Very_Confused Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 I finally tracked down my original thread from last year. I couldn't remember my login or password or even the email address I had used back then so I signed up again a while ago. I did not start a new thread for myself. I just responded to other threads. Because of that, my "story" is scattered and very confusing. LS helped me alot last year. It gave me the strength and determination to try again with my husband. Unfortunately, things have not turned out very well and I am at the point that I need to do some more soul-searching. In order to consolidate all of the information for a clear picture of my situation I decided to start my own thread. Here is the link to my very first post last summer and I apologize in advance for the "novel". I am definitely a talker. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t89987/?highlight=unwilling These are posts that I have made since returning this year (to explain what has happened since that original post). http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1071430#post1071430 Quote: Originally Posted by Guest I am beginning to think that I wouldn't mind being in your shoes and I am in my early 40s. Typical story, short version. My husband and I have what I have seen called a "devitalized marriage". He is Accepting and I am Resisting. Married almost 8 years. One child together and one from a previous marriage still in house. Sex and intimacy for the first 3-4 years was wonderful, exciting and very frequent and he was extremely affectionate. Then it all stopped. Not just the sex but everything else too. No hugs, kisses, playfulness, holding hands, no I Love You's, nothing. I tried to talk to him over and over again about my concerns regarding our lack of intimacy and affection so he was aware of it. I tried everything from flirting, talking, pleading, crying and yep even nagging. No change. Separated for a few months about 5 years ago. Reconciled and quickly fell back into the same routine. Separated again last year for about 7 months. (Husband was diagnosed with diabetes about 2 years ago). During the separation last year he informed me that he had discussed impotency/erectile disfunction with his doctor and was prescribed Cialis. I, of course, felt like an absolute jerk for thinking that just because he paid no attention to me that it meant he didn't love me. He said he understood how I felt and promised to work on showing more affection and that the Cialis would help with the other. He used the Cialis once a couple of days before he moved back in and once again just afterwards but not since. That was 5 months ago. At most, I might get the obligatory peck on the lips as he leaves for work in the morning. Life was very busy for the first few months between house remodeling, my Mother having a very serious car accident and my helping take care of her, and then the holidays on top of normal everyday life with children, house and work. So that kept my mind focused on other things rather than the situation between us. But now, the holidays are over, my Mother is recuperating nicely and no longer needs me every day, remodeling is done until spring and I find myself with all of this time on my hands to sit around and think about everything else. I worked up my courage and asked my husband this morning if he would go with me to talk to a marriage counselor. His response was No. He thinks they are all quacks and doesn't want a third party prying into or being privy to his private life. So where does that leave me? Do I still go to see one alone? Will it even do any good if he is not willing to acknowledge, much less work on, the problems between us? Very Confused Sorry, I hadn't registered for the forums yet. Any advice on the marriage counselor question? I have never been to one and don't personally know of anyone that has. I'm sure it would help me to talk my thoughts and feelings out with someone but I don't know that will help my situation. I have to admit that I didn't pursue the matter with my husband after he got home from work yesterday. I just sort of distanced myself, staying busy with the kids, dinner, housework and went to bed early. I don't want to argue. I don't want him trying to appease me by faking affection for a few days just so I'll get over it. If things change, with or without a marriage counselor, I want it to be a permanent change and one that he makes because he thinks it's important too. Or else what good is it? So I will just take a few days to try to deal with how his refusal makes me feel and figure out where to go from here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1071533#post1071533 But how do you handle it if there is a medical reason? Do you just Exit then? I don't want to end our marriage. I love my husband. I just want him to care as much as I do that it's not a complete marriage and be willing to work on fixing that. