Chasing Tail, but It Is Possibly My Own.

[Guest]

My apologies if this is on the wrong section of the site. I'm rather confused about the situation as it stands, so it's hard to post it on the right board.

 

As background, I was previously heavily involved with/engaged to a man ten years older than myself when I was 18. I never informed my parents (who are not the most stable and balanced individuals) of the affair, nor will I. The relationship ended with us parting closest of friends, but after a year, he severed contact unexpectedly to pursue another woman, despite assurances he would continue to speak to me. I therefore lost my best friend, and when he did not contact me for my birthday or Christmas, I sank into a deep blue funk.

 

Mid-January, I finally started to rid myself of every impulse to call him or try to email him. I finally came out of the depression and moved on (started to, anyway).

 

I started to talk to a man, this time six years older than myself, through the church -- he is musical talent while I'm a secretary. We'd been friendly in the past but never hung out. He took me out for lunch and we enjoyed each other's company. We then decided to go out on a date that Friday.

 

The date went very well. However, in retrospect, perhaps I spoke too much of my own uneasy homelife and what had happened to me in regard to my past relationship. I've spent the last few days obsessing over how I really shouldn't have said things, such as "I think I'm the only sane person in my familiy" and mean it. >< Or, for that matter, tell him how far in wedding planning I had been previously.

 

He did not seem to be too bothered, however, and in fact, at my request, he discussed some of his previous relationships as well. I think he could tell that I was still very young in regard to relationships (the one I mentioned before was the only one I had had). We ended the date by necking in my kitchen. He was not certain if he wished to pursue a relationship with me -- he would, however, be honest with me no matter what. I had told him that I tended to play for keeps. Regardless, the whole affair was very affectionate with lots of smiles.

 

After a brief meeting two days later, he seemed a bit distant, though we did talk and laugh a bit. The following day, he took me out to coffee and explained to me that he could see I wanted a boyfriend -- he simply wasn't the man for that. I accepted this (sadly) and we joked on the way back to his place of work.

 

After thinking things over, I decided to pursue him for a casual relationship. No longer for keeps; I had realized that I had grown up too fast and gotten too serious over relationships. I wanted to see this man and probably have a physical relationship without commitment. I wrote him an email stating this, as well as explaining what prompted this change of course (realization of being so young and yet being so serious). I also made it clear that it would his decision to head forward or stay as we were as friends, but I did say I wanted a response. I withheld from sending it until I saw him again in public to essentially prove I wasn't barking mad or overly distraught by his rejection.

 

Two days later, I sent the email after we seemed to get on well at work. I have not received a response to this at all. I don't even know if he has read it yet. In my impatience, I sent him a text, asking if he was up for drinks or coffee. He declined, stating he would see me Sunday. I knew he was previously scheduled for a performance; I'm not one to be stupid or to play the part, so I replied, "Ok. If Sunday doesn't work out because of (insert commitment here), then during the week. Take care."

 

I did see him briefly that Sunday on his way out. However, rather than rapidly excuse himself when I stopped him at the door, he did stop to explain the circumstances as to his departure. I was quick to say, "I understand, I'll see you later this week." I'm not very good at reading men, so I don't know if he was being polite and desperately trying to get away, or if he was just honestly in a rush but felt I deserved an explanation.

 

I plan on calling him Wednesday or Thursday of this week and booking a theatre show -- we agreed we should do that, relationship or not, on Monday. My question is, is this a correct course of action? Have I been too obsessed with him and doing too much chasing? And should I ask about the email over the phone and if necessary explain myself?