Another situation

[funnything]

Hello,

 

I've been dating with my girlfriend for almost 3 and a half years. Things went well from the begging, we were in love I couldn't imagine ever falling in and then, suddenly, from like nowhere, she broke up with me. The are the following reasons:

 

1) Blaming herself:

- Couldn't stand a fact, that she doesn't have a perfect body (she wasn't like over 70kilo or something.. 60, I guess..), and that was eating her inside all the time. She couldn't go the swimming pool, as she was always mentaly on this thing, looking at other perfect bodies. All the time I was telling her that I love her with all my heart in spite of her weight - without any doubt, but it just wasn't helping.

 

- She's also verry jealous girl. I trusted her in spite she's studiing like 200km away, so we've been seeing only 3days a week (when school was running, otherwise every day, every night)), but she couldn't trust me. She had no goddamn reason to do that as everything worked well.. it was like a movie where you bleed just to know you're alive. That point is pretty much tied to the 1st thing above, as source of jealous was pretty much in that obsession of her's, especialy when I was with - in her opinion - prettier girls.

 

2) Blaming me:

 

- OK, there's a thing I would call as a main problem. The thing is noone of us mostly couldn't indulge someone when the bickering began. I guess that comes from the fact we aren't some dumb persons (she's studding microbiology and I'm in a computer science) and everyone of us always trying to proove its own right. So she says I always have to have the last word, but than again, I can say it in opposite way, also. The problem here is the fact, she understands my words in sucha fight as I'd yelling at her, but that just isn't true. You know.. girls a their decibel definitions.. she also admited by herself she take yelling as just a higher voice, as she's emotionaly verry unstable person.

 

We were talking about that problems for sometime, also solve some of them, but then - like I said - from nowhere, she called me and says she can't take it anymore.. that there's too much of [reasons above]..

 

The thing is, she didn't tell me at any time the thing can become some serious. 3 days she was going to pub, talking with some friends she didn't even know (hard to believe, as she isn't some person establishing contacts so fast.. maybe there were some friends, but she didn't want to tell which..), and they entrusted her their experiences and indirectly talked her into that action she took. You know, like "When I was in situation like that, I broke up with my boyfriend", "yeah, you can't take it anymore.. he's not good enough for you", etc. It's a funny thing, as we don't know what the hell would happen if she'd find some other friends in that moment. That thing in soooo relative.. what if those friends weren't trying enough to stay with their boyfriends, what if they were actualy doing the WRONG things, etc. And then, after 40 months, she said to me that is over. Goddamn, they washed her brains!

 

From then on, we were talking on gmail chat, later only tru mails.. twice a week or something.. trying to turn some situation in comic way, remember good moments and so on.. till yesterday (it's 5 months now from that break up..) I didn't dared to open my mouth and say "is there a possibility to start all over again.." (actualy I was trying to do that first month after, but it didn't help a thing), but deep inside my heart I was tearing apart, I love her some much I would die for her at any moment so didn't get here from my mind 24/7, every day of this 5 months. Only thing I was doing was crying and crying.. Therefore, yesterday I mailed her the whole goddamn essay trying to explain everything within its details. I got the answer. In it she is telling me that if she would answer YES, if she'd only looking at this letter. But as she already knows people's nature by her 21years (I'm 19), her answer is NO. She likes the fact we're friends which understand eachother and she doesn't want to loose that feeling. I can assure her that I have changed in some that few ways, but that the problem isn't only me.. (you know, blaming herself again).. She said her wains maybe healed in some ways, but that she can't forget what happened and her life is only empty, miserable and totally unhappy. She wants something better than this, but that can't be done. She says we're just humans and noone can radicaly change - changes only last for short time and then the same old story begins again.. I must know, that I was her first and surely the deepest love ever, and that when she thinks of me, she just cries and cries all the time. Everything reminds her at me and the moments we had together. Tears just folling. But she must be a realist. Despite she still LOVES ME (still saying her words), her answer is still now. She just isn't ready for anyone else. She doesn't want to be hurt anymore.. it hurts to much.. However, she thinks we could stay good friends and if I decide differently, she'll understand it. She's sorry once again for giving me sucha griefs.

 

Then I asked her again: "Do you really love me?"

Her answer was: "Yes, I sure do."

 

Then I started to cry again and send her another mail later in the evening.. stupid thing to do, as it was full of emotions, emotions and once again: emotions..

 

..didn't get the answer yet, but still asking you folks (maybe u have to have some doctor's degree for this one), is there any way.. you know..

 

Life can be so cruel.. so absurdly..