Married Men in Strip Clubs

[Carbine]

So a woman reading a sexy romance novel must also be cheating? After all it might be mildly stimulating. Or going to a movie that has some nudity and or a sexy scene is also cheating. I mean it might give you some thoughts. How about a Las Vegas style show with Topless dancers is cheating. How about going to the beach? I see alot more skin at the beach then you see in some clubs.

 

Firstly, you find me one, just one male who has a problem with his SO reading romance novels. This whole thing is situation-dependent, but for argument's sake - yes, the novel could easily classify as 'cheating'. If my partner had a problem with me reading one of these novels then I'd drop it like a hot potato. As for the other examples you've given - yes, a Las Vegas Show is cheating. I'd tend towards a "no" for the movie and the beach, that is unless he went to these specifically to become aroused. I can justify coming across the odd nude scene in a movie (if it's a legit part of the plot) and skin at the beach (once again, theres a good reason for people to be scantily clad there). But I can not justify SC's because they have no unique feature which defines them as being anything other than a pure sexual service.

 

There was a time that men could go to men's clubs places that were off limits to woman. The woman's movement put an end to that type of club. Under pressure that started allowing woman to join.

 

If they're off limits to women then why are they filled with naked girls?! What's there to complain about anyway, if all the activities were 'above board'? Are a few female customers really going to make a difference to your enjoyment? In fact, I would have thought that men would find it a turn-on being in the company of female customers who get aroused by watching other women?

 

The Topless dancing is a secondary thing [...]They have no desire to sleep with those woman.

 

What, the naked girls cavorting around have that little effect on male customers?? Are you saying you dont find them arousing in any way shape or form? Why then are men so ready to jump to the defence of their beloved SC's?

 

Carbine, If you see it as cheating then thats your business. Don't try to put your sense of morality on others.

 

Hahaha what reason could I have for pushing my 'sense of morality' on to others? I couldn't care less what other people do, I only care when my life and my wellbeing is directly affected. Perhaps you misinterpreted my enthusiasm for this thread as pushing my 'morals'. I was simply putting my POV forward for debate. But if you want to see things differently then I'm not going to argue.

[rainfall]

So a woman reading a sexy romance novel must also be cheating? After all it might be mildly stimulating. Or going to a movie that has some nudity and or a sexy scene is also cheating. I mean it might give you some thoughts. How about a Las Vegas style show with Topless dancers is cheating. How about going to the beach? I see alot more skin at the beach then you see in some clubs.

There was a time that men could go to men's clubs places that were off limits to woman. The woman's movement put an end to that type of club. Under pressure that started allowing woman to join. I Know a great many men that go to strip clubs to simply socialise with other men. They Know that most woman would not show up in one of those clubs so they hang with the guys. The Topless dancing is a secondary thing. Guys get to hang out with other guys and just be a guy. Have a cigar a few drinks swap stories tell some dirty jokes and then go home. They have no desire to sleep with those woman in fact if they even make a to forward advance they could get their arms broken by a Bouncer.

Carbine, If you see it as cheating then thats your business. Don't try to put your sense of morality on others. You better just lock yourself in your home no HBO or TV for that matter. turn off the radio there justt might bea song with suggesive lyrics. so read the Bible Oh wait There isa lot of sex in the bible so better not go there either.

 

Why do people always bring up the sexy romance novel and think it compares in anyway to a stripclub. You can not pay any of the characters money in the novel to magical tranform in a living person who will rub all over you. However I really HAVE NO INTREST in romance novels. They bore me. I tried to read one once and got to maybe the second chapther before I wanted to die from being so bored.

 

If the naked chicks aren't important for "guy bonding" then why not go to a sports bar or pool hall?

I only really care what goes on in my relationship. I just want to try to understand how anyone could ever consider it ok to recieve sexual services from someone other then their partner.\

Yes a lap dance is a sexual service. You have a naked chick dry humping you and shoving her naked breasts into your face. (and from what I have heard sometimes mouth)

[Wantingtogetitright]

First the issue was not about lap dances, cheating etc etc. I trust my parner and know that he won't cheat on me (why else would you stay with someone if you didn't). I simply had the issue with partnered people having tits and pussy shoved in their face and being a part of that sad group of men that find it stimulating to be degarded in that way. I don't see the women as being degraded, all power to them for making money off sad pathetic losers.

 

So anyway update. He went, against my wishes although he came close to changing his mind and then once there instantly regretted his choice. Fully understands where I was coming from and has promised to never ever go again no matter what the circumstances. So I guess some good came of it. He realised how I was feeling and realised how he was feeling seeing all these women showing off their bits and that he didn't want to see them etc regardess of the fact it was just a boys night out type thing.

 

I went thru hell the entire night, got wasted, got ill, burnt my foot on a dropped ciggy, fell off the loo, get into a bit of a mess really, so when he got home I ignored him and the next day called the whole thing off! which lead to some very open and honest discussions so it is all good.

