Does she care?

[davebar]

I would like to hear people's opinions on the following?

 

I have been with my wife 5 years now. I am 35, she is 26. I met her through a lonely hearts ad, she is from eastern europe.

i fell in love with her straight away, she moved over here, we married. She hated were i lived and also hated the fact that i have two kids from a previous relationship.

 

Over time i saw less and less of my kids to please her (she would always sulk and be moody when i saw them) earlier this year we moved to another country, i left behind my kids, my elderly parents and gave up a business (again to please her)

 

last month i had a call from my dad saying my mum was in hospital, i flew home that day. My wife said she would come as soon as possible, although it was clear she did not want too( she has no job or commitments whatsoever).

The next day the doctors told me my mum will die soon from brain cancer, i called my wife in tears to tell her and ask when she would come over. The next two nights my wife went out to parties staying out untill 5am, having a good time.

 

she eventually joins me a week later and even though my mum is dying, she is still moody with me about being back there. she is not affectionate with me, she is cold towards me and has no time for me. right now i could do with someone to comfort me now and again.

 

Am i being overly sensitive, a wimp or is this a sign she does not really care and is just selfish.

[Ally Boo]

Your wife is totally in the wrong. This could cause some major resentment if not hatred.

[Patty]

Sounds like you need to find someone who can treat you better.Your mother is dying with cancer and she wasnt there for you.She was out partying and is just kind of doing what she wants.And you said shes moody.The time you need her most and shes not there for you.

 

This question is very easy: Yes shes very selfish.Only wants you to do things on her time.I really don't think that this will go anywhere.In my opinion I think she is very controlling,after you mentioned you avoided seeing your kids just to please her? Your kids should be your top priority. Plus your family should too.I wonder how you put up with it for 5 years.Im not saying that theres anything wrong with it.I just know I wouldnt put up with it!

 

But something to think about. Do you want to live with someone who's moody,selfish and so controlling that you cant even be with your family? Unless if you think things can change go for it.

 

Good luck!

[Tony T]

You did not fall in love with her...there is no such thing as falling in love with somebody straight away. You were into the lonely hearts ads because you were lonely, vulnerable and you went for the first thing that passed you by and that was a big mistake.

 

You married the wrong woman. She is selfish, self centered and doesn't care about you or your family on top of that. She doesn't have to. You hardly knew her and she hardly knew you when the two of you got together. NOW, you're getting to know the real her.

 

For you to have to make so many life changes, including reducing time with your children, for this worthless scuzbag is tragic. Your children deserve a better father than that. They will be young only once but your wife will be a bitch forever.

 

Think this one out real hard. You can't negotiate stuff like this. If somebody does not care about you and has no consideration, kindness, respect, etc. for you, it just won't magically appear.

 

You made a big booboo. I'm shocked you're just now recognizing this.

[DTV1]

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING WITH THE BIG OR SMALL HEAD?

 

MY WIFE AND I SEPARATED 3 TEARS AGO I HAVE CUSTODY OF MY SONS AND WILL NEVER GIVE IT UP. YOUR KIDS NEED YOU AND YOU have to be there for them. use your brain and not your penis.

I'M A GUY, ITS BEEN HARD, BUT YA KNOW WHAT , THE HUGS AT NITE AND THE I LOVE YOU'S FROM THEM ARE IN SOME WAYS BETTER THAN THE ONES FROM HER.

 

MY KIDS ARE 5 AND 8, THEY NEVER HEAR A BAD WORD FROM ME ABOUT MOMMY BUT SHE WAS HERE TONITE TO PUT THE CHRISTMAS TREE UP AND GUESS WHO THEY THANKED AND HUGGED, YEAH.....ME

 

 

BOB

[witchbreed]

I agree with the above posts. A woman who asks you not to see your kids and you agree? Your kids need you and your wife should understand that and support you. I know, stepchildren arent always easy to handle. My previous partner, father of my 3 kids, had a son from his first wife. He has spent every other weekend and at least two weeks vacation with us every year and from age 11 till 19, our oldest was 2 when he came to live with us, he lived with us. But they are worth the effort.

 

Now I have a live-in boyfriend/fiance and if he wouldnt accept my kids, our relationsship just couldnt work. My kids see their dad every other weekend and spend at least 4 weeks vacation with him. For kids its always hard, not to live with both parents, but it is imperative to see them both regularly. They need to know that you love them and care for them.

 

I believe your wife to be extremly selfish and inmature. To me it sounds like you just are a meal-ticket to the good life in the western world. But your foot down, dont let her rule your life. What I say now, might sound extremly harsh, but to me a woman who behaves that way, completly cold and self-centered, just out for the fun and giving nothing back - except maybe sex - is not that far from a prostitute with an exclusive contract.

