Is my boyfriend using cocaine?

[CaterpillarGirl]

Don't EVER give him money again! I can't believe you did that! Even if his life was in danger, he's the one that is doing this to himself. Thank God, you are okay and thank God you changed your locks. I was going to suggest that.

 

If he's real bad off, he's going to come knocking on your door with all sorts of lies. Don't listen to him.

 

Take pictures of every valuable in your house and buy a mini safe for your jewelry, cash, or small electronics. Addicts will break in to get this stuff.

 

Please don't take any more of his calls. Be strong and stay away from this guy! Stop trying to figure out what he's up to - MOVE ON!

[2sunny]

Don't EVER give him money again!

 

I agree with this advice.

If he's real bad off, he's going to come knocking on your door with all sorts of lies. Don't listen to him.

Very true.

 

Take pictures of every valuable in your house and buy a mini safe for your jewelry, cash, or small electronics. Addicts will break in to get this stuff.

 

He will break in - it's pretty much guaranteed.

 

Please don't take any more of his calls. Be strong and stay away from this guy! Stop trying to figure out what he's up to - MOVE ON!

 

 

All good advice - please listen - he will only continue to use you to support his habit - he doesn't care ONE HOOT about you as a person... only the thought of how he will get his next supply of drugs.

[sb129]

CW- sorry you had to learn this the hard way.

 

Stay strong, you ARE doing the right thing.

 

You will find someone who respects themselves, and can therefore respect you.

And the good news is that after all this, you will appreciate them so much!

 

Good luck mate.

[clearwater]

His roommate called me last night at 10:30 and left me a message saying that my ex had just arrived back home about 10 minutes earlier and that he was going upstairs to shower and go to bed. Said my ex wanted him to tell me that he would talk to me tomorrow (today now) and that he loves me a lot. Yeah, you love me enough to go home and let your roommate know you are okay but not enough to at least call me to tell me you are still freakin' alive. Niiiiiicccceeeee!!!

 

You really think I need to worry about him breaking into my apartment? I have a cat here who has cancer and is the love of my life. I don't know what I would do if she got out somehow or something happened to her. It would devastate me. She is on chemo and I would just die if she was hurt in any way. One thing good I can say about him is he came into her life and loved her unlike anyone ever has, except me of course. He has spoiled her rotten and just been incredible to her. I hope this wouldn't change if he broke in here. God, that thought sickens me!!! Would he take my computer and tv's and stuff? I don't really have anything to steal except that. Not really any expensive jewelry except a couple of rings. Also have a DVD player but that only costs $35.00. How do I protect my things and for how long? If he's been up for the last 3 days straight, I'm sure he'll be sleeping for the next two.

[clearwater]

I know I should not be wasting one more thought on this guy but I am. Last night I looked at all our pictures together and just cried and cried. I am so mad at him for coming into my life and making all these promises to me then just disgarding me like garbage. I have to say that I expected to at least hear from him by now. For what? I don't know....to say he's sorry, to tell me he will get my money to me, anything. I guess I just want him to acknowledge to me that he screwed me over. I want to hear that from his mouth.

 

His roommate called into work sick for him yesterday. Told them his cell phone had been stolen out of his truck last Friday. I guess those guys have his cell phone because he doesn't have it. I've called it several times and sometimes it's on but no one will answer it and sometimes it's turned off. He could at least go to a pay phone and call me. Maybe he's still sleeping off his crash or maybe he's remorseful now and is humiliated and embarrassed by what he did to me that he doesn't want to call. I don't know. You guys all say he'll contact me, but he hasn't so far. These guys trashed the inside of his truck....heck, maybe he did that himself who knows and they have his driver's license. If he's even able to go into work today I'm pretty sure they have now figured out what he's been up to and will make him take a drug test. This company has fired him before for drug use and hired him back.

