Moose Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 So if it never has been Moose, and you still married her, what's the problem?That was an oooops......hit the, "submit reply" too soon. "Never has been"........since about after our first year of marriage nearly 20 years ago..... Seriously, before then, she'd wear me out!!! As soon as year 2 hit......the, "honeymoon", was over..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 AHA! There you have it! If she gave her husband everything he wanted he would have no reason treat her like a queen! Not true as a generalized statement..... now that my H is on the ball he gets even more from me. I go out of my way to please him..... more than ever. and he was treated like a king..... I did it all. People get in the habit of becoming takers and givers.... both need to be givers. My h was a habitual taker...... me a habitual giver. Some women and men choose not to meet their partners needs... CHOOSE. It is a choice. If they continue to choose not to meet your needs..... they need to be kicked to the curb. They are selfish, unyielding, stubborn, and will not change. How many married couples have sat down and asked "how can I make you happy?" What can I do to show you that I care about you? Is there something else that I can do for YOU? Try it..... it is wonderful. This usually does not come up until divorce is smack in the face.... why not do it from the start? Start now. No need to wait for a blow up..... and no need to make it into a big heavy.... as simple as asking "what would you like for dinner tonight?" Link to post Share on other sites
Ripples Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Moose, ah I see, thanks for explaining. Link to post Share on other sites
mockeryjones Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 If you look back at my original post, you'll note the the guy flops himself on the couch and does nothing after work. I'm just expanding on my story. expanding your story after the fact is not fair game. you set initial conditions which i addressed. you did not specify anything beyond those initial conditions. Moose's interpretation was just as valid and a hell of a lot more representative from what i have seen on the boards when men complain about not getting enough. and more to the point your initial conditions did not describe the type of man that just sits around. your specified that the man maintains the house and the yard (which is just as much work if not more than standard indoor house work). so yes when the man gets back after his 10 hour work day and 40 minute commute he absolutely has the right to expect that his wife will still put out. if she can't deal with that then maybe she needs to get a job so that his load can be lightened and he can afford to spend more time at home doing what she expects of him above and beyond the traditional provider role. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Some women and men choose not to meet their partners needs... CHOOSE. It is a choice. If they continue to choose not to meet your needs..... they need to be kicked to the curb. They are selfish, unyielding, stubborn, and will not change. How many married couples have sat down and asked "how can I make you happy?" What can I do to show you that I care about you? Is there something else that I can do for YOU? I so agree with this my SO and I do it. Also I would say reconzining how your behavior effects you partner is key. But this takes a certain level of self awarness & accountability & empathy that a lot of people do not posses Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 Geesh, A4A, I think you got my post wrong... really, I was agreeing with you...really, I can ask my husb if he gets enough Bj's and the answer will be yes,,, I know, I have asked him... we have a very open line of communication when it comes to our sex life..and I know for sure he is getting enough..he is the first to say it..he has made comments about his friends and their comments about not getting enough sex, or boring sex, and that he feels sorry for them. It takes two to have good sex...and we both work at it, we both like it and we both look forward to it.. we aren't missing anything here. Now, if he was a fat lazy ass sitting on the sofa with his down his boxers, drinking beer after beer, ordering me around like a maid... the story might be different...but, he realizes that there's nothing sexier than unloading the dishwasher, helping to fold the clothes and sharing the household chores...so I have time to share my feelings intimately with him and him with me..it's a two way street. It's all the eye to eye communication that keeps us affectionate with each other, the mind reading and mind loving that takes place...we're both on the same page. If a spouse is withholding sex...there's a reason...either the husb isn't doing his part or the wife isnt' doing her part...it might be health, it might be stress..or it might be that one treats the other disrepectfully in other areas of the marriage. I have seen it all too clearly...the man stomps around, ordering his wench wife to be the perfect wife, clean the house, cook, take care of the kids, do the finances, maintaining a full time job, doing everything alone..while the husb does whatever the h*ll he wants and when he wants... ya think that turns on a woman? It doesn't...and that can be reversed as well...the wife can be the demanding house stomper and the husb is doing it all alone..including supporting the family. Like I said..its a two way street..and a marriage has to be shared and there has to be ultimate respect and care for each other... It's not always all about a guys dick.. if he wants it slobbed,,he needs to do his part in the marriage as well. It's not always about me making him feel good...he has to make me feel good too. ehh I was replying to multiple posts and pullin' your leg a bit...... But when you have two people using "I would blow ya if you treated me better" and the man saying "I would treat you better if you blowed me" That is not ever going to solve it...... One of them has to get in there and give first... one has to do the work to repair it and if need be use a heavy hand when doing so. Each situation is different..... dealing with individuals. I see so much stubborness........ I am going to close my legs cuz he doesn't help with the dishes..... Are you sure he knows you need help with the dishes???? Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Excellent post A4A - !! Thanks for finally being the one to uncomplicate the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Seriously, before then, she'd wear me out!!! As soon as year 2 hit......the, "honeymoon", was over..... I wonder why this happens. It seems to happen in a lot of marriages. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 expanding your story after the fact is not fair game. you set initial conditions which i addressed. you did not specify anything beyond those initial conditions. Moose's interpretation was just as valid and a hell of a lot more representative from what i have seen on the boards when men complain about not getting enough. and more to the point your initial conditions did not describe the type of man that just sits around. your specified that the man maintains the house and the yard (which is just as much work if not more than standard indoor house work). so yes when the man gets back after his 10 hour work day and 40 minute commute he absolutely has the right to expect that his wife will still put out. if she can't deal with that then maybe she needs to get a job so that his load can be lightened and he can afford to spend more time at home doing what she expects of him above and beyond the traditional provider role. If the man comes home and flops himself on the couch, that means he does nothing else during the weekdays. I will rescind the beer statement because not all guys drink beer. Raising two children and doing everything at home by herself is no easy task. Would some simple affection/adult conversation and help when the man comes home be too difficult to accommodate? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 One of them has to get in there and give first... one has to do the work to repair it and if need be use a heavy hand when doing so. Is it always the woman's responsibility to give first? Link to post Share on other sites
mockeryjones Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Raising two children and doing everything at home by herself is no easy task. Would some simple affection/adult conversation and help when the man comes home be too difficult to accommodate? except you already stated that she doesn't do everything at home by herself. her husband takes care of the yard, does home repair, and puts in 50 to 60 hours a week to afford that home. and simple affection/adult conversation would be a great deal easier to accomodate if the husband had a reasonable belief that it would get him laid. however, on the boards we can see again and again that when a woman is withholding or otherwise not interested in sex even these efforts will not get him laid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 I don't mean to brag, but I think that I would qualify for, "treating my wife well", not only on special occasions, but during the normal week as well. I will say that when someone says they want to walk up and slap my wife upside the head because she's not meeting, "my" needs........I get a little defensive on her part. How do we know for sure that it's ENTIRELY her fault? Sure.....I would absolutely love for my wife to take a4a's advice......but that's just NOT my wife.......it's not her character to do things like that.....never has been.... :lmao: what is she allergic to sex? You are now making excuses for her choosing to not meet your needs..... you are not into poking her with hot branding irons or anything else she fears during sex are you? She is choosing not to be intimate with you. Is it your fault?...... ask her... point blank. Do I not treat you right? What can I do to make you happy? A couple of conclusions I can draw. pick one that suites your situation. She is selfish. You are just an easy meal ticket and she knows you're not going any place. She no longer finds you physically attractive. She desires someone else. You are not meeting her needs and you refuse to see that, and she doesn't have the balls to tell you. Because you will refuse to believe it. You suck in bed (sorry but it does happen) Something happened to her in the past and this could be a seriously rooted deep issue. She is super pissed at you and has not forgiven you. as for slapping her upside the head..... that is to knock some sense into her.... sheesh don't take everything so literal. And I did not post this in regards to Mrs. Moose it was a general observation. (to clarify more, I am not saying any of this with any form or intention of disrespect, I know how sensitive you are with me) cuz deep down you and I - probably are soul mates (ok that was a joke, but I am sure you are laughing too) :) :) Moose wouldn't it be great to have her throw you against the wall and suck your head down your neck hole? :love: It can happen....... you just have to be willing to find a way to get her to do it...... which may mean changing how you think. You already stated she is not that kind of person...... maybe you are part of the reason she is not..... maybe your prudishness is having an effect? Just a thought.... Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Is it always the woman's responsibility to give first? No you're right .. sulk and whine some more when he comes home and above all do NOT let him so much as see you naked. That'll open him up for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 It's not even so much the sex. It's the feeling of being 'wanted' by our spouse. Us as men, would like nothing more to be looked at by our wives as their 'knight in shining armor', call it ego or whatever you want it's how alot of us guys think. That being said, when we get home the last thing we want is to either be bitched at, whined upon, told how much we are a disappointment, what we didn't do, what we did wrong or sensing the tension in the house and making us wonder what the next fight is going to be about. Treat us like you would your dog, in terms of affection. Treat us nice. Out of all the billions of women in the world, we chose you. We chose you for your personality, please don't change it. Don't become so cold to us, in that it makes it seem like we married the opposite. If we come home and don't get to chores right away, who cares. We are not robots. We are human, just like you. We tire, we feel stress. We look to our wifes as a source of companionship and a way to relieve our stress. When we have to face you and instead face the opposite, putting more stress on our lives it just makes us that much more unpleasant. We look at making love/sex as not only a way to bond with you but as a stress reliever. When that is taken away, along with the unnecessary stress from bad communication then some of us start to go looking elsewhere. We did not marry to serve you, we did not marry to worship you. We married you because of the connection we have with you, physically and emotionally. Don't use sex as a means to try to control us, since there is always someone else out there that has it worse than you and willing to take your place. Using sex in that manner is just as bad as selling it. Don't turn the love we had into a means of control. