Therapist increases rate

[pricillia]

I totally get that and as I mentioned I'm passed the 'honeymoon in-love' phase WWIU said is callled transference and as my therapist said, is a normal healthy thing to feel. I do like him a lot as he is someone who listens to me and helps me tremendously, and yes for a fee which I accept.

 

I do like how Mark B compared therapists to strippers - they make you feel special and loved but it's at a cost and at the end of the day they go home to their spouse and you are left without them.

 

He really is a great person, when I was going through my break up, he had his friends invite me to have dinner with them on weekends so I wouldn't be alone. I feel like he goes out of his way to take care of me and it has always been on a professional level, I just feel like the fee increase is a wake up call that he's not a 'real' real friend, but a paid professional which is a blow to my esteem.

 

 

I do not want to be loved by my therapist, plus she is a woman so that would just be weird, I am not going to her because I am in need of love, I am going to her because she is a paid professional that can help me sort out certian feeling and regain my strength back to do what I need to do.

 

Put this in perspective FUN2beme...

 

You are there for one purpose only to work through problems and issues, you are paying your therapist to do a job, you can feel comfortable with him but anything more then that is just too much to ask for. You said that you were in love with him at one point that in itself is not healthy.

 

He probabaly picked up on this with you.

[magichands]

, when I was going through my break up, he had his friends invite me to have dinner with them on weekends so I wouldn't be alone. I feel like he goes out of his way to take care of me and

Wow. That's so cool. And he is taking a very personal interest in you. Having his friends keep you company is as much as one can do without getting directly involved, and it is way more than a professional relationship would call for.

 

Not saying he is unprofessional, at all, but he sure goes the extra mile. This is the sort of stuff you should remember... not the fee increase.

 

Sure, it's a wake-up call. In life you want to be able to choose the people you interact with (or help), because there is only so much you to go around. Remember that he is doing what he is doing primarily because it's his job. Nothing saying he doesn't care about you - I'm sure he does, but he wouldn't be doing it if he wasn't getting paid for it.

[magichands]

I do like how Mark B compared therapists to strippers -

I'm sure every therapist would dream of such a comment.

[westernxer]

Therapist = The rapist

 

At least in your case.

[norajane]

I totally get that and as I mentioned I'm passed the 'honeymoon in-love' phase WWIU said is callled transference and as my therapist said, is a normal healthy thing to feel. I do like him a lot as he is someone who listens to me and helps me tremendously, and yes for a fee which I accept.

 

I do like how Mark B compared therapists to strippers - they make you feel special and loved but it's at a cost and at the end of the day they go home to their spouse and you are left without them.

 

He really is a great person, when I was going through my break up, he had his friends invite me to have dinner with them on weekends so I wouldn't be alone. I feel like he goes out of his way to take care of me and it has always been on a professional level, I just feel like the fee increase is a wake up call that he's not a 'real' real friend, but a paid professional which is a blow to my esteem.

 

Uh, are you sure he's really helping you? If he were, you wouldn't be so insulted that he increased his fees. You'd understand that professionals have to do that - as he explained in the letter, he had all the office remodeling, etc. They always do this by letter because they have a lot of patients and it's easier to send out a bunch of form letters to everyone. They probably have to do it that way, too, so you are legally aware of the exact increase in fees and can't later say you weren't told or misunderstood what the new rates were or something.

 

Nor would you be worrying that he raised his fees because you bought home decor. Nor would you be all suspicious about the dates on the letter. Either his secretary got behind on printing and mailing, forgot to change the date, or the post office was behind.

 

All these wierd suspicions and insecurities are why you started seeing a therapist in the first place. Are you sure he's helping, or are you enamored with your time together?

[whichwayisup]

Uh, are you sure he's really helping you?

 

I've thought this as well. I would hope by now he'd really been working with you FUN on the negative thinking.

 

Hate to say it but maybe you'd be better off with a therapist who specializes in CBT. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Or atleast mention CBT to your therapist and hopefully he can do some CBT work with you.

[Fun2BMe]

All these wierd suspicions and insecurities are why you started seeing a therapist in the first place. Are you sure he's helping, or are you enamored with your time together?

 

He's helped me so much but I won't deny that I am very enamored of our time together as well probably due to the fact that being with the person who is helping me so much makes me enamored of our time. I didn't think my current suspicions were weird but since nobody is telling me they think I am right to feel the way I do about it, then maybe I have no reason to be upset over this issue.