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1071565#post1071565 Quote: Originally Posted by Ladyjane14 Your husband is CHOOSING not to address you needs. That is, IF you've made your needs clear to him. That's the bottom line. Treat it accordingly. See, that's what I've been thinking but was hesitant to "say" out loud. He says the ED is the only reason. Who am I to say different? I am not a man and I am not in his shoes so I can't claim to know how he feels. I will probably be bashed from one end to the other but I have also wondered on occasion if he is using it as an excuse because he KNOWS I won't question the truth of what he says. There, I finally said it. But I won't say it to him and he knows it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1071672#post1071672 Quote: Originally Posted by JamesM Then I realize that her kisses and her passion is what I want...not just sex. I can get that if I want, but I don't. That is what we must cling to when going through the frustration of being denied sex while being "tied" to a vow. I think this is what hurts so much about all of it. Yes, I miss the sex but I also think I miss the kisses, hugs and the passion even more. I miss the playfulness. I miss his hand on my back as we go through a door. I miss snuggling up beside him or holding his hand as we watch a movie together. I miss him coming up behind me while I cook or wash dishes and putting his arms around me. I miss his kiss goodnight and at least some part of our bodies touching, maintaining contact while we sleep. I miss feeling like I can reach out to him for no reason at all and not be rejected. I miss these and so many more of the little things. I guess that's why I have wondered if he could, even subconsciously, be using the ED as an excuse to avoid all of it. I want to understand what he is thinking and feeling. I want to know if it's really me that he loves or is he just in love with the idea of marriage and family. I understand how the ED has probably been a blow to his manhood and I haven't pressured him. But my womanhood has taken a serious blow too and he just doesn't seem to care. I want both of us to feel better about ourselves, each other and our relationship but I can't do it alone. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1071677#post1071677 Quote: Originally Posted by JamesM Needs are funny things. My wife still feels that she doesn't need sex. And I imagine the man with ED has a similar feeling. How do you convince him to check it out? I can understand the frustration. As men, we do not tend to like to go to doctors, but if you can get him to get a prescription without all of the hassle, then you may get somewhere. Explaining to him that you need sex is like telling someone who just ate a big meal that you are starving. It is too hard to relate. So, if the doctors visit can be simple and quick, he may go for it. I forgot to respond to this part. He has been to the doctor although it was last spring (due for a checkup soon). His doctor prescribed Cialis at that time. We reconciled in August and he used the Cialis once just a few days before he physically moved back in and then once more just a few days later. He hasn't used it since and that was 5 months ago. I think I will ask if it is okay for me to go with him to his checkup. He will probably refuse but it's worth a shot I guess. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1076219#post1076219 Quote: Originally Posted by Shattered Reality It does seem that there are a lot more men with this problem than women... or maybe it's just that women are more reluctant to talk about it? I'm not sure. Being a woman who is not getting any from her husband, it hurts to sit around and listen to my girlfriends talk about how their husbands are all over them and can't get enough and wish they could get some peace, and it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me that my husband isn't all over me as well. I mean, deep down, I know it's not me, but when you are rejected time and time again you start to think that maybe it is. My self confidence has gone down the tubes. I try to tell myself that our relationship isn't all about sex, but it taints everything else somehow. I dont' feel as close to him, and somehow all our other problems seem to be magnified. Maybe that's because I'm bitter about it. I want to be desired. My question is, when do you draw the line and say enough is enough? I have ALWAYS had a high sex drive, and I can't live like this, with my self worth in the toilet. We have had sex 3 times in the past 6 years. I initiated it each time, not to mention the countless times where I tried to and he would turn me down. I've asked him to see a doctor, which he did and found out he has low testosterone, but he won't do anything about it! Refuses to take the meds to fix the problem. I have tried to get us into counceling... he refuses to follow up with it. It's like it's not important to him, and it hurts. So now I'm the glorified roommate. I do chores around the house. I take care of the kids. I work. Beyond that... there is nothing. He says I love you, and I get split second kisses on the lips. No other intimacy at all. It's like living with a hole inside me... something is missing and I don't know how much longer I can exist without that before it consumes me and I just die inside. Sometimes I think I'm halfway there... sometimes I don't even care I missed alot of discussion over the weekend. Shattered Reality, it seems like our situations are very similar. I feel like I have "checked out" of my marriage at times too. And that maybe I am not trying as hard as I use to for fear of the same old rejection. My husband's refusal to go to a marriage counselor or to use the meds that his doctor prescribed doesn't help my desire to continue trying to fix the problems between us either. Last week I asked him to go to a marriage counselor in the morning, he said no and then when he got home from work it's like the conversation never happened. He never once asked me WHY I felt it necessary to go. I tried to start a conversation about it but he got angry and turned his back to me. He just brushed it aside like he does every conversation I try to have with him about it. I just steered clear of him the rest of the night and went to bed early. And the next evening he wanted to know if I'd play an online game with him and acted miffed because I told him I really didn't want to. Maybe it was petty of me