Am I too controlling?

[Guest]

I have been married to my husband for almost 5 years and have had this problem ever since. My H is in the ARMY which taked him away from home for long periods of time. Right now he is in another state for schooling and on the weekends wants to go out with "the guys" and stays out til 3 am.

 

When he is home, we normally go to a neighbor's house and party til about midnight. Well, while he is gone, he expects me to come home from the neighbor's at 8:30 to put the kids to bed and then go to sleep myself or just sit around by myself. I don't think it's fair that he wants me to do this but it's ok for him to stay out even later at a bar. He tells me it would be different if he were home because he doesnt want to go out when he's with me.

 

And that he would much rather be sitting at home with me then at a bar, but he's in another state and he is just trying to pass the time. Then he says a wife shouldn't want to be out while her husband is gone anyway.

 

However, I am not going out to a bar, just next door. I dont think he understands how incredibly lonely it gets when you're left alone with 2 young kids and 3 months pregnant. I am pretty much at home all week alone, unless I need to go to the store, so the weekends is all I have to talk to another adult.

 

Whenever he leaves, he is with other adults he can talke to all the time and doesnt really have that "lonely" feeling. I know he is home sick when he is away and I greatly appreciate the sacrifices he makes being away from us and home, but I think he should be more understanding of my situation too.

 

He is out at a bar that is 2 hours away from his barracks right now as I write this and will probably be spending money on a hotel, instead of going to a bar near his room so he wont have to waste more money. His excuse for that is the bars nearby arent very fun. I get even more pissed when he tells me he is going to the other town.

 

Am I crazy? He says that the other guys wives dont care if they go out or where and thinks I should lighten up. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.......

[RecordProducer]

He has no right to tell you what to do. Apparently being pregnant puts certain boundaries on your cheating opportunities. You have a right to spend the evening with a neighbor.

 

I don't like the idea of you leaving the children alone at home. Maybe that's what your husband is bothered by!

[Island Girl]

Marriage is a two way street - I'm kind of in the same boat you are as far as being alone.

 

My husband is 5,000 miles away so it is just me and the dogs here. -- Kind of like having toddlers.

 

My husband doesn't like me to go out because he is an extremely jealous man, however, when this has reared it's head I have always taken the proactive stance of questioning his love for me if he'd want me sitting around with no one to talk to all day everyday. He backs up really quick.

 

There is nothing wrong with going to your neighbors house. Do so. Enjoy your time -- it is the only break you get from "just kids".

 

Turn it around on him if he tries to tell you that you shouldn't. Tell him you thought he loved you and that he would want you to have friends - and that he must not care about your feelings that much if all he wants for you is to be alone and sad all day everyday.

[Guest]

He has no right to tell you what to do. Apparently being pregnant puts certain boundaries on your cheating opportunities. You have a right to spend the evening with a neighbor.

 

I don't like the idea of you leaving the children alone at home. Maybe that's what your husband is bothered by!

 

 

My kids come with me to play with the neighbor's kids and on some occasions, if they want to go to sleep early, I will bring them home and put them to sleep and turn the baby moniter on so I can hear if they wake up.