 

But its your life, there must be some benefits in this relationsship for your, otherwise you would never have put up with all her demands. Ask yourself if its worth it.

 

Good luck.

[HokeyReligions]

First I want to say I am so sorry to hear about your mum. {{{CYBER HUGS}}} to you. I know how that hurts. You are doing what you need to do and that is to be with your mum and dad and give and take comfort with them. Spend time with your kids -- if there is any animosity between you and their mother -- put it aside for the kids and tell your kids you need them too.

 

As for your wife - I agree with the above posts and I'm so sorry that she is doing this to you. Sometimes when we feel our lonliest we think there is nothing worse and we become vulnerable. You may have fallen in love with her at first because you were so ready to love someone.

 

Have you talked to your wife about how she makes you feel? Without arguing. Her behavior suggests that she does not love you, but she was very young when you two met and married and maybe she needs a wake-up call as to how she is treating you. I'm sorry to say it, but it sounds like you are/were enabling her to treat you this way by sacrificing your home, kids, and parents for her. I know you did it out of love and devotion - but it sent a signal to her that she will get whatever she asks for and she knows how to do it, by sulking and being moody and distant. Take her off her pedestal and let her grow up--even if it means splitting up. You deserve someone who will treat you better and show devotion to YOU and who understands that your kids come first and won't be jealous of them.

 

I just found out yesterday that my mother's kidneys are failing and she has some other major health problems too. She's been living with my husband and I for 4 years now and even though we know the day will come when we lose our parents, we are never really ready for it. I do understand how you feel and if my husband treated me the way your wife is treating you, well I just can't imagine the devastation I would feel. C'mon--lean over and hug your monitor--someone out here in cyber-space is sending you a much needed and deserved hug!

 

{{{{{{{{MORE CYBER HUGS}}}}}}}}}

[Stuck]

I live in Eastern Europe and see this sort of thing happen all the time, so I may have some additional insight. I know someone running a dating agency that specializes in introducing foreign men to local women and have seen the inner workings.

 

There is a certain type of woman here - very different from American or British or "western". They take great pride and care in their appearances (of course not all of them are like this, but a lot of women have found that their beauty is quite marketable and do fully take advantage of it). Appearance becomes pretty much a living for them. They find a wealthy guy - be it a local mobster or a lonely Brit or American and more or less become his property. (At least the local mobsters don't expect anything more than a pretty face - sometimes the foreign men think they might even get love).

 

The foreign men think they've hit the jackpot - this tall, slender gorgeous woman is going to be all his and love him forever, and he's going to do right by her and take her out of this poverty! She's wearing thigh high white boots and a feather boa, and she *loves* him! Yes, no woman who looked like that in his home country would even speak to him, much less marry him. Ever wonder "isn't there a catch to all this?"

 

These sorts of marriages or relationships are business deals, nothing more. The women don't work, won't work, don't have any skills, don't want any skills. They fully well expect to be paid to look nice.

 

Your wife fits the bill to a T. She doesn't have even an inkling of concern for you. Probably there are moments when she's very affectionate, and that's probably right after you've either handed her a wad of cash or bought her something nice. Just try to get her to have a baby - she'll never ruin her figure, forget it. She's probably turned off her feelings and is already hardened to the world. You are a big wallet to her. She's a purchasable good - now send her home marked "damaged goods" and spend time with people who actually love you, before they are gone!!!

[CityGyrl]

I agree with the other comments that this woman does not appear to have your best interest. Why would you allow her to take you away from your family? Someone who truly loved you would have accepted your family with no strings attached. It seems she is more in to having a good time. You need to quickly evaluate this marriage, if you can call it one. If she really cared, she would have been on the same plane back to see your mom.

 

Just think, if she rejected your kids. Then in some way she rejects a part of you. Your kids always should be #1 when it comes to finding a suitable marriage mate. Instead of drawing them closer to you, she took you away from them. She seems to be coldblooded as they come. Apparently, her #1 priority is self. And as long as you continue to put up with this attitude than you are just as much part of the problem than the solution.

[mimi]

So, basically what your saying was, you married some hot young russian mail-order bride, so she could get her green-card, then drag you around the world on your visa bill?

 

Why would you marry someone who "hate's" the fact that you have kids. That's a bit bizzare, but I guess that kind of desperation explains searching for love in Russia.

 

What it all comes down to, is that some woman married you for citizenship and an easy life. Unless you want to be taken for all you got, divorce and put her back on the boat!