divineassault Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 I'm curious as to everyone else experiences. I recently found out my girlfriend was cheating on me by being very complicated (lots of body language clues, password hacking, and misinformation because she was hooking up with a friend...it was something out of a spy flick). I had to do it because she is crafty and intelligent and covered her tracks well. Maybe it was a challenge for me to figure it out instead of just breaking up. Anyhow, I want to gather responses on a question. If you've ever been cheated on, or knew someone that did, how they find out assuming they were not flat out told? Link to post Share on other sites
Lovie Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 I was cheated on my my current boyfriend I found out because he had an email account that I was completely unaware of. He left it open and logged in and when I came home from work on day (he was out) I found it had a lot of detailed emails to and from this coworker of his. I also had grab a phone bill and saw all the texts and calls from this number that was a little exesive. Icall the number. I was devastated and shocked because I would have never in a million years thought he would do that to me. He was the man that I loved and cherished deeply, i always thought i would be the one to ruin our relationship before that entered my mind. When I was ever put in any situation to cheat on him (and trust me I was in a lot of those) I would tell myself he is the best thing to ever happen to my messed up life why ruin it over some idiot that won't remember my name in the morning? I adored him so much and when i found them It hurt so bad. I didn't break up with him I had made the conscience decision that if He wanted to work it out we would work it out together; once you break up nothing will ever be as it was and it is pretty hard to recover. We managed to over come a lot but the wound is still open. I hate to admit it but sometimes i feel like I am WAITING for something to take the wind out of my sails but he shows me everyday that I am the one so all I have is faith and trust to go on. I do love him just as I did the first time I fell in love with him. so my question to you is do you love her? Do you want to be with her because if your like most people and you found out that your other is cheating on you really wouldn't wait around just to see how far it would go. Link to post Share on other sites
Spoonandfork22 Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 first allow me to say that many people cheat and get away with it. this is because their partner trusts them (not that they shouldnt, you are in a committed relationship after all!). i cheated on my ex, broke up with him the very next day. didnt tell him i cheated (the relationship had been over for other reasons) for your question. i think the typical signs are people being not-so-active in their relationship. slower to return calls, breaking dates, being distant. the sex wanes, the affection wanes. more tired then usual. phone on vibrate so the calls never come through. being out until 3 or 4am 'working late'. however, this is NOT how it is for everyone! it is rare that these things are so obvious. when in love w. someone you trust their behavior is valid and there is a reason behind it. not that they are hurting you. assuming you are being cheated on is a deadly thing in a relationship. most of my friends found out through other people or actually caught the person by snooping. i think snooping is one of the main ways people find out. however, i also feel that if you snoop to look for something incriminating, you will find it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 first allow me to say that many people cheat and get away with it. this is because their partner trusts them (not that they shouldnt, you are in a committed relationship after all!). i cheated on my ex, broke up with him the very next day. didnt tell him i cheated (the relationship had been over for other reasons) for your question. i think the typical signs are people being not-so-active in their relationship. slower to return calls, breaking dates, being distant. the sex wanes, the affection wanes. more tired then usual. phone on vibrate so the calls never come through. being out until 3 or 4am 'working late'. however, this is NOT how it is for everyone! it is rare that these things are so obvious. when in love w. someone you trust their behavior is valid and there is a reason behind it. not that they are hurting you. assuming you are being cheated on is a deadly thing in a relationship. most of my friends found out through other people or actually caught the person by snooping. i think snooping is one of the main ways people find out. however, i also feel that if you snoop to look for something incriminating, you will find it. ....... I am an ExOW...SOme of the things that exMM used to do not get caught is the following... * Pranks were often on his phone [i would prank him & he would call me back ] * Sick Days increased * More excuses not to do things together * Less or No Sex * More interest taken in the appearence * Would argue more * Disappears @ a certain time [ me & exMM had times he would call] * Picks up new hobbies [ MM used to go clubbin w/ me] * Uncontactable * forgets important dates more often... * always tired Hope this HElps... Thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 A lot of people figure it out through gut instinct. There's something that doesn't quite add up and leaves a nagging doubt. Sometimes it's the "just friends" scenario - the cheater will have someone in his/her life who is supposedly just a friend and they swear up and down that's all it is, but their partner doesn't quite believe it and starts tracking them down. Snooping, though, seems to be hands-down the winner in terms of catching a cheater. Modern technology has made that easier, since so many cheaters use email and text messages and are discovered that way. Snooping through cell phones for calls and texts and unfamiliar names or numbers that are called a lot is popular. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 As the BS of a SCH, I would say hands down that the best and most accurate way to find out if your SO is cheating is to take advantage of the many nifty new snooping devices out there now. One of the most simple is to install spyware like spectorsoft on your home comp...This records everything from e mails to actual snapshots of everything done... Hopefully, if you decide to do some snooping, whatever is there becomes visible very quickly...Otherwise, it's very easy to get obsessed with the whole thing. I would also agree that trusting your gut instinct is the best indicator of whether or not something is going on. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
foolbelief Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 A lot of people figure it out through gut instinct. There's something that doesn't quite add up and leaves a nagging doubt. Sometimes it's the "just friends" scenario - the cheater will have someone in his/her life who is supposedly just a friend and they swear up and down that's all it is, but their partner doesn't quite believe it and starts tracking them down. Snooping, though, seems to be hands-down the winner in terms of catching a cheater. Modern technology has made that easier, since so many cheaters use email and text messages and are discovered that way. Snooping through cell phones for calls and texts and unfamiliar names or numbers that are called a lot is popular. That was exactly what she said to me...this guy is a friend, blah, blah..he lives far away. yeah, well after she divorced me, she immediately went to see him. I snooped on her and busted her with e-mails and phone calls. You cannot be "friends" with a male when you are married, it will turn into sex talk in no time. I never suspected a thing. Never. Link to post Share on other sites
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