 

He is out of my life. I'm SO ABSOLUTELY HEARTBROKEN. I know we only dated for 5 months but this guy was the love of my life. I've never had a connection with someone like this EVER. What is disgusting me more than anything now is I'm sure while he was high those 3 days he slept with all kinds of crack whores, probably had some master blasters and possibly even gave blow jobs to guys. I've had two people tell me this is what happens when guys are out using. They will do all of this just to get the crack. I almost threw up when I was told this. A week and a half ago when he was so horny he was doing things sexually that he never does so just by that behavior right there I'm almost 100% positive he would do anything during those 3 days. I remember asking him what had gotten into him and he told me "Oh, you'd be surprised what all I would do".......now that comment haunts me because if you're that way with me, then Lord only knows what he did over the weekend. The thought of him being with someone else sexually is more than I can bare. He was the most incredible lover I've ever had and I never even enjoyed sex until I met him and to think that he's probably shared that with anyone and everyone just sickens me. I'm beginning to wonder if a couple of weekends ago when he shut his phone off and couldn't be contacted if he was smoking crack and being with crack whores then too. I'm feeling the need to get tested for STD's I think. I remember him telling me a couple of weeks ago out of the blue that if I ever gave him a disease he would kill me. I asked him why on earth he would even say that because he knew I was faithful to him and would never cheat on him. Such an odd statement to make at the time.

 

I just want my money back and he gets paid this Friday. If I get the opportunity to talk to him by then I'm going to tell him that if he doesn't get my money to me that I will follow through on the charges from last Sunday night when he pushed me and have him arrested. He again asked him roommate last night to please take his drug dealers $200.00. His roommate said no. My ex then told him they have his driver's license so they know where he lives so his roommate packed his stuff up and left for the night and maybe even a few days. He said he doesn't want to be there if those guys DO come looking for him. He told the roommate these guys were the mexican cartel. It could all be a lie, who knows. But he told his roommate last night that if anyone called for him on his roommates cell phone not to bring him the phone because he was going to bed. It was 7:00 pm. Now, if you are truly worried some guys are coming looking for you, are you REALLY going to go to sleep? Come on!!!

[Ladywithafan]

I guess I'm trying, to show you that this kind of relationship doesn't work....I am currently ending my eight year one...and being the enabler...it's not been easy...my bf didn't come home Sunday night, after he left at one in the morning...never called, I finally turned his phone off (in my name as he has no credit...), didn't come home till 7 p.m. last night claiming to have worked...at the house of a girl he gave my clothes away to with the price tags still on...now I am totally screwed up in the head over him, but I can not tolerate the disrespect for my personal things again...he's sold my SUV's, big screen tv's, clothes, oh you name it...I've experienced it and will not go through it again...so..when I see the timeline resurfacing now, I know what I need to do...and hear me well:

 

The timeline is this.....1-3 months, your addict is totally head over heels infatuated with you because from the relationship he just got out of...which was probably ended in a battle due to his using up his last loves time, energy & cash....he can't believe how easy it is for someone to fall for him (but you have no background yet...so ...you trust...

 

3-6 months, he disappears for hours here & there but still manages to bed adorable yet needs to borrow money here & there...

 

6 months to one year....he will quit his job or f*ck it up so he gets fired....and now he really does have an excuse to "borrow" money.

 

One year to Two years....you will learn all about what we call "the game", crack whores, hotels, crack car rentals, evictions, raids, pharaphenalia, rocks, cookies, flags, scores, missions, missing ATM cards, missing credit cards, missing electronics, purses, money, valuable objects mysteriously missing, boyfriend missing for hours with your vehicle, your vehicle missing, your jewelry missing, falling asleep yourself (drugged)....finally, there will be fighting, physical & mental abuse and if you're normal, you will end up at the end of your rope most likely screaming at your loved one (in your fantasy he is still sane...but in reality, he has no dopamine left & he is chemically imbalanced to the point that he believes his lies but makes you out to be nuts when you're adding one and one & not getting two) with a frying pan in your hand about to hit him over the head while screaming, "I have nothing left to lose!!!" while cornering him...he will be cowering at this point & within days, most likely arrested for possession of drugs because when he finally comes down for a minute, he's so devistated at his actions his only recourse is to get as high as possible any way possible.

 

 

That...is the timeline...

