Trialbyfire Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 the put the kids in daycare and get a job. no sympathy here. if the wife can't see the luxury she has in being able to watch her kids grow up on an up close and personal basis then she has a seriously unreasonable expectations of what she is entitled to. all i can say is you have a great deal to learn about men's sexuality if you reduce to a purely physical need. a purely physical need a man can take care of by himself. it's all the other stuff that goes with it. But if the woman does this, how is this more attractive to the traditional man? If anything, this is two separate mentalities. So you are saying that the man wants her to respect, admire and want him, after she's exhausted from her day slogging away with the kids, keeping a perfect house and making meals for her spouse who comes home and flops on the couch? Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 So spread 'em, so you can get respect? It's not about spreading 'em It is about participating in a loving intimate act with your husband. The guy you pledged you life too.. Men equate sex with affection & love. If you withhold sex from your husband you are withholding affection and he will feel unloved and that is a dangerous place to be in., And if you can't talk to you husband about your needs & his needs than you marriage is in some serious trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 well she needs to grow some balls and make her needs known in a way he understands. or she needs to shut up and ride her meal ticket and do what he says. He needs to find out what her needs are if his are not being met because hers are not being met. Quite simple. good golly I am having a Jack and Diet for lunch .... this is outta control :lmao: :lmao: See, that's just it. Many women who are in traditional marriages don't have this mindset. If they had an assertive mindset, most of those women are working and in careers. Of course again, there are exceptions to all generalizations. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 It's not about spreading 'em It is about participating in a loving intimate act with your husband. The guy you pledged you life too.. Men equate sex with affection & love. If you withhold sex from your husband you are withholding affection and he will feel unloved and that is a dangerous place to be in., And if you can't talk to you husband about your needs & his needs than you marriage is in some serious trouble. It's a dangerous place to be in, for the man to withhold affection and respect so he can get some. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 But if the woman does this, how is this more attractive to the traditional man? If anything, this is two separate mentalities. So you are saying that the man wants her to respect, admire and want him, after she's exhausted from her day slogging away with the kids, keeping a perfect house and making meals for her spouse who comes home and flops on the couch? yes because he is exhausted from working 60 hours a week to support his family. In life everyone is exhausted. Most people work really hard. and are tired at the end of the day. But you need to make time for each other & communicate. So if somethign is not working you both know and can fix it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 So spread 'em, so you can get respect? No if you respect your "man"..... why would you not want to give to him? One partner has to take the high road and give in a bit. by shutting down on your partner..... no more flowers, hugs, or romance does that show a wife affection respect admiration...... no. So what is the problem with sex if some men view that as true affection and an act of love and respect? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 yes because he is exhausted from working 60 hours a week to support his family. In life everyone is exhausted. Most people work really hard. and are tired at the end of the day. But you need to make time for each other & communicate. So if somethign is not working you both know and can fix it. I'll again stress that many women within a traditional marriage have a differing mindset. They are chosen by traditional men for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 It's a dangerous place to be in, for the man to withhold affection and respect so he can get some. You're not getting the point for most men it is not just getting some it is above about express thier love and being intimate with thier wife. I mean why even marry if your not going to have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 But if the woman does this, how is this more attractive to the traditional man? If anything, this is two separate mentalities. So you are saying that the man wants her to respect, admire and want him, after she's exhausted from her day slogging away with the kids, keeping a perfect house and making meals for her spouse who comes home and flops on the couch? The guy who flops on the couch, if his day is like a typical working man's day, spent 1-2 hours in traffic and 8 or more hours engulfed in neon lights at his cubicle. I know it seems maybe like he was relaxing during that time .. but he wasn't trust me. He's busting his ass so you can stay home with the kids. Are rare priviliedge these days. I know it's not easy taking care of a house and kids .. but you're spared office politics, a boss on your ass all day, and honking horns all day. You're spending the day with your loved ones and on your own terms. And unless your hubby is a tyrant, you get to make your own decisions about your day. Trust me, your husband would rather be fishing. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Is it always the woman's responsibility to give first? Why the hell not? What's wrong with giving first even giving second, third, fourth and fifth if in the end what it does is make the marriage a happy one for both people? I'm totally with a4a here. Enjoy sex. That's what it's for!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 No if you respect your "man"..... why would you not want to give to him? One partner has to take the high road and give in a bit. by shutting down on your partner..... no more flowers, hugs, or romance does that show a wife affection respect admiration...... no. So what is the problem with sex if some men view that as true affection and an act of love and respect? It's a vicious circle, isn't it? How many traditional men forget about the romance of flowers and other things, once their wives have had kids? Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 I'll again stress that many women within a traditional marriage have a differing mindset. They are chosen by traditional men for a reason. what is this traditional marriage you are talking about. Just because a woman stays home doesn't mean she is subservant. No my grandma was a STAHM in the forties and she has no prolbem telling my grandpa what she needs. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Insantity: Doing the same thing over & over, expecting different results. Continue to withhold affection, love and sex. Then keep crying about how you are being mistreated and how you thought things would eventually change. Get over your stubborness and try to be nice and try to meet his needs. It's not about control. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 See, that's just it. Many women who are in traditional marriages don't have this mindset. If they had an assertive mindset, most of those women are working and in careers. Of course again, there are exceptions to all generalizations. well if they are in the traditional marriage and wanted that and signed up for it they need to stop bitching or do something about it. They are not weak helpless creatures. With sex sanctions as their only means to barter. They already signed a contract to do the wife duties...... in trade they get food and shelter. Divorce is always an option. Or are they kept in a damp dark basement and never allowed to see the light of day. I am sure they watch lifetime and at least have an idea about the real world. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 It's a vicious circle, isn't it? How many traditional men forget about the romance of flowers and other things, once their wives have had kids? How many wives pout sulk and say "nothing" when asked what is wrong? How many wives actually talk to their husbands and tell them how they feel in a way a man can understand? I think many women prefer to build up a pile of resentment ammo and just spout off to look like a martyr. How hard is it to say " I am not happy and I want to fix this"..... not that hard. So many women/men choose to be resentful and just blame...... maybe because if it came to the surface they know that they could not be the only one to blame for the M problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 I find this discussion interesting because I'm not a stay-at-home mother, nor will ever be. In all honesty, I've had difficulty understanding why anyone would ever want to be 100% financially reliant. I've always been a career person and would rather someone slit my throat than be a traditional little woman. As I get more into this discussion, it's interesting to see how different people perceive the role of a stay-at-home mother, myself included. It's easy to say, be assertive but if you're not, it can easily be the most difficult thing in your life, especially when someone has all the power and you basically are beholden to them. While I've never withheld sex in my life because it's something I enjoy, I can see why it can be a way for a traditional woman to regain the power balance in the relationship, particularly with an emotionally negligent husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 .. would rather someone slit my throat than be a traditional little woman .. Unbelievable. So leave your children in a day care center? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Unbelievable. So leave your children in a day care center? I have no kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 Excellent post A4A - !! Thanks for finally being the one to uncomplicate the issue. hey why don't you blow me? :p :lmao: oh I guess I am not meeting your needs! Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 hey why don't you blow me? :p :lmao: oh I guess I am not meeting your needs! Bring me flowers and I promise to maybe think about it .. Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 I have no kids. Ok, so you have no idea what you're talking about .. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 Bring me flowers and I promise to maybe think about it .. no way...... no flowers until you start blowing me! Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 It's a vicious circle, isn't it? How many traditional men forget about the romance of flowers and other things, once their wives have had kids? And how many women forget about the the unadulterated lust they had for their husband, and IT's importance once they have a home? Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 no way...... no flowers until you start blowing me! Ok, just leave the flowers on the table on your way out .. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Ok, so you have no idea what you're talking about .. I have some friends in traditional marriages and some in other types of marriages. I'm reiterating their concerns. Forgive me if I don't have personal experience in this... Link to post Share on other sites
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