oh for cripes sake I am sick of it!

[Erik]

Riddler, I was being a bit coquettish. I was raised in a family with 19 women and 2 men, you pick up the tricks. I worked as a secretary for eight female psychologists, suffragettes to a, uh, woman, and barring the first few months, they never treated me with anything but respect. All my girlfriends bar one, made more money than me. But as I said, this is easier in Denmark, a woman would die rather than admit she was proud of her husbands pay cheque. (The key word being 'admit')

[Erik]

I've done a part time job, it is pure bliss. Can't support a kid on that, though.

[Woggle]

Funny thing is...the women who are like this wonder what is going on when the husband finally stops asking for sex and gets use to the idea that he won't ever get it again.

 

Then all of a sudden, the wife's "needs" aren't being met and she needs to feel special...so she goes out and has an affair. WTF??

 

Some women are never happy no matter what you do. You can give them heaven on a platter and they will claim you don't do enough.

[Erik]

Same with men. A man can be married to the hottest, most gorgeous woman in the world, and still think her tits or feet or whatever, are not really 100% satisfactory. So maybe he doesn't complain about it out loud, but he thinks it.

[a4a]

Some women are never happy no matter what you do. You can give them heaven on a platter and they will claim you don't do enough.

 

At times men are giving the woman the wrong thing...... not always but it does happen.

 

Same with women..... she may think chasing the kids around all day is showing him affection... when what he wants is hot monkey love.

 

This is where communication comes into play.

 

Make them totally aware of your needs - not everyone is a psychic

Let them know it hurts when your needs are not met- they need to know the degree of upset this is causing you.

 

I think this is the part that goes MIA in LTR/M's often.

 

Like I said before if all the info is given and a partner still chooses to ignore/refuse the needs and hurts of the other....... it is not love.

 

I think if my friends requested that they needed me (non sexual) I would do my best to fulfill that.... so why the hell would you not want to or refuse your spouse/partner?

 

Habitual takers, selfish, users, and those that do not really care are probably the people that refuse or ignore the needs of partners after they are well informed and aware of those needs.

 

It is the job of the "needy" partner to inform..... without that they have no right to say that it is their partners fault for not meeting their needs. It is theirs because they did not inform the partner of the need.

 

**************************************************

I was thinking about the guilt/lie I would feel by being intimate with a M partner I did not love. The sexual act would feel like such a lie. I am wondering if so many of these sexless marriages involve people that could choose to have sex but the guilt of the act/lie is so strong it stops them.

 

Pretending that you really cared and wanted them- maybe it is too much for some to handle.

[JackJack]

if a man provides well enough for you that you have the luxury of staying home and watching your kids grow up then you are being treated better than most married mothers in this country.

 

So the women who get to stay home, and have the luxury of doing so as you say, if their husbands beat the crap out of them or verbally/mentally abusive, do they still have it made?

[Scrivdog]

..

 

So the women who get to stay home, and have the luxury of doing so as you say, if their husbands beat the crap out of them or verbally/mentally abusive, do they still have it made? ..

 

Of course not - so what's your point?

[JackJack]

Of course not - so what's your point?

 

 

because the OP of that statement made it out to be, like if a woman has the luxury of staying home and watching her kids grow, being there for them etc, she has no other worries, that should prevent her from doing her sexual duties. Just becasue a woman has the luxury of staying home, doesn't mean shes beter than others who don't. I'm just saying there might be many reasons for why someone does NOT provide sex like the other one wants.

 

So no point really, and it was just the way it came across carry on.

[4whatItsWorth]

And when I read of so many women here who love sex, I wonder where the ones are that don't love sex. These are the ones I want to talk to. These are the ones who I want to PM me. These are the ones who I want to tell me why I have a problem getting through to my wife what our problem is. And if we have a problem that I need to fix, then tell me so that I can fix it, so all is better.

 

I hated sex when I was with a bald, fat and ugly boyfriend. I loved him, but I found him repulsive naked. (It IS possible to find someone unattractive but still being in love with them, actually.) If I gave him a b/j - I'd gagg. And as he started to stop showing me affection - I felt even more repulsed by pleasing him in the bed.

 

From that experience - I do not love sex. I associate sex with having that fat, bald guy on top of me totally ignoring my needs.

 

However, with my fiance now I don't love sex but I'm alright with it. I like pleasing him - but I don't mind about myself. Never had an orgasm, never gotten the hang about what's so great about sex. Could frankly be without it. It's like eating your broccoli because you know it is good for you - even if the taste you could do without. I think, for women who never got the "OMG OMG OMG" out of sex - or have bald, fat men associated with it - we might have a bit of a difficulty feeling like pleasing day and night.