[clearwater]

Wow Ladywithafan............I identify with what you said. He pursued me hot and heavy in the beginning, tell me how he has never felt this way in his life about anyone. Asked me to marry him after a month and a half. Moved in with me at 3 months although he still kept his townhome too as he had a roommate living there. It's his best friend and also a recovering addict although he is very clean. He would buy me flowers every week, tell me how he needs to do something nice for me evey week like this because he wanted me to know how much he loved me and how grateful he was to God that he brought us together.

 

Then the mood swings began getting worse and worse. He has never asked me for a penny and had even paid half of the rent and utilities so he was very responsible like that. Always gave me money to go to the grocery store because he didn't want me to have to use my own money. maybe this is all part of their game. His last relationship before me was with another recovering addict. They go to the same CA meeting and his sponsor had introduced them. He told me she came to him one evening and told him he wasn't putting enough into the relationship and he told he she was right he wasn't. He thought about it a couple of days then told her he just didn't want to do what it took to be in a relationship so they parted ways.

 

He said when he met me he wanted to go above and beyond whatever he had to do in order to be with me. Said I am the one he is supposed to be with so this is why he WANTS to do all these things for me.

 

Now here we are at five months and for the last 2 his moods have changed drastically, the money being missing, the verbal abuse and now last weekend the 3 day crack binge.

 

HOWEVER....... I am totally through with this guy. You guys have scared me enough and shown me how my life will be if I try to stay with him. He obviously doesn't want that because he has yet to contact me. He asked his roommate and sponsor again last night to please go pay his dealer and they said no so he had no use for them after that. I'm still a little surprised that he hasn't called me to go do it since he had no problem calling me Sunday morning.

 

Ladywithafan, I would love to talk to you over the phone some evening if you would be willing. If so, email me at: txct20032003 at yahoo.

[sb129]

Ladywithafan-

I am so sorry to hear about your situation all the best for you I hope it works out.

 

And Clearwater, yes it hurts. Yes you are heartbroken. This is all normal feelings, and its going to take time for them to go away.

 

But I am so glad you are seeing things clearly after such a short time.

You will meet another guy one day.

 

You will be a stronger person after this.

xx

[clearwater]

sb129.........I sure hope you are right. Right now I am going through........well..........I don't know what it is. One hour I'm mad as hell and never want to have another thought of him again and then the next hour my heart is so heavy that it feels like it has sunk into my stomach. It's like out of nowhere someone kicks you in the gut and you are doubled over with the most gutwrenching pain you've ever experienced. Why do I just wish he would call?????????? I read so many posts where the CH's call and call and call. Why won't mine?

[sb129]

CH?

 

You are going thru the natural grieving process that accompanies the end of a relationship mate.

 

It WILL get better. You just need to resist the urge to contact him, and if I were you I would ignore any attempts he makes at contacting you.

He will try to crumble your resolve, and you don't need that.

Keep going to your meetings, surround yourself with friends, and don'tbe afraid to cry.

 

Its tough! I have been there.... and I am OK... it hurts, but it does get better I promise.

[clearwater]

That's what I do. I go home and cry and cry and cry. I can't even make myself do the normal things like go to the grocery store or clean. It's all I can do to get out of bed in the mornings and go to work and then the whole time there I'm so focused on him and what he's doing that I'm driving myself crazy. Now that he doesn't have a phone and I have no way of even talking to him, that just makes it worse. I want to talk to him to get my money back, that's all I care about.

[clearwater]

Well guys...I broke down last night and went to his house. I didn't plan it, I just got in my car and was on automatic going there. I wanted to see if he was okay. When I got there he let me in and gave me a big long hug, one of those that he didn't want to let go. We sat down and I asked him how he felt and he said really rough. Said he never wants to do it again. Said Sunday night when he came home he was in psychosis and was hearing people running all around his house so he was running around his house with a knife. Geez!!! Glad he didn't mistake his roommate for one of those imaginary guys.

 

I don't know what I was expecting from him. An apology I guess. He said he loved me and realized over the weekend what a good woman I was. I asked him how many crack whores he was with and he told me none (of course). Told me when he does crack he can't do anything sexually, he just stays holed up in motel rooms by himself and only lets his dealer in. I ask him if he went to crack houses and he said no, just rooms. I guess he meant hotel rooms. Then he asked me what I had done while we've been apart and I told him nothing, which is the truth.