but the way I felt was if he didn't care enough to talk about something that was important to me then I wasn't interested in doing something that he wanted. I hate feeling that way, it's so childish. But I can't help it sometimes. Too much resentment built up I guess. Quote: The thing is though, that he is in denial that there is a problem. Sure, he can admit it to me... when we have had discussions about it he will even say things like "yeah, I know that I need to work on that" or something like that (not to imply that the fault is all with him, at least not in all our problems.) But sometimes I feel that way though Like I've tried so hard to make things work but he is not putting any effort forth. I know I'm not perfect... there are issues that he has with me that I need to work on as well. But the point is that he won't DO anything about it. I can be as open and honest about how I'm feeling and what this is doing to our relationship, but I can't fix this alone. I can't MAKE him do anything that he doesn't want to do, and frankly I don't think I should have to. I'm willing to put a certain amount of work into this, and I have... but how much is enough? I can definitely relate. When my husband wanted to reconcile last year he acknowledged the problem and promised that we would work on it together. I guess, for him, the problem magically went away once he had moved back in because he refuses to even discuss it now. I should have made marriage counseling a requirement for reconciliation but you know what they say about hindsight. While we were still separated, I told my husband that I didn't want to get back together. I didn't see things changing between us because he wasn't willing to work on the problems between us. He'd rather brush them under the carpet and pretend they don't exist. He won me over in the end, promising that things would be better and once he was back in the house he shut me out again. I should have remembered something I said to him during our separation: "you are lonely and you miss the little parts of your life that you had gotten use to. I'm a habit. I'm the person you have talked to and confided in for the last 9 years of your life. I am the person you have shared the everyday things with, good and bad. Being with me is better than being alone. Well I won't settle for that, not anymore." Then I started this short thread (won't paste since it is all together): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t112337/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1087909#post1087909 Quote: Originally Posted by mental_traveller I think a lot of these people complaining are just making excuses for not taking the unpleasant but decisive and necessary action to become free again. Or maybe they feel that the relationship is worth trying to save and are unwilling to just give it up without a fight. Giving up is easy. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1088034#post1088034 Quote: Originally Posted by a4a well if you stick it out for the right reasons it is worth it. Maybe because you actually care for your SO. Because you want to give more to them. If you are hanging on because you are afraid what others will think.... that is just wrong. Throwing in the towel can be hard if you are not in love, simply because you may feel like a failure to yourself. Some value the trappings of M that more than their M's themselves. What you say is very true and I'm sure many people stay in a M for those very reasons. I have felt all of those things myself at one point or another in my marriage. During the first several years of my M I felt like my husband and I were soulmates and I couldn't imagine a life without him. Then everything flew out the window. The respect, love and intimacy was gone and resentment, bitterness and distance took it's place. My husband and I have separated twice during our almost 8 year marriage. The first time (5 years ago) I worried too much about what other people thought. I felt like a failure, again. My husband felt an obligation to our family. So we reconciled without addressing any of the problems that caused the separation to begin with. Naturally, things didn't improve and we quickly fell back into the same old rut and continued that way for another 3-1/2 years until he decided to leave early last year. That separation lasted for 7 months, mainly because I refused to even consider reconciliation for most of that time. I knew it would be a repeat of the last time. We would not address any of the issues and fall right back into that deep hole that we've been in for the last 5 years. I even made that prediction as part of the reason why I wouldn't discuss it for so long. But, eventually, I agreed to try one more time. Do you know why I did that? Not because of the children or what our families or other people thought, not because of financial reasons or because I was afraid of starting over or being alone. Those things did not even come into play. I'm way past all of that. It was simply because I do truly love my husband. I remembered why I fell in love with him and married him after swearing to anyone who would listen that I would never ever marry again. And I could still envision the two of us growing old together, sitting in our rocking chairs on the front porch talking about our children, grandchildren and so on. Unfortunately, it's been 6 months now since we reconciled and we still haven't addressed those issues and he isn't being very cooperative but I'm not giving up yet. I'm kind of stubborn that way. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1088132#post1088132 Quote: Originally Posted by a4a VC that was a nice post IMHO. I think if you ask one basic question all the answers will come to you. Why am I still married to him/her? Thanks a4a, today just happens to be one of those days where the stubborness in me is showing through. Not all days are like that. I still bounce around from day to day. One morning I might wake up, look over at my husband beside me and say to myself "I love that man. I chose to spend my life with him for better or worse and I believe in us." On days like that I roll with the punches. When he kisses me as he is leaving for work I return it enthusiastically. I laugh and smile and am upbeat all day. After he gets home I may even attempt a hug or a kiss myself without fear of rejection. I may still get rejected but I don't let it stop me. Those are my stubborn days. Another morning I might wake up, see him laying on his side of the bed and feel that distance between us so strongly that it's like a knife in my heart. Bad days, no doubt about it. I am emotional and can't concentrate. I do what needs to be done and not much else. I put on a good show for the kids until they go to bed and then I withdraw. I steer clear of him, pray for the day to just end and usually cry myself to sleep long before he ever comes to bed. Those are my depressed days. On yet another morning I might wake up, see him sleeping soundly and peacefully and the resentment hits me like a ton of bricks. I grit my teeth and tell myself that I will learn to be content just like he is, one way or another. I will learn not to miss what is not there between us anymore. I will keep myself busy with work and the children and outside interests and not care if he is there with me or not. Plenty of people live in a "marriage in name only" right? Those are my giving up days. Thankfully, those days don't happen very often because it's just not something I am capable of. I don't see me ever getting to the point where I could settle for a life like that, no matter how much I love him. So, today is a stubborn day. Tomorrow might be one too, who knows. It probably depends alot on how dinner goes tonight. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1089471#post1089471 Quote: Originally Posted by johan I think sometimes people pull out the breakup and divorce trump cards too much in arguments. It's smart to make a rule that those words should never come up, ever. Not until you've truly reached the point of no return. Using them too freely is just a hidden threat that you can walk away any time, so you feel no obligation to try and make things work. It's most often a bluff, trying to get your partner to change their behavior out of fear instead of understanding. It's a way to short-circuit the argument and not really fix anything. If you're in a relationship, then argue to fix it and because you want to stay in it (otherwise, why bother?). Don't argue with one foot out of it. And don't put a foot out until you're truly finished and know you can't stay. Then the other foot should follow along with the rest of you. Amen. For four years my husband refused to acknowledge, discuss, work on, etc. the problems I brought up about our marriage. Yet last year when he told me he was leaving he used just about every one of those as his excuses for leaving. Quite ironic I thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Very_Confused Posted March 9, 2007 Author Share Posted March 9, 2007 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1099251#post1099251 My husband and I are having problems with the issue of money right now, along with other issues that I have posted about before. It's not a lack of money. I work full-time and make a very decent income and my husband makes an excellent salary. The problem is that since he moved back home last fall it's become "his and her money" because that is the way he wants it. During our 7 month separation we both opened separate checking accounts and he also opened a separate savings account for himself. That is a new development in our almost 8 year marriage. Before our separation any money that came into the house was "ours" and we had one joint checking account. For this to make any sense I guess I need to give a little bit of history. We separated once before, about 5 years ago, and money was one of the problems that led to that separation. Back then it was a lack of money. We reconciled and over the next few years our financial status improved and of course that helped relieve some of that stress on our relationship. We weren't rich but things were looking up financially. In January of last year my husband got a major promotion and, along with that, a 35k a year salary increase which put him over 6 figures. I work for the same company and have since 1998. I had to step down from my position and move to another department to avoid a conflict of interests. One week later he told me he was moving out. During the first two months of our separation he had the financial means to pay off his share of the few bills that I consider non-living-expenses (credit card, line of credit, etc.). I make the very last payment to my share tomorrow, yay! He gave me child support for our son during our separation and I worked 48 hours a week, every week. So I was able to make ends meet and even pay a little extra on those bills along the way and stick to my goal of having them paid off in 12 months. Since he moved back in last fall everthing has remained separated because he insists on it. He pays his bills. I pay my bills (which includes the house). And he gives me an "allowance" each payday to go towards utilities, groceries, house pmt, etc. Everything else goes in his checking and savings. He says that the savings is because he wants to buy land and build a house. And that would be great