IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 Networking man, Riddle me this. What can become of this? What scenarios do you see possible, a s hort affair, long term affair, both leaving your spouses to find eternal bliss? If you were making an investment, you would consider what you have to gain or gamble. You need to consider every possible outcome the way you would in a ny other area of your life and make your decision based on that. You don't make business decisions in which you ignore logic and do what FEELS good. This fairytale fantasy is nothing more than a nightmare in disguise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author networkingman Posted March 11, 2007 Author Share Posted March 11, 2007 Then what are you going to do? If you do nothing, then chances are you'll end up in that affair. Some sort of action MUST take place to change things, either at home or at work. You talk to your boss, tell him everything NOW and see what he can do to help you out. The boss is my client, and he wouldn't want to deal with this situation. Besides, how do I know that this co-worker is even interested anyway. I just need to control my feelings and when the project is over, just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 I agree. It's all fantasy and fun. You two have bonded, you spend alot of time together, gotten to know eachother - Which is all reality is quite dangerous for people who are already married, it's a receipe for disaster. You really don't know this woman, other than what she shows you. Ofcourse both of you are focussed on the good stuff and all the feelings laid out there infront of you - BUT THAT IS ALL IT IS. Feelings....SO what. You're not going to die if you don't have her. She isn't going to off herself if you stop working with her and tell her NO if she wants something to happen between you two. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 The boss is my client, and he wouldn't want to deal with this situation. Besides, how do I know that this co-worker is even interested anyway. I just need to control my feelings and when the project is over, just move on. What does this all mean then? Dear God, all this caused was her latching on more it seems. She made it crystal clear that I am not walking away from this project. She was less "business" after this discussion, so....*sigh* What happened? Because to me, this screams out that 'something' inappropriate happened. A conversation or something. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 Jesus man, Besides, how do I know that this co-worker is even interested anyway Uhhhh... because she is screaming it loud and clear. She is looking to you to help her endure her miserable marriage. You not only have your own feelings to deal with, but she is actively trying to suck you in. I said this before and I'll say it again... for every minute that you spend even considering this you will begin to find more and more fault with your wife. YOU ARE SETTING HER UP TO FAIL!!! Then you get to blame her! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114380/ Freaky or what. Link to post Share on other sites
Author networkingman Posted March 11, 2007 Author Share Posted March 11, 2007 What does this all mean then? What happened? Because to me, this screams out that 'something' inappropriate happened. A conversation or something. No, nothing at all inappropriate happened. We had lunch and tried to finish up loose ends on the project. She was adamant about us going to lunch. My previous "client" post means that if i mentioned anything about this, since he's a client, there's not going through HR, etc as I am contracted with the company to be there. It's easy to terminate my services there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author networkingman Posted March 11, 2007 Author Share Posted March 11, 2007 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114380/ Freaky or what. :laugh: No, not me and not her. I don't take the "underground" either as I don't live in London! Freaky, definitely. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 She was adamant about us going to lunch. Start packing your own lunches and SAY NO to going to lunch with her. I'm telling you, if you continue to spend unnecessary time with her, lunches and coffee breaks, etc...UNrelated to business, you're opening the door abit wider each day. My previous "client" post means that if i mentioned anything about this, since he's a client, there's not going through HR, etc as I am contracted with the company to be there. It's easy to terminate my services there. Then as soon as this project is finished, never work closely with her again. NO MATTER WHAT. Your marriage will suffer if you don't. I hope you're reading and taking in what I am saying and what IWWH's words too. Just would hate 6 months from now to see you posting "I wish I had walked away while I had the chance, but now my wife is gone because I cheated on her. I lost everything......" Link to post Share on other sites
