Breaking up after 5,5 years...

[asos]

This is my first post here, I was desperate for advice , something new not what my friends have to say maybe.

 

I Just broke up with my girl after 5,5 years, she was my first relationship, and I was hers. We were 16 and we are now 21. We have been through many problems and due to immaturity we "broke up" a million times. This one is the real deal though. I have no power to write actually. I ... just feel empty, I cant think my self without her.

 

Logically this relationship would lead nowhere and it was harmfull for both of us. But what is logical about love anyway. The image of her being with someone else makes me want to puke. I mean, I grew up with this girl. I dont know what to say. I just need support, anything from anyone appreciated.. Sorry for my poor english.. thx

[Cossette4]

I'm sorry.

 

I'm going through the same thing. Boyfriend of 5 years and 4 months broke up with me and then a week later started dating my total opposite. We started dating at 16 and 17, so neither of us had ever had any other real relationships or real loves before.

 

It's insane to see him with another person, and it hurts from so many different directions:

 

It's your first love and your first break up.

 

There's so much time invested.

 

It started at a young age, so you feel like your formative years were shaped by this person and now they are out of your life.

 

And in my case, I have to deal with seeing him with another girl right away (who is reaaaaallllly skanky and low in character) and wondering if it's a rebound or if he moved on.

 

I've been going through this for 8 months now. I haven't keeled over yet, so apparently we can survive.

 

DON'T CALL, DON'T EMAIL, DON'T STALK. You'll regret it later.

 

Read my other threads--people gave me really good advice, and I've also responded to posts of people who were in relationships for 5+ years, so you can read their stories too.

[mattie2007]

i too have been through break ups where i felt the way you feel, op. my last break up made me miserable: i felt sick, lost 25 pounds, cried my eyes out for quite a while, lost alot of sleep...it was a mess. the following things helped me:

 

1.) visiting family: my family lives very far away, but i made the time and went home for a couple of visits. even though i am almost 26 years old, nobody can make me feel better faster than my mom and dad.

 

2.) joining a gym: i have never been a huge work-out person, but i joined a gym,and it did wonders for me. i really think it would have taken me alot longer to move on if i hadn't been working out. it was a wonderful way to release the anxiety and negative energy.

 

3.) getting therapy: i saw a psychiatrist and got therapy and medication. it was a godsend.

 

4.) going to church.

 

5.) volunteering: i volunteered teaching a law class at an inner city public high school. my problems seemed very small incomparison to those of my students.

 

6.) FRIENDS! i know you don't feel like going out, but make yourself see your friends. go out to dinner, go to a movie. the distraction will help. if you really can't be around people, go to a movie by yourself. it will relax you and help you take your mind off things (and you can treat yourself to a nice big box of candy).

 

that being said, my longest relationships lasted two years each, so i am sure what you are going through is even more difficult than what i went through. i have a few friends who had long term relationships that started in high school, though. they were all devastated when their relationships ended, but EVERY ONE of them has now found someone with whom they are much more compatible. one day (i promise!) you will look back at this from the comfort of a happy,stable relationship, and you will realize that God did you a favor by causing this to end because it freed you up to find the person you were really meant to be with.

 

you will g et through it: we are all here for you!

 

mattie

[Guest]

What can I say people, you already did help a lot, I should now try and find my self, alcohol isnt a good solution anyway

[Guest]

I too, was in a 5 year relationship from the time I was 17 until 22. He was a year older than me. He broke up with me last April ( can't believe it's almost been a year now), and immediately started dating someone else within a month, and is now engaged to her. We stopped speaking after we broke up.

 

It has been a tough year, but I made it and so will you. The first year is always the hardest. Getting used to life without the person who was there every single day for so long is the worst part. I spent so much time questioning why everything happened, and found that there really was no answer that would ever make me happy. It will take time and determination, but you will learn so much about yourself and grow greatly as a person. I feel like I grew more in the past year than I ever did when I was with him. I know it's what everyone says, but time is the greatest healer. I definitely recommend not talking to her for awhile.

[Mustang1984]

I'm also in the same boat as many of you. My ex who I was with for over 5 years from the age of 17 to 22 broke up with me last October just out of the blue. I know how hard it can be too see them with someone else. I treated my ex very well and did everything for her and for a while after the breakup all she wanted to do was call and rub it in my face about how happy she was and how she was no longer a virgin with her new bf. She must hate me really bad for no reason at all. I went to her myspace page for the first time in a long time a few days ago and saw she had a picture of her with another guy. Boy was I pissed off and sad when I saw that.

 

Like everyone else here has ben saying... Only time can heal. It seems our ex's all have one thing in common on here. We all got abandoned and they found someone else in a matter of days. Meanwhile we were all left to drown in our sorrow and depression while they moved in with and slept with their new partners. It is not normal to be able to get over a long term relationship that fast. Our exs are not normal people. They are very self centered and selfish people who clearly do not care about others. Looking back I can now see how cold hearted my ex really was. For example if we saw a murder or kiddnapping on the news she would say " Good for them they got what they deserved". How can you be happy that someone was killed or kidnapped! She was clearly mentally disturbed and anone who can just get over a 5,6,7 year relationship like that is as well.

 

We are all truely better people than our exs becuase the fact that we hurt so much shows that we are caring and loving people. In the end we will all be happier people and better off than they are, becuase we have the skills to make a real realtionship work.

 

Like Cossette4 said, dont call, email, or stalk. I tried keeping in contact and tried to be a friend, but it didnt work. All she wanted to do was talk about how happy she was with her new bf who was a total loser druggie highschool dropout. Its best to just let time take its course. Use your friends for support and everytime she comes into your head, quickly try and think of something else.