 

He's helped me regain the confidence and strength I had before the bf had destroyed my spirit. He gave me the courage to tell my ex about how I felt and that I didn't want to see him anymore, instead of the sloppy cowardly way I had ended it in email and inuendo which had led him to continue calling me nonstop and even for me to give in to see him again. He had such a big ego that whenever I'd get mad at him he'd tell me to talk to the therapist about it to set me straight, yet at the end it was the therapist he introduced me to who gave me the strength to permanently end everything with him. He said he was evil, abusive and from the session when I finally talked about the bf which I was hesitating to do so before since they were friends and I had trust issues if he'd keep things confidential, he gave me until our next session to formally end things with him for my sanity and has 'sided' with me about it all.

 

He really has done miracles for me and is very professional as far as not leading me on, talking about his wife when I get too clingy to him to push me back into reality and so on. So thanks for putting things in perspective here, I'll just give him a check with the increased rate and not make a scene out of it that it was a personal attack or something like that. If I put myself in his shoes he probably has to be strong to increase his rates for the similar type of reactions he probably knows it may spark in his patients.

[Fun2BMe]

I've thought this as well. I would hope by now he'd really been working with you FUN on the negative thinking.

 

Hate to say it but maybe you'd be better off with a therapist who specializes in CBT. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Or atleast mention CBT to your therapist and hopefully he can do some CBT work with you.

 

I do think he specializes in CBT. He has been helping me without putting me on any medication per my initial request. Although he's a psychologist he said he'd refer me to a doctor if he thought I needed a prescription and so far we are making progress without it which was my preference.

[whichwayisup]

If you can do this without meds, good for you.

 

If he specializes in CBT, he really should be helping you retrain your brain into more positive thinking. Like the example I gave you before about how the mind can blow things out of proportion. And, I hope you're working hard on yourself OUTSIDE of therapy. It's an ongoing thing, not just in the office. What you put into therapy is what you get out of it.

 

Does he make you fill out a TEA form before each session starts? Do you journal daily? Does he give you homework to do outside of his office -Stuff to think about and work on during the week before your next session?

 

I really hope that you DO focus on your stuff only, and not try to BE friends with him. He has a job to do, as well as you. And that is helping you BE the best person you can be, learn about you and grow.

[Fun2BMe]

I don't know what a TEA form is. I don't fill anything out and he takes no notes either during our sessions. At this point looking back I wish I had kept a journal so that I would have a record of the progress, I bought a journal but it wasn't one that felt right so I don't look forward to writing in it, I need a larger size one but the ones they sell these days are small size books that don't appeal to me. I know this sounds silly but I haven't gone out of my way to purchase another one and now that you have mentioned it I regret not having a record.

 

As for homework, every now and then he'll say I have homework, such as to talk to so and so who I have hesitated to say something to about something, but in general there seems to be no structure and I should start forming one.

 

During our last visit he said it's been about 3 months I've been seeing him, can I trace the things that have taken place. I felt bad to have to correct him to say it had been 4 months, then it dawned on me I haven't been keeping a journal to list the changes. After our session I started making an outline to try to remember what took place when for my records, but I'm glad you've brought it up so I can do a better job of it for myself.

 

I did notice a notebook on his desk during our last session, I was hoping he'd take notes but we just chat informally and there's never any paperwork. Is that normal? At the end of the day I do see improvement so I guess that's what counts, but I like how you say it's how much I put into it that will get me results. I seem to have gotten lazy, just go to the sessions and then sit back waiting for some changes to take place without being as active as I probably should be.

[RecordProducer]

he has a whole paragraph listing his new expenses since he remodeled his office.

I find this extremely unprofessional. By that logic a restaurant owner who took a loan from the bank should have higher prices that the one who inherited the building and the business from his father. His expenses are none of your business. He is expected to have an office and charge according to the market value of his labor as well as his professional quality. In other words, if all therapists charge $50-$75 per hour, he can't charge $100 because he bought a new mahagony table. He can, but it's very unprofessional of him. But all that is irrelevant. He raised the price so deal with it.

 

He has to care about all of his patients, because he is paid to care, to help, to worry, to listen, to be your everything during that hour.

 

The email might be cold because it's possible that it wasn't him who wrote it; it might be his wife or whomever is doing his finances. Emails are naturally colder than conversations IRL.

 

I don't think he wants to get rid of you, unless you bug him a lot outside your paid hours. If you send him emails almost every day and expect from him to respond to them then he might feel that he is wroking more than you're paying for. Don't contact him between sessions you pay for.

[whichwayisup]

I've never heard of a therapist who doesn't take notes. Usually they jot down stuff throughout the session.

 

You need to push yourself. Sit down and write. Whether it be with paper and pen or on the computer, just do it. Writing is honest and heartfelt. Sometimes when you sit and write it's like a huge weight is lifted off the shoulders, you see things differently as it comes out on paper.

 

He isn't going to do the changes for you, that's your job. If you do nothing and just go to the sessions without working on YOU, you're wasting your money...Like I said before, what you put into therapy is what you get out of it.