 

I guess when someone treats me well and fullfill my needs - I feel more than happy to pleasure them sexually. However, it takes quite a lot of passion to enlighten my spark.

 

I do not 100% agree on the "sex is love" part. Alright, I give sex if I love the person. However, to me it can become more of an obligation than something that I want to do. And I am pretty sure men would rather have a woman doing them because she WANTS to rather than "because she should".

 

Anyhow, James, talk talk talk to your woman. If you make it more fun and comfortable and enjoyable for her - she'll be more willing to. I know for sure.

[Mz. Pixie]

Great thread A. I couldn't agree more.

[a4a]

holy kiwi fruits....... this thread crawled back out of the LS crypts. :lmao:

[JamesM]

I

I guess when someone treats me well and fullfill my needs - I feel more than happy to pleasure them sexually. However, it takes quite a lot of passion to enlighten my spark.

 

I do not 100% agree on the "sex is love" part. Alright, I give sex if I love the person. However, to me it can become more of an obligation than something that I want to do. And I am pretty sure men would rather have a woman doing them because she WANTS to rather than "because she should".

 

Anyhow, James, talk talk talk to your woman. If you make it more fun and comfortable and enjoyable for her - she'll be more willing to. I know for sure.

 

Thank you for your input. I think you can provide the opposite of what we are always reading...and that is good. (Not that the others are bad, but we need diversity).

 

The association with a fat bald man is a good thing for me to consider. Since my wife was abused, I am sure that there is still some mental images. And unfortunately, I probably won't always know of them.

 

Fulfilling her needs....this is a biggie. knowing what those needs are is 90% of the solution. And I think that I personally don't hear her when she tells. Or so it seems. When I read of the many women here who have orgasm from a breath or a touch, then as was once said, I need to realize that I am not married to one of these.

 

What does my wife get out of sex? Obviously, on occasion, she likes orgasms, but just as often, she likes "cuddle sex." This is where she gtes intimacy from me...hugging, kissing, while she gets the pleasure of satisfying me. This I have learned does not mean I am selfish. Nor does it mean she is not having fun. So, when I am disappointed that she has no orgasm...who am I really trying to satisfy? Her or my ego? Someone sent me a good PM explaining how when I expect or ask for an orgasm from her in order that I have a good time...then what I am actually demanding is a selfish affirmation that I am a macho man. This has nothing to do with her pleasure, but it is all about my pleasure. It is an honest truth that I need to look at.

 

So, when it is about wanting to make her happy, then it may mean that she wants a quickie or she may want a long drawn out session of cuddle sex. What I need to remember is...is she truly having fun? Is she getting what she wants from sex? If she is, then I should be having "good sex." And if it is called "making love"...how should that be defined? If it is all about the performance of both parties, is this love or and evaluation? Making love is mutual satisfaction. And satisfaction for each person is defined by THAT person not by me and what I think she should want.

 

You are right, 4WIW, it is all about talking and communication. And it is all about believing. For me it is still hard to believe that she would not want an orgasm. But many times for her, she is tired and needs sleep. For her an orgasm means work. But she wants to relax and cuddle. It is up to me to listen and learn.

[enoughisenough]

I agree and this is why men should not marry virgins. It is good if you are wife has a sexual history because it shows that she enjoys it and will carry that into the marriage. These innocent little virgins usually turn into the biggest b1tches.

 

 

Gosh that is such a generalization. "Biggest bitches"? Please! I am innocent by those standards but I give everything my husband needs sexually in the relationship. In fact, I think I have more of a sex drive than him now of days. I never had a negative attitude on sex maybe because I was never very religious. Some women are brought up to feel very ashamed about their sexuality and that might have something to do with it.

[enoughisenough]

:lmao:

 

what is she allergic to sex? You are now making excuses for her choosing to not meet your needs..... you are not into poking her with hot branding irons or anything else she fears during sex are you?

 

She is choosing not to be intimate with you. Is it your fault?...... ask her... point blank.

 

Do I not treat you right? What can I do to make you happy?

 

A couple of conclusions I can draw. pick one that suites your situation.

 

She is selfish. You are just an easy meal ticket and she knows you're not going any place.

She no longer finds you physically attractive.

She desires someone else.

You are not meeting her needs and you refuse to see that, and she doesn't have the balls to tell you. Because you will refuse to believe it.

You suck in bed (sorry but it does happen)

Something happened to her in the past and this could be a seriously rooted deep issue.

She is super pissed at you and has not forgiven you.

 

as for slapping her upside the head..... that is to knock some sense into her.... sheesh don't take everything so literal.

 

And I did not post this in regards to Mrs. Moose it was a general observation.