 

I told him that I know he was doing cocaine for a while now and he denied that. Said he hasn't done anything until last Friday. I don't believe him. I asked him then if he wasn't then where was all his money going and he told me everything isn't about money. Avoiding answering the question. I asked him if he was going to give me my money this Friday and he told me I was all about the money and got mad at me. Told me he paid half of the rent on March 1st which was more than that and now he's not living there. Said that money should cover it. Told him that was his problem, not mine. He was trying to put it back on me so I put it back on him and told him that I would leave it up to him to decide what the right thing to do is. I guess he is going to his dealers Friday when he gets paid to give them the $200.00 he owes them. I asked him what is to stop him from using again Friday when he sees them. He'll already be there, it will be so easy to just get more. He said because he doesn't WANT to do any.

 

His mom said that when he goes on a binge like this, with the withdrawal he usually feels so bad afterward that he doesn't do it again for a long time. I told him I that he was lying to me when he told me he'd be killed if I didn't bring him the money. He said it wasn't a lie. Asked him how if it was true he could put my life on the line for his and he said I did think about your life that's why I told you to leave immediately.

 

I think I was hoping that he would just come clean about everything. Figured he would be so down now about it all that he would say that yes he's been using some kind of drug for a while because of his behavior and that also yes that's where the money was going. It's like he's still in denial. Why is this? Do they feel so bad for what they've done that they just can't admit it even when confronted with it?

 

He looked like such a broken man. I have to say it was really, really sad. You could tell the remorse and guilt and shame were heavy on him. He had a hard time looking at me at times and said I don't even know how hard it is to know he's let his family and friends down and the people that are supposed to be helping him. I asked him what it was that triggered this and he said it had been building for a month or two. I asked him why he didn't at that time go to his sponsor or other men in his meeting for help. Why let it get to the point that it did. He didn't answer. He said he shut everyone out this last month.

 

Then he told me that he probably needs to accept that he won't be able to not use again. Said it was 3 years then 2 years apart and now a year and a half. He asked me if this was the type of man I wanted to be with and I said no. He told me that this is who he is. It's like he was just giving in to defeat. Said he was tired of jumping through hoops for me and his mom and everybody to always be proving something. Said he is not going to do that anymore. I'm not exactly sure what he was talking about here though and he didn't elaborate. Told me I might be better off without him in my life and I told him that yes I might.

 

We talked a little more, got irritated with each other some. The normal. He said he loves me and wants to be with me and knows I am the woman for him. Told him I felt he was the man for me but not doing drugs. I told him I didn't know what would happen with us but I wasn't sure if either of us would be able to stay together with the new boundaries and rules we would be asking the other to live by if we tried again. He agreed. I know he still doesn't want me in his bank accounts seeing what he is doing. He told me that last night. We aren't married so in all fairness I don't have a right to do that but I also won't be able to monitor where his money is going and that bothers me.

 

He told me he would bring me my money this Friday evening and we could talk. Said we didn't have to figure everything out last night as his mind was still in a fog and it would be a couple of days before his head was right again. He called me here at work about 2 hours ago and asked how I was doing. Toldd him fine and he said he was having a rough day. Working after all of that was really hard on him and that hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. The short conversation was a little awkward. Definately not our gooey selves to each other........I could tell he didn't know what to say but told me several times that he loved me. I could tell he was struggling.

 

I haven't been putting God first in quite a while but this morning I woke up at 4:00 am and just got on my knees and prayed. I prayed that God would take this disease from him that has robbed him of so much. I also told God I was going to turn all of this over to him and let his Will be done, whatever that is. I'm through fighting it and trying to control the situation. Told God that if he wants me in my ex's life then to let me know but if not that I will accept that too.

 

I wonder what happens to your mind and body after you've been off this a couple of days like he has. Does it take days or weeks to get yourself back to normal?

[Art_Critic]

You need to be going to your meetings instead of playing this game of roulette with your life..

 

Do you realize you are just one step from ruining your life with this man ?

 

Get yourself into a meeting and stop..stop contacting him and end this before you hit the slippery slope that you will not recover from.

