Out of Sight Out of Mind OR Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?

[Starlight Starbright]

Hi all,

 

 

So I was just wondering. When my ex-boyfriend broke up with me, he said he still loved me/was in love with me. Since the break up he has said the following: that he wouldn't be able to handle seeing me right now (its too soon), he has been sad because he misses me a lot, and he would not be ok if he found out I already had a new boyfriend. He pretty much broke up with me b/c he wants to be single and felt smothered by our relationship. At one point he stated that he has no intentions of getting back together with me right now, but he has also stated that he hasn't ruled out a possiblity of us being together in the future, it just wouldn't be any time soon. He is going back to school in the fall for a 2nd bachelor's and then eventually wants to go to law school. So even though he is 27, his prioritiy right now is school and not a relationship.

 

So here is my question. He basically thinks that as long as we keep our distance for a while, then eventually it will get better. He is pretty sure that he will get over it and stop missing me so much as time goes by.

 

So here is my poll, I'm ESPECIALLY curious to hear what former dumpers think about the people they dumped:

 

In a situation where 2 people split and the dumper still has feelings for the dumpee:

 

 

Do you believe in "out of sight out of mind" like my ex-boyfriend does?

 

OR

 

do you think that "absence makes the heart grow fonder?"

[dropdeadlegs]

As a dumper, I think more along the lines of "good riddance." I don't dump and then take back people. When I break up I am done.

 

As the dumpee I have often been asked back and have done so twice. I guess I would say that the ratio is about 50/50 in being asked back or not. I can't really say what they were feeling, but I would guess that the ones that wanted me back must have felt some fondness.

[Jinxx]

Wel ****! Something happened to my original reply!

 

Anyway, I dumped my husband of ten years. Do I have regrets? Yes, sometimes. We had a huge emotional connection but could careless about the phsysical one. We had other major issues as well - massive ones that I don't know if can be fixed. Who knows what will eventually happen. On the one hand, I am craving my former lifestyle. On the other, maybe there is something better for both of us. Who knows -- time will tell. But one thing for sure as the dumper -- it is hard, extremely hard.

[thecount]

As the bumper I never went back. I don't love you anymore. Done.

 

as the bumpee, I went back to the same girl 3 or 4 times. I don't know why. I guess I wasn't done being dumped enough. lol -- This time around I dumped her. First time ever I dumped someone I still loved. I don't like this feeling. It sucks!

[LN99]

Being the dumper a few times, I haven't really had regrets. There was a reason behind it. So usually, its out of sight, out of mind.

 

There are a few rare instances where I did have second thoughts about my decision or circumstances changed. But, by then we both had moved on to different places in our lives.

 

As dumpee, well that was a bit harder to get over. But, I did.

[finalcloud13]

By agreeing to your ex, you are giving him assurance that he can fall back onto you if he fails to find someone he likes. You'll more likely arouse interest in your ex by not agreeing to his wants. Tell him that's silly and that if he doesn't want you now, then that's it for him.

[LN99]

By agreeing to your ex, you are giving him assurance that he can fall back onto you if he fails to find someone he likes. You'll more likely arouse interest in your ex by not agreeing to his wants. Tell him that's silly and that if he doesn't want you now, then that's it for him.

 

 

That is so true! I have an ex who didn't talk to me for the longest time. Then he started emailing me etc. I kinda ignored it or would keep things vague. This made him start to pursue me even more! (He was the one to push me away to begin with!) The more I pushed him away, the more he pursued. So finally Im like ok maybe we can get back together if you move back here. Now, Its been a week or so since I've heard from him. Its like now that he has my interest again, there is no challenge or something. (Before he wouldn't leave me alone!) I seriously think some people just like the chase.