gloBunny Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 ok without going into too much deatail and rambling on which i sometimes do..in the simplest way to put this is..the father of my children and i have been together for 7 years, at first it started with him lookand at porn then watching videos..it bothered me for a while, but anyhow i eventually accepted it and he had it in the house with my knowledge..so anyway there were several diff occasion when i found money missing or the time i went to have my car cleaned and found porn stashed under the seat?? i asked why he was hiding it when he even has like 3 magazines and different videos come to the house that i know and do not care about??.. anyway about 3 months ago i was in the middle of planning my wedding (i have since cancelled it.) so happy that our relationship was finally on the right track, anyway i had a 1,000 dollar phone bill and decdided to check who hed been calling and t turns out there were several escort #s so he came in i dramatically and tearfully confronted him..and he admited to me that he had oral sex with a street hooker twice, and felt really guilty about it, but he instisted that it ened there with him and him and his friends were calling the escorts for laughs... i dont buy it..but i am really bothered by the fact that he was with a hooker, and the kicker is that he he was crying and appoligizing and says "i could marry you without you knowing about this, i was going to tell you the night be4 we got married" anyway i took my kids and left him and now im back living with him..i CANNOT get over this..it consumes me and for the last 3mo i think about it almost all day!! i even want to drive to where she is and either a)kick her ass or b) tell her what he did with her and how it effects me.. i know it isnt her fault and i dont know why i fell like that i just do..i cant believe what hes done especially b/c hed always say how amazing our sex life was and i never denied him anything, i told him there wasnt anything i wouldnt do all he had to do was ask.. im really confused..anyway were living together but not "together" everytime he leaves i wonder of hell go see a whore? ..i think and think about it what was it she did for him i couldnt? i wonder if its an addiction and theres more than i know or ever will.. but at this point i CANT stomach anything else.. i dont know what to do ..i love him but i dont even know why i bother? everyone tells me and from the beginning hes not good enough for me..im too beautiful smart ect for him...and i mean im far from conceited but i am out of his leauge..and the way he described her i dont know..i guess at the end of the day looks etc arnt important..?? what do you guys think?? sorry if i rambled and left anything out...if theres any details i skipped please ask and ill let u knoe thanks Link to post Share on other sites
ely Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 ok without going into too much deatail and rambling on which i sometimes do..in the simplest way to put this is..the father of my children and i have been together for 7 years, at first it started with him lookand at porn then watching videos..it bothered me for a while, but anyhow i eventually accepted it and he had it in the house with my knowledge..so anyway there were several diff occasion when i found money missing or the time i went to have my car cleaned and found porn stashed under the seat?? i asked why he was hiding it when he even has like 3 magazines and different videos come to the house that i know and do not care about??.. anyway about 3 months ago i was in the middle of planning my wedding (i have since cancelled it.) so happy that our relationship was finally on the right track, anyway i had a 1,000 dollar phone bill and decdided to check who hed been calling and t turns out there were several escort #s so he came in i dramatically and tearfully confronted him..and he admited to me that he had oral sex with a street hooker twice, and felt really guilty about it, but he instisted that it ened there with him and him and his friends were calling the escorts for laughs... i dont buy it..but i am really bothered by the fact that he was with a hooker, and the kicker is that he he was crying and appoligizing and says "i could marry you without you knowing about this, i was going to tell you the night be4 we got married" anyway i took my kids and left him and now im back living with him..i CANNOT get over this..it consumes me and for the last 3mo i think about it almost all day!! i even want to drive to where she is and either a)kick her ass or b) tell her what he did with her and how it effects me.. i know it isnt her fault and i dont know why i fell like that i just do..i cant believe what hes done especially b/c hed always say how amazing our sex life was and i never denied him anything, i told him there wasnt anything i wouldnt do all he had to do was ask.. im really confused..anyway were living together but not "together" everytime he leaves i wonder of hell go see a whore? ..i think and think about it what was it she did for him i couldnt? i wonder if its an addiction and theres more than i know or ever will.. but at this point i CANT stomach anything else.. i dont know what to do ..i love him but i dont even know why i bother? everyone tells me and from the beginning hes not good enough for me..im too beautiful smart ect for him...and i mean im far from conceited but i am out of his leauge..and the way he described her i dont know..i guess at the end of the day looks etc arnt important..?? what do you guys think?? sorry if i rambled and left anything out...if theres any details i skipped please ask and ill let u knoe thanks Same thing happened to me read my story and U will see you are not the only one, Sorry this happened... eventually it already happened and his fear is gone... he will do it again...(I am sure there was more done) Link to post Share on other sites
