Am I overreacting over rings?

[Guest]

My boyfriend proposed to me on Christmas Eve, it was the sweetest thing. I love him to death (for a good part of the time) and i feel completely horrible for feeling this way, but I can't get over the ring. It's a cute ring, but when we had to go and get it resized, it ends up he had gotten it from Wal-Mart. I don't have a problem with Wal-Mart, and I'd pick something up there from the jewelery section for my little sister for her birthday maybe, but i was just slightly startled that my wedding set came from wal-mart. My cousin's fiance was telling me about wedding rings one day becuse he use to be the manager at a jewlery store, and he was telling me about their quality and said that the lowest was I and that that was all Wal-Mart had. I had not even mentioned that that was where my ring had come from. Now whenever I look at it im slightly dissappointed to it's lack of shininess and the fact that the entire wedding set together is 1/4 ct. Actually the ct. count doens't really bother me, just the fact that he purchased it at walmart and he makes 1800 a month, asked what my ring size was 6 months in advance, paid not even 400 bucks for it, and just went out and bought a Playstation3. I guess it's just that i can't imagine someone wanting to buy someone something as important as a wedding and engagement band and then having walmart pop up in their head as the first place to buy it. Like I said, I really like the ring, but am I a bad person for wanting something else?

 

Oh, and then his birthday was the other day and his mom called me up saying 'don't get mad at me, but i already went and did it. you can tell me to butt out if you want, but just hear me out. doug was saying a few weeks ago 'why don't i get an engagement ring'?' and so she laughed and told him that they weren't suppose to get a ring until the wedding and so he apparently said 'if i had one i'd wear it' and so i guess what she had done was gone out and bought him a 10ct. gold band from walmart, wanted to know if i wanted to give it to him for his birthday, and i could pay her back by babysitting for her. Ok, so now i feel bad that he apparently wants an engagement ring and i had never even thought about getting him one, and that even if i wanted to now it wouldn't be the same because he had never told ME that, but his mom. It took me a while to let it sink in then i was like wait, she went and picked out her son an engagement ring (w/o the fiance!), bought it, and then wanted wanted me to pay her back? is something wrong w/ that picture or am i just overreacting? seriously, it just...what was she thinking? I feel like i'm a freak and a bad person now, am i?

[Art_Critic]

If I were you I would swap the ring for the PS-3.. let him wear the ring and you have fun playing Golf.

 

Do you love him ? Why are you marrying him ?

 

If you really love him and want the marriage to work then the size of the ring or where/how he bought it shouldn't matter..

 

But.....

 

you are the one that has to wear it the rest of your life.. and pay for his it.. it seems..

I would talk to him about the ring and the fact that you have to wear it the rest of your life and you want to pick out your own ring..

 

You sound like you are very young.. maybe 18 ??

Do you think you are ready for marriage at this young age ?

[dropdeadlegs]

You're not a freak or a bad person. That needs to be said in order to go further.

 

Now... his Mom? She sounds a bit "off" to me. No way I would accept her ring as your wedding band for him, OR pay her for it. That's weird.

 

Let's talk about rings, commitment, and all that entails.

 

A commitment really isn't about a ring, a ring is a symbol. Just because the ring didn't come from where you expected it to, doesn't mean he isn't committed to you. An income of $1800 a month is pretty small. That's barely $20,000 a year and in most areas of the US, that is considered poverty level. Anything other than a string ring is "top dollar" no matter what the source. Don't believe the ads that suggest that a ring should = two months pay, that is a ploy to sell diamonds!

 

Do you really love him in every way? If so the ring is not of any importance.

[Touche]

I have to agree with Art.

 

You know what? If you two were REALLY meant to be, you'd be happy with cigar paper around your finger. Or nothing at all around your finger. You'd be overjoyed that the love of your life just asked you to spend the rest of his life with you....unless he's not the love of your life.

 

My husband is a professional. We're talking doctor, lawyer or CEO, etc...I won't say which in the interest of privacy. Anyway, he INSISTED on a big old diamond ring. We had a big argument over it. One of our first. I told him that I'd rather not waste money on such a thing. I got a gorgeous simulated diamond instead.

 

We spent a wonderful couple of weeks in Europe for our honeymoon. Now THAT'S something that was worth every dollar. The memories and pictures of that time are priceless.

 

As for the ring? I still wear my ring very proudly. It's a symbol of our love. And guess what? Even professional jewelers can't tell that it's not the "real" thing without using their jeweler's loupe.

 

None of that matters though in the end. It's all so superficial.

 

We've been married almost 12 years (this June). THAT'S what matters. The fact that we have weathered all the storms and ridden the highs together is what matters.

 

Not some stupid ring.

[dropdeadlegs]

I would value a good honeymoon over a ring, like Touche. Still, a good honeymoon doesn't have to be expensive, it's about enjoying time together apart from the world, in many ways.

 

Who am I to talk? I never had an expensive ring or a nice honeymoon.

 

I suppose neither really mattered to me.

 

But given the choice, I'd go for the honeymoon trip.

[Touche]

You're a smart woman, DDL. Once again, you made me think.

 

At the time I thought the honeymoon was everything.

 

But you're right. None of those superficial things matter. Not the honeymoon, not the ring, not the wedding gown and not the wedding even.

 

Anyone who has ever been divorced/and or married a long time would know that.

 

It all seems so important at the time, doesn't it. But in the end none of that means anything.

 

It's the real love for one another that really matters in the end.

[magichands]

It's the real love for one another that really matters in the end.

Everyone is so obsessed with anal sex these days.

[Touche]

Everyone is so obsessed with anal sex these days.