Author networkingman Posted March 11, 2007 Author Share Posted March 11, 2007 Jesus man, Besides, how do I know that this co-worker is even interested anyway Uhhhh... because she is screaming it loud and clear. She is looking to you to help her endure her miserable marriage. You not only have your own feelings to deal with, but she is actively trying to suck you in. I said this before and I'll say it again... for every minute that you spend even considering this you will begin to find more and more fault with your wife. YOU ARE SETTING HER UP TO FAIL!!! Then you get to blame her! Well, I don't think she is screaming it loud and clear. I don't get that she has a miserable marriage either, just refers to her husband as just her husband sure, but I don't think she's miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 She says she's in New York. Maybe she just used that wording...........Look at the location she's put in. ... Never know. Oh and check out this thread. Maybe it can help you as well. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t107041/ Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 Well, I don't think she is screaming it loud and clear. I don't get that she has a miserable marriage either, just refers to her husband as just her husband sure, but I don't think she's miserable. You don't have to have a miserable marriage to cheat on your spouse. I mean, your marriage is pretty good, yes? But, if your co-worker looked deeply into your eyes, told her how much she was turned on by you, leaned over and kissed you - WHAT would you do? And please, be honest. Would you push her off you RIGHT away and tell her how inappropriate that was, and walk out of the room, or would you lean in, kiss her back and let whatever happen, happen.......Again, please be honest with yourself. Open your eyes, don't play dumb. This woman KNOWS and FEELS what you're feeling. Everything you've said about her and how she reacts around you SCREAMS that she's feeling 'it.' Now, hopefully she's not going to talk about it or react upon her feelings either. DO NOT CROSS THAT LINE. Link to post Share on other sites
Author networkingman Posted March 11, 2007 Author Share Posted March 11, 2007 But, if your co-worker looked deeply into your eyes, told her how much she was turned on by you, leaned over and kissed you - WHAT would you do? And please, be honest. Would you push her off you RIGHT away and tell her how inappropriate that was, and walk out of the room, or would you lean in, kiss her back and let whatever happen, happen.......Again, please be honest with yourself. Honestly, I would be shocked as I haven't been kissed by another woman in over 11 years. I think the shock value would cause me to run the other way. But you're right, if we were in another city, a few drinks, low light, etc...Dear God I hope the right 'head' would take over. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 Yes, but in this situation, you've got feelings involved. That kind of changes things as this co-worker isn't just any other woman. I hope the "right" head thinks before it does........... Link to post Share on other sites
Author networkingman Posted March 12, 2007 Author Share Posted March 12, 2007 Yes, but in this situation, you've got feelings involved. That kind of changes things as this co-worker isn't just any other woman. I hope the "right" head thinks before it does........... I know, I know...I would hope my better judgment would take over. Sadly, you are correct, she's not just any other woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author networkingman Posted March 12, 2007 Author Share Posted March 12, 2007 So she comes into work wearing her wedding ring. I've never seen it on her hand before! So we went out to lunch again and talked about other things outside of work. What do you make of her wearing her ring today? Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 I know, I know...I would hope my better judgment would take over. Sadly, you are correct, she's not just any other woman. Unfortunately, once the clouds clear, you will find that she IS just any other woman. Your better judgement is not kicking in. The key is to make a decision not to put yourself in the situation at all - your better judgement is not kicking in now, what makes you believe it's going to come through for you when the ante is upped? Dude, you are on the slippery slope. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 So she comes into work wearing her wedding ring. I've never seen it on her hand before! So we went out to lunch again and talked about other things outside of work. What do you make of her wearing her ring today? You're not even trying to stop thinking about her. You're acting more amused by the fact she wore her wedding ring. AND you went out to lunch with her. AND you talked about other things outside of work. I can't help you if you aren't going to help yourself! It seems you're enjoying her again, and not thinking "geez, this behaviour isn't appropriate due to the fact I have feelings for her." Man, you should be AVOIDING HER. Stop going out for lunch with her. STOP talkin personal stuff if it isn't work related... Link to post Share on other sites
Author networkingman Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 You're not even trying to stop thinking about her. You're acting more amused by the fact she wore her wedding ring. AND you went out to lunch with her. AND you talked about other things outside of work. I can't help you if you aren't going to help yourself! It seems you're enjoying her again, and not thinking "geez, this behaviour isn't appropriate due to the fact I have feelings for her." Man, you should be AVOIDING HER. Stop going out for lunch with her. STOP talkin personal stuff if it isn't work related... You know, the funny thing about this, is I had my mind made up this morning to basically avoid her the best that I can. She even came over to my office and I kept it business-like. I was aloof, and answered "yes" or "no" and even avoided the, "How was your weekend" question. We had to discuss a big issue about our projects and I was back where I started. I just can't figure out what this is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author networkingman Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 Dude, you are on the slippery slope. I know, I am trying to grab on to anything to stop falling down the hill. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 You know, the funny thing about this, is I had my mind made up this morning to basically avoid her the best that I can. She even came over to my office and I kept it business-like. I was aloof, and answered "yes" or "no" and even avoided the, "How was your weekend" question. We had to discuss a big issue about our projects and I was back where I started. I just can't figure out what this is. You let your feelings get in the way, and the choice you made by going out to lunch with her, talking etc., was because you didn't fight the feelings. Stay strong. For the little while you feel good around her, talking to her, remind yourself that is love and care STOLEN from your wife. When you think of it in those terms, maybe, just maybe, you'll stop yourself. Think of the pain you'll be inflicting on your wife - Because the more you are with this co-worker, the closer you are to possibly having something happen between you two. Link to post Share on other sites
Author networkingman Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 You let your feelings get in the way, and the choice you made by going out to lunch with her, talking etc., was because you didn't fight the feelings. Stay strong. For the little while you feel good around her, talking to her, remind yourself that is love and care STOLEN from your wife. When you think of it in those terms, maybe, just maybe, you'll stop yourself. Think of the pain you'll be inflicting on your wife - Because the more you are with this co-worker, the closer you are to possibly having something happen between you two. Well, we did talk a fair amount about our SO's, which helped me a lot. I don't know if she was fishing, but it helped me to keep myself in check. Of course, again, I don't know why I even care. This is without a doubt one of the strangest things that have ever happened to me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 LOL you can't see what's going on! By opening the door, talking about your spouses, SHE is doing this and in her mind she's comparing you to her H. Trust me, in afew weeks she'll talk to you about a "problem" they're having, or she'll call you 'stressed' out about something relating to her marriage, she'll want your "thoughts" on it. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. Why you even care? CUZ you have feelings for her! The more personal talk you have with her, the more you'll care, then the more you care, the more feelings you'll have. Go read some threads in the OW/OM section. Then read some threads in the infidelity section, read about betrayed spouses and their pain after finding out about their cheating spouse. It isn't pretty. The choice is yours, just keep that in your mind when you're around this coworker. Don't make a huge mistake that could ruin your life as you know it. Stop playing with fire. Link to post Share on other sites
Author networkingman Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 LOL you can't see what's going on! By opening the door, talking about your spouses, SHE is doing this and in her mind she's comparing you to her H. Trust me, in afew weeks she'll talk to you about a "problem" they're having, or she'll call you 'stressed' out about something relating to her marriage, she'll want your "thoughts" on it. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. Why you even care? CUZ you have feelings for her! The more personal talk you have with her, the more you'll care, then the more you care, the more feelings you'll have. Go read some threads in the OW/OM section. Then read some threads in the infidelity section, read about betrayed spouses and their pain after finding out about their cheating spouse. It isn't pretty. The choice is yours, just keep that in your mind when you're around this coworker. Don't make a huge mistake that could ruin your life as you know it. Stop playing with fire. SHE is always the first to talk about her H. You know what else, I still don't even know his name! I mentioned my W's name, if anything it's for my sake. The choice is mine, I do know this. I'm going to try to do everything in my power to get out of that trip we're supposed to take together. I have to. Damn I don't get why she is so alluring. Just when I make up my mind to stay away emotionally, she reels me back in like a fish from a pond. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 . Damn I don't get why she is so alluring Silly man! She KNOWS how you feel by the way you look at it. She feels that attraction too. Don't be surprised, and don't be fooled either...... Just when I make up my mind to stay away emotionally, she reels me back in like a fish from a pond. WRONG way of thinking. You "let" her reel you back in. Did she hold a gun to your head? Nope, don't think so...lol. Don't put it all on her, you're the one who has admitted you have feelings, so take control of yourself. Make sense? Hmm, hate to play with karma here, but under the circumstances, I think it could work. Let's just say, a family emergency happens - And you can't make that trip...SO, therefore, she will be on her own and someone else can take over. Give it some thought. Link to post Share on other sites
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