move on...

Calm down, slow down.. I know...but we only have a few more weeks/months together before he leaves for his new job, if he goes. Shall I enjoy every bit of time with him for what we have now, rather than think in the future, and be realistic?

"I love every every inch of you".. he told me... sigh.

 

I say, keep him!! He sounds like he's already commited himself to you, even if you haven't actually agreed to being exclusive with each other. And...about the time you have left. Enjoy what you can, just go with what your heart tells you to. I've had many conversations with myself, about wether to listen to my head or my heart. In your situation, I think your head is telling you what is realistic - get out before you get hurt. And your heart is telling you what would be more fun - dive in head first!! Don't be afraid to get your feet wet!!

 

Good luck!

[catwalk5]

Hey Sweetie.. thanks for your post.. its really comforting.

 

Well guess what. We spoke on msn 2 days ago... and I basically told him I need to forget about him... and that him being away was good so I could have clarity of the situation. He said - he can see that, but I think he sounded sad (if that makes sense, how can you sound sad on MSN?? I think he said - gee thanks". Anyway, he always asks me why I like him, so I told him that the reason I liked him in the first place was cos we connectd. I knew where he was coming from, and cos we don't talk that much on msn anymore, I miss HIM> the him I got to know.. he didn't have much to say, and I haven't spoken to him, offline or online for 2 days. Is he backing off?? Maybe he's just a guy who is shy talking about feelings... like most guys right??

 

a little help here, guys... read my first post and see what you think!!!

[Sweetie2007]

Hey Sweetie.. thanks for your post.. its really comforting.

 

Well guess what. We spoke on msn 2 days ago... and I basically told him I need to forget about him... and that him being away was good so I could have clarity of the situation. He said - he can see that, but I think he sounded sad (if that makes sense, how can you sound sad on MSN?? I think he said - gee thanks". Anyway, he always asks me why I like him, so I told him that the reason I liked him in the first place was cos we connectd. I knew where he was coming from, and cos we don't talk that much on msn anymore, I miss HIM> the him I got to know.. he didn't have much to say, and I haven't spoken to him, offline or online for 2 days. Is he backing off?? Maybe he's just a guy who is shy talking about feelings... like most guys right??

 

a little help here, guys... read my first post and see what you think!!!

 

It's amazing, I think, how we can tell emotions even on MSN, without seeing the person, or them sending smilie faces. I think it has to do with knowing the person, how they talk when they're in different moods. I can always tell my boyfriend's mood, even if we're only chatting, no voice, video, or smilies. He can tell mine too... just weird.

 

If you told him that you don't want to be with him, then he probably isn't talking to you because he doesn't see the need to, it's over, and guys aren't much for sticking around as much, if there isn't a "reason" in their mind (just my experience!)

 

What you said about guys is right, they don't like talking about feelings, at all, mostly. I do know a few who do, my BF does with me, we're very open about that stuff....

 

good luck! I hope you at least get a friendship out of this...

[catwalk5]

Well, I must say that I misunderstood his lack of communication as he was avoiding me and the situation... he's away for work now, has been for a week, and hasn't really been in contact. Today though, he was on msn for a while and he initiated conversation first, saying that work was tough and it was really hard to get email and phone time... and I sensed he missed me, though he didn't say it. I miss him so much.. so I am now sending him nice emails telling him about my day, so when he does come online and check emails, he sees my messages and knows I miss him. I hope I get at least a friendship here too!

[whichwayisup]

Problem I think is, he may look at this as just an online thing. Online friends are much different than face to face friendships. You can talk to someone many times a day online and not feel invaded. It's at your own speed and comfort level...If he called you many times a day to talk, day after day after day, I think you'd be creeped out.