[Ladywithafan]

Update: He called into sick work on Friday and has had his phone off since then. He called me at 5:45 this morning and told me he was in trouble. Said I needed to go to the bank and bring him $350.00 and bring it to him. Said he was in with the same guys who used to get drugs from and they were going to kill him by 6:15 this morning if he didn't have the money to them. Said they had his truck and his phone and wouldn't give any of it back until he paid them. Told me where to bring the money to, a Shell gas station way up north side of town (Houston) and to not come over to him. Well, I got $400.00 out of the bank because I could only get it out in $100.00 increments. I went to meet him and he was the only person there. No other cars or people although I think the station must have been open because the lights were all on. So I drive over to him and he told me I wasn't supposed to do that. His eyes were all red and he had huge bags under them that were red too and he was looking around everywhere. I gave him the money and he told me drive away immediately and not to let anyone follow me and if anyone did follow me to pay attention to what they drove. I asked him as soon as he got his truck and phone back to come to my place and he said he would. This has been almost 6 hours ago and I haven't heard a thing from him. When I pulled away I saw him walking to the street but have no idea where he was going.

 

I called his roommate and sponsor on the way to meet him and they both told me not to go as it could be too dangerous for me and they might get me and take me to an ATM to get out more money. But I had to go because I didn't want anyone to kill him. Now, I don't know if that was even a true story or not. Maybe he was just telling me they were going to kill him so I would bring him the money so he could use it to get high. If the story was true, I'm thinking he would have gotten his truck back and gotten the heck out of there but since I haven't heard from him I'm wondering if anyone was really after him. He also said he had been in the back of a van for the last two days. Don't know if this is true either. I remember him telling me this type of thing happened to him before that these guys would kidnap him and keep his vehicle until he paid them more money. This means he has gone through almost $800.00 or a little more since Monday. This was before I gave him the $400.00 today.

 

Should I first of all believe the story he gave me and should I be concerned for my own safety at this point? When I talked to his roommate he told me that he is most likely smoking crack which is what he did before and was only snorting it when he was at my place but since he's been with these people for the last couple of days he's most likely smoking it. Said he was going to load up all his valuables at their place and take them to their sponsors house because he might come there looking for items to pawn to get more money for the drugs. He and his sponsor both told me DO NOT let him into my apartment if he comes over. Said he could become enraged on the drug and he's not the same person I met 5 months ago and he could take any of my stuff to sell and it's not safe for me to be with him right now.

 

I have a hard time believing anyone could keep this guy against his will as he's HUGE. He's 6'4" tall and weighs 300 pounds. Looks just like Stone Cold Steve Austin and is all the time having people come up to him and asking him if that's who he is. Can't imagine that he would be afraif of anyone. Could I be wrong? He seemed desperate but this could be the drug I don't know, especially since what I've read is that you feel invincible on this stuff. I can't imagine anyone keeping him against his will without him taking 5 guys out with him. Just doesn't seem likely. I also am now wondering if coke dealers would really kill someone over $350.00. Wouldn't it be thousands of dollars before they would threaten something like this?

 

 

ARE YOU KIDDING????? lol....the "They're going to kill me if I don't pay them....insert any amount in blank.......Mine told me that story oh, about the year mark.....stupid me, who dabbled..here & there...had to pay $1,500....I didn't want them going after my children.....I should have said, ok, if they're going to kill you, then I won't be seeing my hard earned cash go up in smoke.

 

Enraged? A crack addict on the edge will not take no for an answer....they will become violent and think nothing of physical violence towards the person who has the ATM card.....been there, done that...in fact, went through it last night....not taking no for an answer...but that's for another thread in a little minute.

 

Looks like you are in the 100's, get out now....He'll only want more in a couple of hours....depends on who he's feeding dope to...

[sb129]

CLEARWATER.

 

DO

NOT

CONTACT

HIM

AGAIN

 

 

He is sucking you in again. He is going thru the remorse phase of the cycle. He is apologising and saying all the right things to get you back onside.

 

HE IS NOT THE MAN FOR YOU. AT ALL.

 

Personally I would write the money off, and WIPE this man OUT of my life.

Its a small price to pay for not making a HUGE mistake by being with him.

 

We have tried to warn you.