Virginia Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 I am sorry you are going through this. What a jack ass! If I was you it would be over. Sexual addiction or not. He has a sex addiction he comes to you and get help,I know it isn't that easy but getting off with a hooker is not excusable. Good luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
ely Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 ok without going into too much deatail and rambling on which i sometimes do..in the simplest way to put this is..the father of my children and i have been together for 7 years, at first it started with him lookand at porn then watching videos..it bothered me for a while, but anyhow i eventually accepted it and he had it in the house with my knowledge..so anyway there were several diff occasion when i found money missing or the time i went to have my car cleaned and found porn stashed under the seat?? i asked why he was hiding it when he even has like 3 magazines and different videos come to the house that i know and do not care about??.. anyway about 3 months ago i was in the middle of planning my wedding (i have since cancelled it.) so happy that our relationship was finally on the right track, anyway i had a 1,000 dollar phone bill and decdided to check who hed been calling and t turns out there were several escort #s so he came in i dramatically and tearfully confronted him..and he admited to me that he had oral sex with a street hooker twice, and felt really guilty about it, but he instisted that it ened there with him and him and his friends were calling the escorts for laughs... i dont buy it..but i am really bothered by the fact that he was with a hooker, and the kicker is that he he was crying and appoligizing and says "i could marry you without you knowing about this, i was going to tell you the night be4 we got married" anyway i took my kids and left him and now im back living with him..i CANNOT get over this..it consumes me and for the last 3mo i think about it almost all day!! i even want to drive to where she is and either a)kick her ass or b) tell her what he did with her and how it effects me.. i know it isnt her fault and i dont know why i fell like that i just do..i cant believe what hes done especially b/c hed always say how amazing our sex life was and i never denied him anything, i told him there wasnt anything i wouldnt do all he had to do was ask.. im really confused..anyway were living together but not "together" everytime he leaves i wonder of hell go see a whore? ..i think and think about it what was it she did for him i couldnt? i wonder if its an addiction and theres more than i know or ever will.. but at this point i CANT stomach anything else.. i dont know what to do ..i love him but i dont even know why i bother? everyone tells me and from the beginning hes not good enough for me..im too beautiful smart ect for him...and i mean im far from conceited but i am out of his leauge..and the way he described her i dont know..i guess at the end of the day looks etc arnt important..?? what do you guys think?? sorry if i rambled and left anything out...if theres any details i skipped please ask and ill let u knoe thanks What will U do? This is not the women fault this is his fault he initiated this and is now addicted to sex. He likes to use women as sex objects and sorry but if u have a girlfriend and u turn to a cheap whore, than there is an addiction. AND LOOK I am going through the same thing. U HAVE TO HAVE A PLAN......... Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 As a guy who has had similar urges, I can say that unless he makes a conscious decision to never visit a hooker again, he will do it again. If he is doing this kind of stuff prior to marriage, it will only get worse after marriage. My guess is that he isn't sorry or guilty that he had oral sex with a hooker, my guess is that he is sorry and embarrassed that he got caught. Huge difference. Remember if he cares so little for your health when he visits a hooker prior to marriage, imagine how he will have even less feelings after marriage when things get rough. Marriage takes commitment, and it gets hard to stick to that decision. And since he cannot stick to the decision of a commitment while engaged, he will never stick to that commitment after marriage. For your own sake, leave him and move on. I rarely say this, but here I see no other choice. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 You mentioned that you believed that your relationship was "finally on track", what were the problems besides the porn/prostitutes? You spent a lot of time with a man you wern't "on track" with. I don't know whether he is "below" you or not on the social ladder. From your comments I do know that he probably is "below" you on the emotional/moral ladder though. Funny it took you seven years to come to your conclusions. Some things you didn't include: Have you any children with HIM? Do you live together? Does he contribute to the welfare of children you did not have with him? You mentioned you left him, however you are "back" with him now. Why? It's appearant that his hooker behavior is reprehensible, would be for any man, in any situation. What about the rest? Good Step Father? Good provider? There is much you didn't include. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gloBunny Posted March 10, 2007 Author Share Posted March 10, 2007 we have three children together..i dont have any others and neither does he..he is a good dad, i am 21 and he is 24..so i think the pressure is alot for him but he is the one who wanted the children too... what i mean when i say finally on track is that we had just purchased a house..things seemed to be going great we were getting ready for a wedding in july..i was happy ..but he is a very angry person.. he has alot of friends who engage in this behavior and their wives know nothing about it at all..ever since he started working his job has really changed him..the people hes around..i dont know.. i just want to talk to someone who understands..theres not hot line or support group for this type of thing tho i cut off my best friend b/c i gave her waaaay too many details and i am so embarassed and ashamed that people know what he did..i cant even talk to my family anymore b/c im so so embarassed..its hurtful.. