Guest Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 For everyone who is young (I guess by young I mean 17-23)....Do you want to get married now? Or have you already been married at a young age? Why did you want to get married so young? I'm 21, and I'm nowhere near being ready to get married. However, I have a little dilemma- My boyfriend is 23, and we've been together for about 19 months... but he wants to get married now! He basically said that if he was 'financially secure' in his life, he would ask me right now in a heartbeat. He says things all the time like "I just don't want to wait to ask you anymore" "I want to start the rest of my life with you now" "I already know how I'm going to propose", etc., etc. I've NEVER brought up the topic of marriage, it is always him who is bringing the subject up. While I enjoy talking about the future, because it makes me happy to think of us forever, I have told him that while I'm very much in love with him, I'm nowhere near ready to be married. 1) I'm in school right now and trying to get into nursing school. I probably won't be done school until 2009 or 2010. 2) I love how we are now! I really don't want anything to change.....yet. 3) I feel we're both too young and I don't want to make the mistake of rushing into things. I really feel like I'm hurting my feelings when I tell him I'm not ready. Now I know how most men feel about this when their girlfriends pressure them. Please tell me that I'm normal. :-( It seems like even girls younger than me would jump at the chance to marry someone they love. I really truly am crazy about this man, and I don't want to lose him. He treats me so well and I'm madly in love with him. I just wish that I felt ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss_Bee Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 Hi Guest. It sounds as though you have your head on straight 'n' tight . It's great that you want to wait. There is no need to rush into something so important as marriage at such a young age. Especially while you are still in school and are not financially stable. Link to post Share on other sites
catrocks Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 If you're not ready then you shouldn't be pressured into it. If he loves you he'll understand. At least you definitely know what you want Link to post Share on other sites
BeachBlonde Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 Woops, I forgot to log in when I posted that. Thanks guys- I know that I shouldn't feel pressured into anything, I definitely agree with that. He is very understanding, but he always says that "age shouldn't matter." I don't know, I guess I'm a little too logical about things, but I like to think things through before I do anything serious like marriage. I am very commited and loyal to him, so it's not the fact that I want to "play the field" before I get married. I really don't. I just think we're both way too young right now... Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 Woops, I forgot to log in when I posted that. Thanks guys- I know that I shouldn't feel pressured into anything, I definitely agree with that. He is very understanding, but he always says that "age shouldn't matter." I don't know, I guess I'm a little too logical about things, but I like to think things through before I do anything serious like marriage. I am very commited and loyal to him, so it's not the fact that I want to "play the field" before I get married. I really don't. I just think we're both way too young right now... You are a smart gal. Waiting is the right decision. 10 yrs from now he will agree with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 If he's crazy in love with you now he can wait 3 more years . You have a very level head and I like your way of thinking Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 It's impressive that you've got your head on straight. Focus on your school before getting married. He's discussed it but hasn't really asked you yet so in some ways it's mild pressure. I wouldn't stress about it unless he does ask you outright to marry him. If you're not ready, let him know why so he knows that you think the world of him and that he is the one you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 I am 19 and have been with my bf for 2 and a half years. We have discussed marriage. In that it will happen after I finish Uni, after we have found a home we want to stay in for a long time, and then we will start saving. I know that everyone thinks that 19 is way too young to be making plans, but we have both had situations in our families which have made us more mature then most people our age. We have lived together for a year and our relationship has had pretty much no major problems. Thing is, we both know what we want, and when we want it. Whenever he proposes, it will be a suprise because we both don't want to feel we are caving into pressure from each other or our families. I have pretty much done what I have wanted since I turned 10 and noone can tell me how I should live my life,because I have always made what are ultimately the right decisions. As to the OP, don't worry about what people think, about what other people do etc. Look within yourself to see what you want and then live it. Don't compare yourself to other people because they aren't YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 You are too young for marriage. If you can support yourself, wait with marriage until you are ready to have kids. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah05 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I am 19 years old and will be turning 20 later this summer. My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half. We feel the pressure because his other 3 siblings married young and are off on their own with kids. His two sisters have remarried after getting married at 18. It scares us. Especially since the divorce rate is 50% of all marriages end in divorce. I received a promise ring on Valentine's Day ( a .42 cart. ring) and his dad is always making comments about when our wedding will be. I don't think he understands it it only a "promise ring". I think his dad wants him to move out already. My boyfriend is 19 also and lives with his parents. His dad made a comment that he can't wait till we get married so he can say "he has gotten rid of all his kids and they are all taken care of now." Whatever that means. We feel pressured by our families. My mom wants grandchildren but understands that my school is more important. I should be graduating in 2 years so we might end up waiting until then. I don't think I would be able to handle the stress of planning a wedding and dealing with school work. Good Luck and I hope my experiences have helped a little. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I am 19 and have been with my bf for 2 and a half years. We have discussed marriage. In that it will happen after I finish Uni, after we have found a home we want to stay in for a long time, and then we will start saving. I know that everyone thinks that 19 is way too young to be making plans, but we have both had situations in our families which have made us more mature then most people our age. We have lived together for a year and our relationship has had pretty much no major problems. Thing is, we both know what we want, and when we want it. Whenever he proposes, it will be a suprise because we both don't want to feel we are caving into pressure from each other or our families. I have pretty much done what I have wanted since I turned 10 and noone can tell me how I should live my life,because I have always made what are ultimately the right decisions. As to the OP, don't worry about what people think, about what other people do etc. Look within yourself to see what you want and then live it. Don't compare yourself to other people because they aren't YOU. According to statistics couples who live together before marrying have a higher failure rate than those couples who wait to move into together after post nuptials. I wish you the best but just thought I would let you know. Why it occurs this way I am not sure unless I research it more. Link to post Share on other sites
boshemia Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I never understood the rush either, and I've done the deed twice. When i was just out of high school I would meet girls who were bragging about having multiple finaces and I thought they were nuts. I can understand the desire to begin your life together with someone you love, but if it can't wait a few years then it probably wouldn't have lasted anyways. Marriage is serious stuff, and the amount of work it takes never really hits home until it's way too late. The closer you can get to 30 the better off your chances are of making it work out. You sound like a very smart girl. Keep your wits about you and you'll do fine : ) Link to post Share on other sites
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