Its up to you, but you will only end up getting hurt again.

[clearwater]

Yes, you guys are right. I have done nothing today but read about how sex and crack are entertwined and am now convinced he had sex with men and women both. I'm trying to believe what I WANT to believe and that's him........instead of listening to what almost everyone says about the sex with this stuff. It goes hand in hand. He called me three times today but I was distant. I'm so utterly disgusted by the thought of him now. He gets a new cell phone tomorrow and I will wait for him to call my cell phone so I can have his new number and then I'll know not to answer his calls if he does ever call again. I am going to tell him not to worry about the $400.00. That he was right last night when he told me this is who he is and I should walk away because I don't want someone like him in my life. I am going to take him up on that. I have to. I just CANNOT lower myself to be with someone like this no matter how much it hurts. The sex that was so special between us he is obviously sharing with others and that's unacceptable. I will find someone who will want what I have to offer and I will pay attention to all the red flags from now on instead of making excuses for them. Oh, to go back in time and redo things. If only we could. It will still be hard tomorrow when I know I'll be having my last conversation with him when I tell him I have to move on and that I will never believe he wasn't participating in deviant sex. I love him.......it's hard. I will cry and cry tomorrow night and mourn my loss of a love. Why is it that doing the right thing sometimes is the most painful.

[sb129]

Oh for pitys sake stop worrying about the sex! Youare getting fixated on the "possibility", but you should be focusing on what actually did happen!

I don't think he did have sex with anyone persoanlly, but he still betrayed you and himself by going on a bender.

So what??? You can have great sex with thousands of people, but not necessarily love, trust and mutual respect.

 

He abused your trust and respect too.

 

 

Get him out of your life.

[clearwater]

Well I emailed him to tell him that he still had a couple of things at my place and if he wanted them. He just called me and told me we will exchange things in the near future but not tonight. I asked him how he was doing and he told me I didn't have the right to ask him any questions anymore and he was done, done, done with me then hung up on me. Told me to go my way and he is going his. The coldness of his voice sent chills up my spine. Ugh!

[Art_Critic]

Why will you not just leave him alone ?

 

Why keep contacting him ?

 

You need to cut off ALL contact and go no contact.. otherwise you are going to keep spinning in his drama.

 

Screw exchanging things.. it is just stuff... If it is that important it can be exchange in the future.. down the road.. later.. after you are healed ..

Stuff can be replaced...

[clearwater]

That's a good question..........why can't I just leave him alone?As horrible as a person as I now think he is.......when you've loved someone, letting go is hard, no matter what.

 

You're right though, stuff is just stuff. Things are too emotional right now and I'm too vulnerable right now. Maybe it is best to do that down the road at some point after some time has gone by.

 

This is my first time going through this kind of thing so I'm not exactly going to do it right. When you have feelings and emotions involved, sometimes your heart wins over your head when you're not supposed to contact them.

[Art_Critic]

This is my first time going through this kind of thing so I'm not exactly going to do it right. When you have feelings and emotions involved, sometimes your heart wins over your head when you're not supposed to contact them.

 

I know exactly how you feel...I'm not judging you as I have been and done similar things or even worse things than you are doing to keep the hurt alive.

 

Keep your head about you... you are right he isn't worth it.. they never are.. drugs or not..

by the way.. you will get thru this.. all it takes is time

[clearwater]

I think what's hard for me also is it's hard to look at myself and take MY responsibility in this. It's hard to man-up and say that I made a bad choice in someone to date. Seems I've made nothing but bad choices and it's getting a little embarrassing so I'm sure part of me wanting to hang on is that I don't want another failed relationship. But like someone said yesterday, I need to look at the situation he has brought into my life and worry about what disease he could give me to affect the rest of my life.

 

I guess I'm wanting to remain the victim here.....HE'S done this to me, blah, blah, blah.............and he has......BUT........I can sit here and continue to feel sorry for myself about the failed relationship or I can admit defeat, brush the dust off and accept my mistake and know it's not the end of the world, I'm human and I made a mistake in dating him. Wow, that's pretty impowering for me. I'm asking him to take responsibility for his actions yet not doing the same. Boy, wake up call

[Guest-TriniPrincess]

CW i must tell you i have been reading a couple of the posts here because i myself have just encountered this problem with my bf. I can understand what he means to you and why you are finding it so hard to seek your own advice and leave...but CW i have been with my bf for 4 years now happy as ever. For the last 6 months things have been really rough with constant arguments and I would always wonder what it was.