and exciting for me if he made me feel, in any way, that it was for "our land and house, our future". But it's "his savings". Sometimes a bill comes up unexpectedly, is larger than usual or one of the kids needs money for something at school, clothes or shoes, and it doesn't always fit into my budget. That's when I have to ask him for extra "allowance". Do you know how humiliating that is? Trust me, very. My mother was in a very bad car accident before Thanksgiving and for several months I was spending alot of time in the mornings taking care of her. During that time I did not work as many hours and had to ask him for extra money to pay my bills. Now she doesn't need me quite as much so he told me I needed to start working 48 hours again every week so he could go back to the amount he use to give me We have argued about this too. Lots of resentment there. He works 9 to 5, has his nights and weekends free to do as he pleases, and gets angry with me if I don't work a full 48. I work full-time and then some, do all of the housework, laundry, the majority of the cooking, all of the dishes, run the kids back and forth, help with homework, etc. and he can't understand why I am frustrated. I told him a couple of days ago that there was a time in our marriage when he wouldn't have wanted me to work that much. He would have wanted me to be free in the evenings and on the weekends to spend time with him. So that is just another issue we are having right now along with the lack of intimacy and affection. After our last discussion several days ago we have barely spoken. I really just don't have much to say. He dismisses my feelings so what's the point? mogster ... I hope you and your wife can sit down and discuss all of this and come to an arrangement that you are both comfortable with. One that will bring you closer together in your marriage, rather than tearing you apart. Best of luck to you. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1099317#post1099317 Last year my husband and I were separated and he was trying to get me to consider reconciliation. I went to visit a friend and her family for a week in the summer and when I left I gave my husband the books "His Needs, Her Needs" and "The Five Love Languages" and asked him to please read them. I made sure to tell him how important it was to me. Needless to say, he never got past the first page before he dismissed them, and my feelings, completely. He also refuses to go to MC. MC's are all quacks and books are just a bunch of mumbo jumbo. That is his opinion. Talking leads to arguing and more resentment so nothing is ever resolved. So I can definitely relate to your feelings that your husband has done nothing towards changing or working on your relationship. Unfortunately, I can't offer any good advice because I am not having any luck myself. But I can sympathize and offer you a *hug*. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1101966#post1101966 Quote: Originally Posted by Lor Maybe you need to look at his reactions in a different way. This is the kid that your H hasn't been a total complete father figure to thru some of this. I remember from your first posts that your H would take the little one but didn't want to see your teen, or at least not as much. He pretty much let your teen know thru his actions that he was not his father and never was, that he was a step-father. Now you and the H are getting chummy again. And you are taking your H's side in his attitude towards your teen ~ he's obnoxious, he gets on your nerves, you can't deal with him...etc, etc. Guess what, before too long you'll have pushed your son out of the picture and then it won't matter anyway cuz he'll be grown and gone. Is that what you want? Your son has been hurt thru all this. the guy he thought was his Dad up and left, causing you to cry for hours on end, giving you enormous stress, making your little one cry and act out, not wanting to see him, choosing his natural son over his step-son. And now all of sudden everything is supposed to be rosy and wonderful cuz he's coming back around? He's supposed to forgive and forget just cuz you are? Sorry but I'm siding with your boy on this one. He's a teen ~ he doesn't handle things like this very well. He's having a lot of issues with this ~ now all of a sudden H is buying him stuff, too ~ just for him ~ and for no real reason. He may be looking at it as a bribe, then feeling guilty for feeling that way. He may want to trust him but can't because he's been hurt thru this too, not just you. On top of that, he doesn't know if this guy is gonna stick around or if he's gonna run off again. Just because you are trying to accept him back in your life and to make this work, don't expect your teen to be able to handle this the same way, or as "easily". Your H hurt him, hurt you, hurt his brother. He acting out by the stuff he does. Cut the kid some slack, learn to ignore the comments and to try and work with him instead of against him. I know it will be hard ~ for everyone. You need to hear and respect what he's saying ~ how he has to "mentally prepare" to your H. I had to take a class before my divorce would be final ~ on how kids cope with divorce ~ and it gave amazing insight. I think you need to read up on how they react. Just cuz he's old enough to drive doesn't mean he's mature enough to handle this. Wonderful post Lor. I wish it had been around early in my marriage. My husband and I have the his/mine/ours situation. Although his 2 daughters and I have had our rough moments we've never had the problems that my husband has had with my oldest son. They lived with their mother and visited us. My husband's relationship with my daughter has always been very good. She