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 You're on track to a life of being married to a man who thinks cheating with a hooker is normal for married men. Not a good bet in my book but of course, the choice is totally yours and some women do either accept or submit to that reality. Having 3 children at age 21 cuts down tremendously on your wiggle/escape room, as I am sure you have noticed. Loveshack can be a good place to discuss these forbidden topics. Or possibly a professional coun selor...although I'm afraid a lot of them aren't worth even 10% of what they charge. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 I don't technically consider having sex with hookers as cheating, since they're not real people, but it is kind of nasty. This guy isn't marriage material. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 I don't technically consider having sex with hookers as cheating, since they're not real people. What are they plastic people. As a guy who has had similar urges, I can say that unless he makes a conscious decision to never visit a hooker again, he will do it again. If he is doing this kind of stuff prior to marriage, it will only get worse after marriage. My guess is that he isn't sorry or guilty that he had oral sex with a hooker, my guess is that he is sorry and embarrassed that he got caught. Huge difference. Remember if he cares so little for your health when he visits a hooker prior to marriage, imagine how he will have even less feelings after marriage when things get rough. Marriage takes commitment, and it gets hard to stick to that decision. And since he cannot stick to the decision of a commitment while engaged, he will never stick to that commitment after marriage. For your own sake, leave him and move on. I rarely say this, but here I see no other choice. I agree. "i could marry you without you knowing about this, i was going to tell you the night be4 we got married" What a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Virginia Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 Having sex with a hooker is not cheating? OMG are you for real? Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 Hookers are real people, and sex with a hooker is real sex. The major difference is that a hooker is not going to be emotionally clingy after sex and will not seek any continued interaction other than with a financial motive...unlike the average "civilian". Link to post Share on other sites
MySugaree Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 Your guy's story does not hold up. A thousand dollar phone bill part of which is for calls to escort services. And then he admits to only getting blown twice by a "street hooker." That's BS. Guys don't make that kind of investment of time and money for kicks: we do it to get laid, AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. As for he and his friends calling escorts for laughs, that's both unbelievable and lame, not to mention expensive. I suspect that your BF is seeing two or more escorts, not street hookers. Think early Charlie Sheen. One trick when you're discovered doing something really wrong is to confess to a much lesser "crime." I suspect your BF is doing that, here. Trust issues abound. But you're only 21 and already have 3 kids. Your exit options are limited, but you might want to consider them. This will get much, much worse before it gets any better--if ever. Link to post Share on other sites
justagirlforever Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 I don't technically consider having sex with hookers as cheating, since they're not real people, but it is kind of nasty. This guy isn't marriage material. What utter tosh! Are YOU for real? Since when are they not real living people and since when is DECEIPT not cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
barklikematingfox Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 LOL @ "since they're not real people" ummm ... I really think they are real people ... I think they breathe too. First of all ... ask your future husband to stick to highly quality escorts. Secondly ... insist he stays away from street hookers because you really don't want your friends to see your man getting head in your car from another girl. That would just be tacky. Link to post Share on other sites
ridingthebulls Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 No hookers are not real people. They are just objects used for sex and they disappear after they get their money. Why not just use a blow-up doll then? Link to post Share on other sites
Plokette Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Hookers are real people. Try walking in their shoes before you comment. Sex with them is real, and while it does not have the same connotation as sex with emotion, it is still real. $1000 phone bill? Give me a break. Prostitutes don't chat with you on the phone for fun. There is something else there. Questions: do you want to marry this person with your situation is as it is? Do you think all of a sudden things will suddenly become perfect and he will change? Reality check. Do you want to enter a flawed marriage because it is better than being alone or do you want to wait for Mr perfect, knowing he may never come? Hard and harsh choices, but don't fool yourself. The facts are in your face. Link to post Share on other sites
