Am I retarded for waiting for her??..

[tanbark813]

In the past month I've had a few posts about my ex and I going back and forth about reconciling things. I still love her and she apparently is still in love with me. I care about her too much to not give it another shot, but there's a bit of a snag.

 

She got back with this other guy that she met after me for whatever reason. She says he's like a best friend to her but she realized she isn't in love with him, but she knows that she has to end it and when she does she'll most likely lose him as a potential friend.

 

But most of this guy's family is on the other side of the country. His grandmother is in the hospital and I guess his sister is really sick as well. Plans were already made for the Holidays and my ex doesn't want to leave him now because of all of this.

 

I told her that I can't go back and forth about us anymore and I need to know what she really wants so basically I sent her a long email yesterday saying that if she promised me she would leave him immediately following New Year's to be with me than I would wait. I mean, it's only a month anyway. But if she couldn't make that kind of promise then I know she doesn't really love me and we're not meant to be.

 

She replied back with an overwhelmingly definite yes and was thrilled when I spoke to her over email and on the phone. She couldn't believe I was willing to do that for her and said that I made her Thanksgiving. I'm leaving today for the weekend, but when I get back we're going to discuss everything in person as well.

 

I'm honestly not bothered by the situation and I do care about her, but I wonder if I'm just being blinded by my feelings here....

 

Am I crazy?

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Am I crazy?"

 

Crazy, yes! However, you would have to undergo a battery of tests to confirm if you were retarded.

 

So she's going to spend the very special holidays with somebody she's not even going to be around afterwards??? She loves you so much she's going to spend the holidays with somebody else she doesn't care that much about and leave the love of her life all by himself. Sorry, I don't buy it, I don't buy her motives, it stinks from start to finish. What she is doing is fraud...and I don't really know which one of you she is defrauding...we'll find out on that after the holidays.

 

I personally wouldn't have anything to do with a woman who would conspire to perpetrate such a cruel hoax on somebody during the holidays. It's dishonest, a complete lie, to spend Christmas and New Years holidays....the most special time of the year....with somebody you have full intentions of leaving.

 

It's also cruel, rude, and purely mean to stay away from someone during the holidays who is most special to you just to make somebody you're fixing to dump feel good. I want to throw up so bad but I have to eat something first.

 

YOU WRITE IN YOUR POST: "...I sent her a long email yesterday saying that if she promised me she would leave him immediately following New Year's to be with me than I would wait. I mean, it's only a month anyway. But if she couldn't make that kind of promise then I know she doesn't really love me and we're not meant to be."

 

Oh, so you had to give her an ultimatum and she was sssoooooo happy...that was cool. She was real happy because you gave her one more month to make sure this other guy is right for her...cool. You made it really easy for her. So if she gets some nice presents from him at Christmas, has a nice time, has a real romantic New Years and gets a giant kiss from him at midnight on New Years, she can come back after the holidays and tell YOU to kiss her butt...she's changed her mind.

 

And just what kind of logic tells you that if she couldn't make that kind of promise then you know she doesn't really love you??? Women who make promises like that are sadistic bitches. Here she knows you love her, yet she's going to spend the holidays with somebody else and his whole giant family. Go take a cold shower or soak in ice water. This girl is danger with hair on it!

 

She has a lot of loose screws...and perhaps you ought to tighten some of your own. This is a real joke!!!

 

Yeah, right, she's still in love with you...for sure...yeah, yeah.....

 

I think I'll puke on an empty stomach....what do they call that, the dry heaves...or something like that.

 

Best wishes for a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

[midori]

...maybe all three?

 

Tony said most of what needs to be said. I'll just add this: a person who wants to be in a relationship with you will put you first. She would certainly put your needs and feelings before those of the guy who is, basically, your competitor for her affections. Asking you to be understanding about this sorry guy she's been seeing, and to accommodate her inexplicable sense of obligation to him, is breathtakingly self-absorbed. Um, where's her concern for your happiness, your well-being? Where's your concern for the same?

 

I don't know what kind of drama she's got in motion, but it sure doesn't seem to have your best interests at heart, nor to have even CONSIDERED them. Which suggests to me that she is not a good person to get involved with.

 

And while what she's doing might SEEM to be nice, "martyring" herself out of pity for a guy she's not in love with just so he won't have to go through the holidays alone, I'll bet there's more to it than that. Plans for the holidays were made -- what kind of plans? Plans she doesn't want to miss out on, apparently. Maybe he's bought her a fabulous xmas gift that she wants to get her hands on before she dumps him. And what about the fact that, although the poor guy doesn't know it, he's going to be dumped in a month's time? So is she going to say to him, "look, I made up my mind more than a month ago, I just didn't want to abandon you before xmas?" Great, then he can suffer with the knowledge that the last month of shared affection and happiness was a figment of his imagination. Always feels good.

 

I'd run from this one.

[tanbark813]

I'm not really trying to justify anything here, just adding a little more clarification. This guy also supposedly is in love with my ex which is part of the reason for sticking through the Holidays. And his parents made plans to fly in for Thanksgiving and these emails all took place the day before Thanksgiving so I can see wanting to keep those plans.

 

Knowing her, I would guess that she changes her mind on the whole thing one way or another. I would guess she either gets impatient and breaks up with this guy before Christmas anyway, or she changes her mind afterwards and doesn't get back together with me. I'm fully aware of the changes that could take place in the next month and even though promises have been made, nothing is set in stone and I know things can fall through. I'm still playing it by ear as the weeks progress.

 

Lastly, it's not like I'm taking myself off the market anyway. I can still have my fun while I wait things out. Besides, it's not like she could get mad at me for that anyway while she's with someone else.

[Tony T]

No matter what color paint you use or what size brush, this picture is rotten through and through. It's just not what the stuff of romance is made of. It just plain sucks!

[tanbark813]

Dammit, I was hoping at least one person would think it was sweet and amazing and romantic for me to be willing to do that for someone, but it's starting to look like I've just had too many brain cells killed by beer.

[Tony T]

I think you're the greatest guy on the planet to be so kind and understanding as to let the love of your life screw another guy over the holidays, travel to be with him and his family because she feels sorry for him, with the understanding that she will dump him right after New Years in order to be with you.

 

I think you have excellent judgement of women and character and I feel that you could hardly have selected a kinder, more wonderful lady to so keenly accomodate men she says she doesn't care for and leave the guy she "says" she loves all alone during the holidays.

 

You're a very lucky man and I wish you a lifetime of bliss with this lady, whether she dumps your butt or not. At least you can be friends with a woman of great moral scruples.

 

And, if she has told the other guy she's going to dump in after the holidays in favor of you...fully disclosed that fact to him...I would say you are the luckiest guy EVER on planet earth.

 

Now there....you got what you wanted.

 

Happy Holidays!!!

[tanbark813]

lol... Alright, Tony, point taken..

 

Dammit.