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 Is it always the woman's responsibility to give first? no this is not a man/woman issue. This is about learning and teaching to give. How hard is it to give to your spouse? why be so stubborn..... who does that serve in the big picture.. Sanctions will not teach another to give you more in a M. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 except you already stated that she doesn't do everything at home by herself. her husband takes care of the yard, does home repair, and puts in 50 to 60 hours a week to afford that home. and simple affection/adult conversation would be a great deal easier to accomodate if the husband had a reasonable belief that it would get him laid. however, on the boards we can see again and again that when a woman is withholding or otherwise not interested in sex even these efforts will not get him laid. Two children and keeping the inside of the house is more than enough for one person to handle. As for giving affection based on getting the return of physical needs, doesn't equate to either real affection or respect as an individual. I'm going to make a guess that some of what's lacking in my example of domestic bliss is above all...respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 No you're right .. sulk and whine some more when he comes home and above all do NOT let him so much as see you naked. That'll open him up for sure. You are right and this is also a two way street. Men need to not be poop heads too. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 no this is not a man/woman issue. This is about learning and teaching to give. How hard is it to give to your spouse? why be so stubborn..... who does that serve in the big picture.. Sanctions will not teach another to give you more in a M. While there are women who are assertive enough to get their points across, there are others who aren't. In many cases with the traditional marriage, there are certain personality types involved. The man has financial control, the woman is there solely to support him. Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 You are right and this is also a two way street. Men need to not be poop heads too. Um .. I was trying to be sarcastic Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 Two children and keeping the inside of the house is more than enough for one person to handle. As for giving affection based on getting the return of physical needs, doesn't equate to either real affection or respect as an individual. I'm going to make a guess that some of what's lacking in my example of domestic bliss is above all...respect. ehh your right a wife should not find 5 minutes for her H. and yes it is showing affection in a way he likes, enjoys, needs. it is an action which shows deep affection for many, maybe not you or some other, but for many it does . Respect is not gained by being a stubborn idiot and choosing not to meet the needs of your spouse. Part of Respect is knowing that your partner has needs and you choose to try to meet them. love admiration respect = trying to meet the needs of your spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
mockeryjones Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Two children and keeping the inside of the house is more than enough for one person to handle. the put the kids in daycare and get a job. no sympathy here. if the wife can't see the luxury she has in being able to watch her kids grow up on an up close and personal basis then she has a seriously unreasonable expectations of what she is entitled to. As for giving affection based on getting the return of physical needs, doesn't equate to either real affection or respect as an individual. I'm going to make a guess that some of what's lacking in my example of domestic bliss is above all...respect. all i can say is you have a great deal to learn about men's sexuality if you reduce to a purely physical need. a purely physical need a man can take care of by himself. it's all the other stuff that goes with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 ehh your right a wife should not find 5 minutes for her H. and yes it is showing affection in a way he likes, enjoys, needs. it is an action which shows deep affection for many, maybe not you or some other, but for many it does . Respect is not gained by being a stubborn idiot and choosing not to meet the needs of your spouse. Part of Respect is knowing that your partner has needs and you choose to try to meet them. love admiration respect = trying to meet the needs of your spouse. So spread 'em, so you can get respect? Link to post Share on other sites
mockeryjones Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 So spread 'em, so you can get respect? bluntly, from a husbands view, yes. giving sex will yeirld respect and affection. the more sex you have the more affection and respect you will enjoy. Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 So spread 'em, so you can get respect? Interesting .. do you think you're getting more respect by closin' em? Do you think you're losing respect by making love to him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 While there are women who are assertive enough to get their points across, there are others who aren't. In many cases with the traditional marriage, there are certain personality types involved. The man has financial control, the woman is there solely to support him. well she needs to grow some balls and make her needs known in a way he understands. or she needs to shut up and ride her meal ticket and do what he says. He needs to find out what her needs are if his are not being met because hers are not being met. Quite simple. good golly I am having a Jack and Diet for lunch .... this is outta control :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
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