Fiona Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 My situation is different, I'm already married with children and I'm the one who stopped the marital sex. I'm intelligent enough to know I've created a breech of sorts into which my husband could easily slip and fall. I'm not saying my hubbing is cheating (in all honestly I'm afraid to look). I'm not condoning or supporting cheating, but ... well ... if I found out he slept with a hooker, I'd probably give a secret sigh of relief. Don't come down on me too hard. We love each other. He's a family man, works normal hours, doesn't travel very often, never goes out with the boys, takes care of everything that needs it, he's great with the kids and me. I have no reasons to complain or to mistrust him. I live with the fear that some bimbo will come along and turn his head with sex; the sex I don't give him. I couldn't handle him leaving me over some sex starved girlfriend. Getting sucky-sucky from a hooker is truly the lesser of many evils. If he keeps it safe and discreet, if it keeps him content and happy, I guess the whole family stays happy. Re-reading, do I really believe what I wrote? Deep down I don't think he's got any hanky-panky going on, so I feal safe with it. I hope I never have to find out, though. I wish you luck! Link to post Share on other sites
ridingthebulls Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 My situation is different, I'm already married with children and I'm the one who stopped the marital sex. I'm intelligent enough to know I've created a breech of sorts into which my husband could easily slip and fall. I'm not saying my hubbing is cheating (in all honestly I'm afraid to look). I'm not condoning or supporting cheating, but ... well ... if I found out he slept with a hooker, I'd probably give a secret sigh of relief. Don't come down on me too hard. We love each other. He's a family man, works normal hours, doesn't travel very often, never goes out with the boys, takes care of everything that needs it, he's great with the kids and me. I have no reasons to complain or to mistrust him. I live with the fear that some bimbo will come along and turn his head with sex; the sex I don't give him. I couldn't handle him leaving me over some sex starved girlfriend. Getting sucky-sucky from a hooker is truly the lesser of many evils. If he keeps it safe and discreet, if it keeps him content and happy, I guess the whole family stays happy. Re-reading, do I really believe what I wrote? Deep down I don't think he's got any hanky-panky going on, so I feal safe with it. I hope I never have to find out, though. I wish you luck! Good god, why not just make love to your husband? Is there a physical problem or something involved here? Link to post Share on other sites
Sashaj Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 Oh my god sweetheart, this is just horrible. My partner has slept with prostitutes in the past (before we were together) but I was still devastated when I found out. It has taken me about two years to get my head around to be honest. A lot of crying just trying to understand. You see I thought of it as something dirty and degrading to women. We are not pieces of meat. To a certain point I still see it like that. My understanding in my own head is that for men it is like a business transaction. They pay the money and they get what they want. There is no emotion involved, it is a power play. I don't know whether you should stay or go. How much easier would it be if someone else could be strong for you and just tell you the right thing to do. How good would it be to look into that crystal ball and show you which is the best way. Or if we could just turn our hearts off and be able to choose who we love life would be a lot simpler. What your partner has done has broken your trust, regardless of it being with a hooker or someone he picked up at a bar. Some people work through infidelity, some don't. You are so young with three children, you obviously feel isolated, I agree that you need to speak to someone. You are embarressed about telling your girlfriend, don't be! You have nothing to be ashamed of. You have not done anything wrong. It is not your fault, cheating is not acceptable under any circumstance, even revenge. I don't know the answers but I truly hope you find happiness with or without your partner. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 My situation is different, I'm already married with children and I'm the one who stopped the marital sex. I'm intelligent enough to know I've created a breech of sorts into which my husband could easily slip and fall. I'm not saying my hubbing is cheating (in all honestly I'm afraid to look). I'm not condoning or supporting cheating, but ... well ... if I found out he slept with a hooker, I'd probably give a secret sigh of relief. Don't come down on me too hard. We love each other. He's a family man, works normal hours, doesn't travel very often, never goes out with the boys, takes care of everything that needs it, he's great with the kids and me. I have no reasons to complain or to mistrust him. I live with the fear that some bimbo will come along and turn his head with sex; the sex I don't give him. I couldn't handle him leaving me over some sex starved girlfriend. Getting sucky-sucky from a hooker is truly the lesser of many evils. If he keeps it safe and discreet, if it keeps him content and happy, I guess the whole family stays happy. Re-reading, do I really believe what I wrote? Deep down I don't think he's got any hanky-panky going on, so I feal safe with it. I hope I never have to find out, though. I wish you luck! I think that cutting sex off to your partner is a form of abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 I think that cutting sex off to your partner is a form of abuse. or at least serious neglect. Link to post Share on other sites
Fiona Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 I think that cutting sex off to your partner is a form of abuse. or at least serious neglect. You don't have to read the whole thing, just the summary: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1136170&postcount=60 Link to post Share on other sites
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