Reading Signals... from a male perspective

[PulseNZ]

This post is aimed at girls 18-25.

 

Ok, so I was reading a previous post from a girl who couldn't read signals from a guy who seemed to be hitting on her but actually was interested in her friend. I myself have been guilty of this, I didn't try to hit on her friend, I was TRYING to be nice to her friend so she gained respect for me. But probably took it too far.

 

Anyway, it made me realise that girls actually have issues reading guys signals, something I never really considered.

 

1) I'd like to know from a female perspective what signals girls would like to see and how they would respond if they were interested.

 

2) Also, even if you (the girl) is currently involved with someone, but a guy who tickles your fancy starts hitting on you, would you play along? DONT LIE TO ME

 

3) What to you is the deciding moment that something could be there? The touch? The kiss? I'm dying to hear what you as a female think.

[Bronte]

that it is not usually us but GUYS who have problems reading signals. I can't tell you how many times I have done the subtle flick of the hair and suggestive glance to get nothing back. It seems like we need to be blatantly obvious. Anyway that's not your concern here. So here are my answers:

 

1) Just be natural, there is nothing worse than a guy who is trying too hard. Maintain eye contact (do not stare, especially at her breasts); keep the conversation light-hearted and try to make her laugh; ask her questions about herself (not 'where do you live?' or anything too full-on, just basic things like her career ambitions) - people enjoy talking about themselves and it will take the pressure off you to think of things to say. Basically, if she responds well - maintains eye contact and engages actively in the conversation and does other things which you probably won't notice (such as crossing her legs, opening her wrists towards you, and touching her hair), then it's all good and you should proceed to the next stage - asking for the number.

 

2) This really depends on the girl and the type of relationship she's in. However, I doubt many women would not respond to fliratation by someone they found attractive. They might not take it any further but it is a bit of an ego booster.

 

3) You can usually tell in the first initial meeting and conversation whether there is something worth pursuing. Looks are important, but someone can still be "the right type" and an utter moron. I would say if I found him physically attractive, enjoyed conversing with him and found him intellectually stimulating, then that is the "deciding factor". However, deciding whether I want to develope a physical relationship with him will depend on the chemistry and, as you suggested, how good the kiss was. There is nothing worse than a bad kisser. Moreover, if the connection is artificial the kiss will show this - either one party won't be as involved or they might be 'too' involved (ie all tongue is a sign that they're just after sex and not just being affectionate with you).

 

Hope that helped!

[HokeyReligions]

Do you not want opinions of more mature women? Or do you think that older women don't know about dating and signals, etc.?

 

Technology has changed - people and mating rituals have not.

 

Everyone acts and reacts differently. Someone could just be really dense about recognizing signals, others may recognize them but not be interested in the person sending them, so they ignore them.

 

If you like someone and are interested in dating them -- ask them. If someone asks you out and you are not interested, tell them politely and consider their feelings -- put yourself in their place.

 

Common signals, touching you (pat on the back or shoulder); brushing against you when walking by; touching themselves (hair, face); Fidgeting when they are around you (not knowing what to do w/ their hands, playing with paper or twirling the hair, etc.); Looking directly into your eyes and not looking at you are both positive signals - it's up to you to interpret the body language that goes along with it based on what you know about that person. Dropping hints about themselves in conversation - making sure the other person knows they are available. There are tons more, but these haven't changed in eons. Some people flirt so much that they do it without realizing it and send signals they don't want to send. Some people are not interested in another person, but only interested to see if they've "still got it" when it comes to flirting. Some like to flirt just for flirtings sake. That's why I said, be honest and ask.

 

I love to flirt, but I also make sure that whoever I'm flirting with knows that I'm NOT available. It's really just light-hearted banter, but a couple of times people did . Back when I was single I used all the above "signals" and noticed them in others too. My response / line was: "do you know if there is anything good on TV Saturday night?" Which allowed them to either ask me out, or tell me whats on TV. It never failed!

 

If I had made a commitment to someone to go steady, then I would NOT respond to someone else. If I felt that another person might be better for me than I would discuss it with the person I was going steady with and then make a decision. Only one time did I break up with someone for that reason, although several times people broke up with me for that reason. But hey, par for the course.

 

The deciding moment came in conversation when we were talking about our priorities in life. We just seemed to mesh together perfectly. We hadn't even kissed yet, but because we had so much in common and felt so close to each other, when we did finally kiss it was wonderful. But it wasnt' the deciding moment. The Conversation was.

[Grand76]

You're right Bronte, guys are bad at reading signals, that's true; hopefully, I'm not at the very bottom in the knowledge of that language. However, a flick of the hair or a suggestive glance are too subtle. Eye contact, and conversational exchange are good. (I thought that crossing anything was a no-no.) I'd consider a touch to be a definite sign of interest. So maybe blatantly obvious is not exactly the answer, but if a woman is interested what's the harm?