 

Last night he called me up and told me he has a problem with cocaine and he desperately wants to stop to save our relationship. He said he has been using it on a daily basis for the last 4 months now. Please re-read that, my bf has only been using it for 4 months daily and he can already admit that he has a problem. Now i am determined to be there for my bf till the end and I know you are feeling this as well however you have only been with this guy for 5 months, he's already abused you, emotionally and physically and will not admit to anything.

 

There's already trust issues and heartbreak and that is not a sound ground for future development in the relationship. This guy knows there is a problem but is to caught up doing coke that he can't fix it. You deserve so much better than that even I know I deserve better as well, but the difference is we have been together for 4 years he's only started doing it daily and already admitted it.

 

The only advice you will take is your own, but please think about this, if it was your sister or your best friend is this position what advice would you give them? I know that women have amazing advice for one another but we just don't take our own sometimes and guess what no one can ever give you better advice than yourself, so clear your mind and think of it as your sister in this position and the advice you would give her is the advice you must take yourself no matter how painful it may.

 

I know you want to be his savior but re-read your post you can't save someone like that no matter how hard you try. They must seek the help on their own to get pass this phase of their life. Maybe you should just take some time and think of your life individually. I know you said you feel lonely but you know what you were fine b4 him and you will be without him as well. Good luck!

[Ladywithafan]

CW i must tell you i have been reading a couple of the posts here because i myself have just encountered this problem with my bf. I can understand what he means to you and why you are finding it so hard to seek your own advice and leave...but CW i have been with my bf for 4 years now happy as ever. For the last 6 months things have been really rough with constant arguments and I would always wonder what it was.

 

Last night he called me up and told me he has a problem with cocaine and he desperately wants to stop to save our relationship. He said he has been using it on a daily basis for the last 4 months now. Please re-read that, my bf has only been using it for 4 months daily and he can already admit that he has a problem. Now i am determined to be there for my bf till the end and I know you are feeling this as well however you have only been with this guy for 5 months, he's already abused you, emotionally and physically and will not admit to anything.

 

There's already trust issues and heartbreak and that is not a sound ground for future development in the relationship. This guy knows there is a problem but is to caught up doing coke that he can't fix it. You deserve so much better than that even I know I deserve better as well, but the difference is we have been together for 4 years he's only started doing it daily and already admitted it.

 

The only advice you will take is your own, but please think about this, if it was your sister or your best friend is this position what advice would you give them? I know that women have amazing advice for one another but we just don't take our own sometimes and guess what no one can ever give you better advice than yourself, so clear your mind and think of it as your sister in this position and the advice you would give her is the advice you must take yourself no matter how painful it may.

 

I know you want to be his savior but re-read your post you can't save someone like that no matter how hard you try. They must seek the help on their own to get pass this phase of their life. Maybe you should just take some time and think of your life individually. I know you said you feel lonely but you know what you were fine b4 him and you will be without him as well. Good luck!

 

ahem....there are these problems everywhere....please read your own post...no one can save a drug addict but themself....

 

I have stood by my problem for 8 years....and it hasn't changed, only I have....let them go...heed the advice of others before you

[LoveLace]

I know several cocaine users. The $100 he keeps withdrawing was the 1st sign that jumped out for me, cuz I happen to know a dealer who sells a gram of coke for exactly $100.00.

 

Laying around all day, depressed, moody, paranoid/possessive, nasal spray, (by the way he turns on the faucet so that you can't hear him snorting)..if it isn't coke it's crack...but I'm sure it's coke...all these signs spell it out pretty loudly, "COCAINE ADDICTION"...

 

It sounds like a pretty severe addiction too...he keeps trying to come back and win you over because once his irritable mood is over, he realizes he was mean to you, etc, and that your all he's got, etc...the best possible thing you can do for him is cut yourself out of his life completely, like others have already said here.