 

(to clarify more, I am not saying any of this with any form or intention of disrespect, I know how sensitive you are with me)

 

cuz deep down you and I - probably are soul mates (ok that was a joke, but I am sure you are laughing too) :) :)

 

Moose wouldn't it be great to have her throw you against the wall and suck your head down your neck hole? :love:

 

It can happen....... you just have to be willing to find a way to get her to do it...... which may mean changing how you think.

 

You already stated she is not that kind of person...... maybe you are part of the reason she is not..... maybe your prudishness is having an effect? Just a thought....

 

 

Maybe she is selfish, but as Moose stated, this is how she ALWAYS was and he STILL married her, so it is not entirely her fault in the marriage. Apparently other things in the relationship overshadowed and were more important than the sex to both of them when they decided to marry. You can't just marry with plans to change your partner.

[Sevenmack]

The problem with these women who withhold sex is that they end up making their men feel guilty for having natural desires for sex and affection. And after a while, the guilt is going to turn into resentment because, after a while, other women will be showering them with attention and make them feel desirable as men. They men will then look at their wives, figure out that they're getting screwed over, and just get mad.

 

One of two things are going to happen as a result: Either they will cheat on their wives -- after all, who wants to spend the rest of their lives without sex -- or they will begin withdrawing other forms of nonsexual affection and attention they were giving to their wives. Either way, a death spiral occurs: The wives either complain about the infidelity without realizing their role in the mess or complain that they're being treated poorly when they've been told ad nauseum that they need to give a little to get a lot. And the relationships end up being dead in spirit even if they are still alive under the eyes of the law.

 

If the women feel that they're not getting their needs met, then they should open their mouths; this is also true for the men. One can anticipate needs or ask about them, but people aren't mindreaders. Each person is obligated to ask for what they want. Period.

 

The one thing that amazes me is that there are women who make it seem as if a man is out of line for expressing his desire for affection and sex, even when the women aren't necessarily interested in fulfilling the urge. The reality is that men are going to want affection and sex; oftentimes it won't be on some set schedule. If you want to make out with your wife in a movie theater, that's what you're going to want to do. It's that simple.

 

This isn't to say that a wife should just roll over and let him bust a nut when he wants. But if you're not in the mood at the moment, figure out some sort of compromise that can satisfy all concerned. If it means giving him a handjob, do it. Or offer to give him a little satisfaction later in the evening or weekend.

[a4a]

Maybe she is selfish, but as Moose stated, this is how she ALWAYS was and he STILL married her, so it is not entirely her fault in the marriage. Apparently other things in the relationship overshadowed and were more important than the sex to both of them when they decided to marry. You can't just marry with plans to change your partner.

 

Well I don't know the whole story but I believe Mrs. Moose was pregnant when they married??????

 

And regardless people grow and change and you have to be willing to compromise, meet changing needs, and acknowledge those needs when they are communicated to you.

 

People can get fat, contract a disease, get ED, go nuts, become a workaholic, alcholic, find jesus, decide to become organic farmers....... changes do happen. You rarely end up with the same partner you married.

[Moose]

Maybe she is selfish, but as Moose stated, this is how she ALWAYS was and he STILL married her, so it is not entirely her fault in the marriage. Apparently other things in the relationship overshadowed and were more important than the sex to both of them when they decided to marry. You can't just marry with plans to change your partner.

No, she wasn't always like this......I've already had to clear that point up once with ripples. We were sex addicts before we got married, and a few years after....then it just dropped off.......and she has been this way ever since, 16 years later.....

Well I don't know the whole story but I believe Mrs. Moose was pregnant when they married??????

Yep....we were in our 2nd tri. when we married.

[Ripples]

Only because you stated that she had always been that way. Please don't make it sound that I misunderstood you.

[Moose]

Only because you stated that she had always been that way. Please don't make it sound that I misunderstood you.

Whoa there ripp......did you get a couple stale marshmellows in your cereal this morning?

 

I don't think it came out that way, you had a very VALID point......And, you've helped me to clear that up....so thanks.....

[Ripples]

It came out exactly in that way. I don't need anything stale to feel motivated to point out inaccuracies with regards to myself.

[Moose]

It came out exactly in that way. I don't need anything stale to feel motivated to point out inaccuracies with regards to myself.

Oh my goodness, gracious...... Get back on topic already.....

[Jersey Shortie]

It's a cycle. Man doesn't get his needs met, he stops meeting hers. Woman doesn't get her needs met, doesn't feel special to him, she stops meeting his.

 

This isn't about just women having to step up to the plate, if guys want more sex, make your SO feel like giving it to you. And if women want more affection from their husbands, make him feel like he wants to do it for you. Simple.

[Ripples]

Perhaps you should take it to PM if you feel that strongly about it. Or maybe you just wanted the last word. Again. Please don't bother with the smilies, I can see the intent behind the words and the emoticons don't hide it.