 

When I spoke of the "end" I didn't mean literally in the "end." I know you're joking.

 

But it's obvious that you do understand that as long as anal sex is present you will always be happy in the end.

[magichands]

But it's obvious that you do understand that as long as anal sex is present you will always be happy in the end.

I wish I could sit down and think about that, but it hurts.

[dropdeadlegs]

You're a smart woman, DDL. Once again, you made me think.

Thank you, Touche, I have given "second thoughts" to so many things I have read here on LS and I have definitely changed and grown in my few months here.

 

Anyone who has ever been divorced/and or married a long time would know that.

 

It all seems so important at the time, doesn't it. But in the end none of that means anything.

 

It's the real love for one another that really matters in the end.

Yep, even though I have been married and divorced twice( 8 and 7 years') It took both for me to realize that what seems important at the time of the engagement/wedding is not important at all. Yet often it takes the failure of the marriage, or many relationship failures, to come to the conclusion that love is the key. I know I didn't figure that out over night (= decades.)

 

I hope the OP can figure that out the first time.

[Kwo-ne'-she]

Amazing. When I got married, all my husband could afford was a $15 "fake" sold out of a booth in a nearby mall. I wore that ring as if it were worth a million dollars. 21 years later, and since divorced, I still have that ring. I suppose it all depends on how you look at things...

[Rosie Banks]

Got married 12 years ago, in the long ago time of college studenthood! We had no money, so he got me a simple stainless steel band that cost about $35. I still have it and it means the world to me. We now both have good careers and on our 10th anniversary he told me that he wanted to buy me a 'nicer' engagement ring. I was against it at first, but then we started shopping online together, learning about engagement rings. It ended up being a fun thing to do together. I ended up picking out a simple platinum band, as it would last forever, and now I wear it rather than the original. My stainless steel is on a necklace that I put on now and then, to have it next to me. We went through Abazias.com because they were the easiest to work with.

[Enema]

I hate the whole idea of marriage and engagement rings.

 

It's as commercial as christmas! Damn money hungry, greedy, suck my wallet dry wimmenz!

 

I wish I was gay.

[unconventional gurl]

ack, girl, I also just got a WalMart ring (sapphire on a 10K band) and am sad b/c I can stop thinking it is inferior quality (I made a post about it here as well). Adding insult, I hate WalMart and everything it stands for. meh.

 

I dont think ur over-reacting b/c I am over-reacting about my ring at the moment it irks me that this matters so much to me. Our love should be the most important thing, the ring is just a symbol and a formality, but, but, but.... I do wish he'd put more effort into making sure it was a quality piece. I might still make him change it, IDK yet.

 

I know this isnt helpful, but I know how you feel. Best of luck in love and jewelry...

 

mina

[catrocks]

When I got engaged I actually told my fiancé to get me this $200 ring I'd picked out because I didn't want him to spend thousands on it. He ignored me and got me a diamond which I love. We then recently went and bought our wedding bands - he wanted to buy them from the same store he'd got my engagement ring from but when we got there they were talking $2000!!! He tried to persuade me that the $2000 ring was better than the $300 one I liked in Helzberg but there is no way I would want to pay that much.... I'd be so afraid of losing it as well!

 

There are more important things than having expensive and big diamonds, like others have said here. I'm not even married yet but during the planning of the wedding I have come to realise that none of it matters and most of what I've planned has stemmed from others' expectations.

 

1/4 diamond on an $1800 a month salary sounds perfect.

 

I hate the whole idea of marriage and engagement rings.

 

It's as commercial as christmas! Damn money hungry, greedy, suck my wallet dry wimmenz!

 

I wish I was gay.

 

I'd suggest starting with your local gay bar and stocking up on ky rather than complaining about it

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

Oh, and then his birthday was the other day and his mom called me up saying 'don't get mad at me, but i already went and did it. you can tell me to butt out if you want, but just hear me out. doug was saying a few weeks ago 'why don't i get an engagement ring'?' and so she laughed and told him that they weren't suppose to get a ring until the wedding and so he apparently said 'if i had one i'd wear it' and so i guess what she had done was gone out and bought him a 10ct. gold band from walmart, wanted to know if i wanted to give it to him for his birthday, and i could pay her back by babysitting for her. Ok, so now i feel bad that he apparently wants an engagement ring and i had never even thought about getting him one, and that even if i wanted to now it wouldn't be the same because he had never told ME that, but his mom. It took me a while to let it sink in then i was like wait, she went and picked out her son an engagement ring (w/o the fiance!), bought it, and then wanted wanted me to pay her back? is something wrong w/ that picture or am i just overreacting? seriously, it just...what was she thinking? I feel like i'm a freak and a bad person now, am i?

 

I'm surprised more people haven't commented on this part of the story because this is the part I find abhorrent. That is totally messed up. First of all, don't feel bad because you didn't think to buy him an engagement ring. Guys don't get them- they give them, and here's why. Guys are territorial creatures by nature. When they find the love of their life, they want a symbol on their little lady's finger that tells other male creatures that this one is taken. It's better than them urinating on us, so even it comes from Wal-mart, I'll take it. Now guys don't want a ring around their finger, because they want to appear single up until the absolute last possible moment- the wedding ceremony. (Ok so maybe that's not quite true...)

 

But anyway, an engagement ring from the mom is totally weird and inappropriate!!!! She needs to not stick her nose into these affairs because the romantic love that husband and wife (or fiances) share doesn't include her. Now I'm not saying that mom's aren't important.... yesterday was mother's day so please don't jump down my throat here, but the Mother-in-law should not buy her son an engagement ring. Ew.