was only 7 when we got married and they had time to bond before she hit those dreaded teenage years. And of course his relationship with our son together has always been good. However, my son was 13 when we married and they have clashed almost since day one. I was left in the middle, expected to choose sides. My husband made it clear, through both words and actions, that he was my son's step-father and not his father. That was sad and difficult for my son because his own father had never made much of an effort to be a part of his life. And here was this man who could be but didn't want to be. He saw how my husband acted with my daughter and our son together and compared that to how he acted towards him. He was resentful, disrespectful, rebellious to a certain extent and they argued constantly. It hurt him and he reacted the only way he knew how at that age. Once, when my son was around 18 I guess, it became physical. My husband had developed a habit of plucking my son's ear to get his attention. Never in front of me, of course. Well my son, by then almost 6ft tall and towering over my husband by a couple of inches, decided he'd had enough of that. He stood up as my husband was walking away and pushed him and told him not to ever touch him again. I heard them from the kitchen and ran in there just as my husband swung around and raised his hand. I had to get in between the two of them and push them apart or else it probably would have gone further. They were both wrong. Luckily, nothing physical ever happened again but neither one of them ever forgot it. Their relationship caused stress for everyone in the household. My son, who is 21 now, lives on his own and makes a point of not visiting when my husband will be at home. So, unless his work schedule allows him to come by during weekdays that means my daughter, younger son and I rarely get to see him ourselves. And that breaks my heart. Don't let it get to that point in your situation anna13. They need to mend their relationship too. Maybe family counseling would be a good idea before you allow your husband to move back home. If your teen is uncomfortable or resents your husband now, and those feelings of his aren't addressed, it will only cause more problems for your family in the long run. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1112876#post1112876 Quote: Originally Posted by reddog63 This is the way it is alot nowadays. In the past, if the woman stayed home, it was expected that she would do the housework and have dinner ready. Then you top it off with hardly any sex. As I see it, there is less and less reason to ever get married. Go to nomarriage.com. Lets see, you put in 110 hours in two weeks.........geezzz.......you would think you would be appreaciated for such hard work supporting the family.........nope.........wife is blind to that. Ohh, yea, and pay someone to do the housework...........yup, thats the answer. Just don't suffer to long........get out when you can........ Yes, I am being harsh today...........but I have seen enough of these posts to wonder why men still get married nowadays......... Unfortunately, that can go both ways reddog. My husband works 9-5 Mon-Thurs and either 9-12:30 or 4:00 on Friday. He gets up in the morning with just enough time to get himself ready to go out the door. He only takes the trash out if it is almost overflowing and I haven't already done it. He doesn't do yardwork or handyman stuff, he'd rather pay someone to do it. He does help our son with his homework sometimes and bathes him several nights a week. Outside of that he spends the rest of his time either sleeping or shut up in the office on his computer. He gets angry if I ask him to do anything. Says he doesn't want to work at home after working all day. On the weekends he doesn't want to work at home after working all week. ??duh?? When does it ever get done then? The answer is, it doesn't unless we fight about it first. I, on the other hand, am expected to work 48 hours a week, every week. Whether it is over a period of 5 longer days or 7 shorter days, it doesn't matter to him as long as I work it. On top of that I get the kids ready, take them to school and then pick them up every day, make sure they do their homework and take them to the doctor when they are sick. I do all of the cleaning, cooking, dishes, laundry, grocery shopping and anything else that comes up in everyday life. And HE is the one who never wants to be intimate (it's been 6 months now). He is the one who expects to be praised when he throws a load of towels in to wash or takes out the trash or stops at the store for milk and bread on his way home. And he wants to know why, after working and everything else until 9-10pm, I am not in the mood to sit around and play a video game with him until the wee hours of the morning. Totally boggles my mind sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Very_Confused Posted March 9, 2007 Author Share Posted March 9, 2007 So there it is. I definitely have not made the best choices over the years. I married too quickly all three times and gave up too easily the first two times. I just do not want to make the same mistake again. To be perfectly clear, there is no one else, will be no one else, that thought does not even enter my mind. This is all about my husband and myself. If it comes down to us eventually parting ways for good then I have no desire for and can't even imagine a relationship with anyone else. Maybe I would feel differently one day but then again, maybe I would just be happy by myself. Any advice, good or bad, would be sincerely appreciated. Thank you all. Link to post Share on other sites
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