[Fun2BMe]

RP, I had that same initial reaction that you describe. He talks about how his office has a nicer reception area, new furniture then turns around and bills his patients more to cover the costs of it when he didn't consult us on what to get and how much to spend.

 

On your other point I have to disagree about what you say re: a restaurant that is inherited vs. one that has a loan on it. Restaurants in prime locations such as on a popular beach with expensive property taxes and cost of living costs much more for the food than a duplicate restaurant in the middle of no where that pays lower taxes, wages and so on. The restaurant that has a loan to pay has to of course charge more to cover its expenses or else it would be operating at a loss. The same holds true I have to admit in my scenerio, but again I took it personally when I shouldn't. It's part of doing business, the man isn't doing voluntary charity work.

 

To WWIU, now I feel upset that he doesn't take notes during my sessions when he has a silver plated beautiful notebook he must therefore be using on his patients. Maybe he doesn't find anything in our conversations worth writing, taking up space in his noebook. Does he think I'm too simplistic and no notes are necessary or what. ughh that hurts. In any case I am definitely going to keep a journal for myself from here on out.

 

Oh and I was just reading his letter again. Guess what, he says the higher fees are effective as of March 1st. The letter is dated Feb 28. I last saw him March 5th. The postmark on the envelope when he mailed it out is March 6th and I received it March 9. So at my last session I had not received the letter yet and paid him the regular amount. Do I therefore add last week's increased fee to my next payment? I really don't want to give him the opportunity to tell me to do so if I don't voluntarily do it myself, that would totally crush me if he were to be that petty about it. I guess I'll just do it to be on the safe side It really does hurt though on an emotional level.

[RecordProducer]

The restaurant that has a loan to pay has to of course charge more to cover its expenses or else it would be operating at a loss. The same holds true I have to admit in my scenerio, but again I took it personally when I shouldn't. It's part of doing business, the man isn't doing voluntary charity work.

 

Sorry, but this is totally not true. In business you set the price that the customer is willing to pay and you calculate your expenses within the price. The market is competitive and consumer-oriented, not supplier-oriented. You have agreed to a certain price per hour and his personal expenses are none of your business. You are also not charity group to pay for his new sofa - you pay for the service he provides you with, which is counseling. You didn't ask him to buy new inventory. You are not obligated to pay for his investments. He shouldn't give it as an excuse for a raised price.

[Fun2BMe]

You are also not charity group to pay for his new sofa - you pay for the service he provides you with, which is counseling. You didn't ask him to buy new inventory.

Funny but true. I'm not a charity group either:lmao: .

[alphamale]

You are also not charity group to pay for his new sofa - you pay for the service he provides you with, which is counseling.

But she does have to sit somewhere when she goes in for therapy.

[Fun2BMe]

I can take a blanket and suggest we sit on the floor. But in all seriousness, now I'm more upset that he doesn't take notes during our sessions. Maybe next time he asks to track our progress, I'll say I have no idea and ask him what it is, then he'll have no notes to refer to himself.

[alphamale]

I can take a blanket and suggest we sit on the floor.

 

man, i could go for a falafel right now

[RecordProducer]

But she does have to sit somewhere when she goes in for therapy.

His price includes his costs. Pumping up a price because he has new expenses, that don't improve the quality of his service, is idiotic. How would you feel if your local bank unit raised the mortgage rate because they bought a bunch of new furniture and their rent went up? You gotta put your butt on somethign while signing those papers, huh?

[Fun2BMe]

Bring me some too and we'll have a picnic on my therapy blanket:lmao:

[magichands]

, now I'm more upset that he doesn't take notes during our sessions.

Perhaps he doesn't trust himself not to make doodles of your breasts.

[Fun2BMe]

Personally I liked his old couch more anyways. It was a beautiful cozy one. The new expensive one is a huge overstuffed leather one that I can't get comfortable in.

[RecordProducer]

now I'm more upset that he doesn't take notes during our sessions. Maybe next time he asks to track our progress, I'll say I have no idea and ask him what it is, then he'll have no notes to refer to himself.

I don't think this should be your problem. If he memorizes all the details then it's OK. You might be his only client, after all.

I think notes are stupid; he needs to get to know you well. If he takes notes, then you're just a piece of paper with information. Make sure he listens to what you're saying, though.

[Fun2BMe]

Perhaps he doesn't trust himself not to make doodles of your breasts.

 

Ew, he'd never do that!!! He's too classy. But you know the grocery stores where you can bring your own bag to be environmentally conscious, I can bring my blanket and choose to sit on the floor and have him deduct the increase in expenditure from my charges.

[alphamale]

If he takes notes, then you're just a piece of paper with information. Make sure he listens to what you're saying, though.

if he's taking notes its harder for him to check out F2BM's hot body and pretty face