 

Rock solid, stronger than ever etc etc:love:

 

So if any partnered men happen upon this thread, think about your SO and the harm you may be doing them even if you see it as harmless fun etc. Women if you consider it cheating just by watching some chick get her kit off then you have bigger issues to deal with.

 

Thank you for all your thoughts and advice from everyone in this thread. I guess I sought validation that I wasn't being unreasonable, of if I was to try and understand why it was OK with others and why etc.

 

Again thank you all.

[jmargel]

If my man did the same thing you did there is no way in hell I should trust him. His sorry cheating shallow butt would be out the door so freakin fast. No one but me should ever be naked on top of my boyfriend nuzzling him.

How can anyone think this type of behavior is OK?

 

It is because she TRUSTS me. I have never done anything for her to think I would cheat on her. Plus she is the type to not get hung-up about things like this. We both know if either of us cheated, the other would leave.

 

My brother bought me the lap-dance for my bachelor's party, I didn't buy it myself. You are at a strip club and these things happen. When you go back for a VIP dance, it's not like you go back with the dancer to talk about the current news in the world..

 

For some people like you, it bothers them to have their SO getting a VIP dance, to others it doesn't bother them. However to judge a person just because they think differently than you is wrong. I didn't cheat, I didn't screw her or kiss her. I didn't ask for her number.

 

Honestly my ex sounded like you.. Funny to find out that, even though I never went to one while being with her, she did behind my back.. Then cheated on me. Funny how things work,, huh?

[enoughisenough]

So you wouldn't mind either if she paid a naked man to sit on her lap and rub her?

 

Men who do this on a regular basis:

Why you need this type of affection from another woman is what you should be asking yourself.

[jmargel]

So you wouldn't mind either if she paid a naked man to sit on her lap and rub her?

 

Men who do this on a regular basis:

Why you need this type of affection from another woman is what you should be asking yourself.

 

When they give lap dances, they are only topless.

 

However if my wife (who used to bartend at a strip club, but never danced) wanted a lap dance from some guy, more power to her. I trust her not to do anything that would hurt me. If she was honest about everything then I would not have a problem.

 

She had a bacholorette party and she was free to goto a strip club if she wished. However she chose to goto a dance club with some of her girlfriends. She could have just as easily taken some guy for the night or done something inappropirate there. Though I trust her when she said she was good.

 

Though with my ex going, she lied to me. Right from the start it set off red flags and when something is started off with a lie and allows your imagination to run wild and think of the worst.

 

IMO it's all how you approach this. And it's also how much you trust your SO. There are certain boundaries that you don't cross and every couple is different. There are deal-breakers in every relationship and that is the responsibility for both people to let the other know what they are.

 

However by 'forbidding' or 'not allowing' the other to experience what they want, IMO is wrong. The best you can do in that case is to say 'It would really bother me if you went to the strip club', instead of saying 'If you goto one I'm leaving you'. By saying the latter, it's almost a guarantee then that eventually problems will start.

 

You can have fun, even in a place such as a strip club without feeling the need to cheat.

[rainfall]

When they give lap dances, they are only topless.

 

However if my wife (who used to bartend at a strip club, but never danced) wanted a lap dance from some guy, more power to her. I trust her not to do anything that would hurt me. If she was honest about everything then I would not have a problem.

 

She had a bacholorette party and she was free to goto a strip club if she wished. However she chose to goto a dance club with some of her girlfriends. She could have just as easily taken some guy for the night or done something inappropirate there. Though I trust her when she said she was good.

 

Though with my ex going, she lied to me. Right from the start it set off red flags and when something is started off with a lie and allows your imagination to run wild and think of the worst.

 

IMO it's all how you approach this. And it's also how much you trust your SO. There are certain boundaries that you don't cross and every couple is different. There are deal-breakers in every relationship and that is the responsibility for both people to let the other know what they are.

 

However by 'forbidding' or 'not allowing' the other to experience what they want, IMO is wrong. The best you can do in that case is to say 'It would really bother me if you went to the strip club', instead of saying 'If you goto one I'm leaving you'. By saying the latter, it's almost a guarantee then that eventually problems will start.

 

You can have fun, even in a place such as a strip club without feeling the need to cheat.

 

Oh please..... I have every right to "forbid" my man to have anyone besides me naked grinding into him. If you and your SO are ok with that more power to you. However I am the only one who should touch my bf in a sexual way.

[Topper]

Just because a people get lap dances doesn't mean that just because you go to a club your going to get a lap dance. Hey there are hookers on the street just because they are there doesn't mean That I want one. As i said ifa man is going to cheat he will go and hang out at some of the better bars and clubs in town. If he is has anything on the ball married or not within a few weeks of hitting an good happy hour he will find what he is looking for. If I were you i would worry more if he happens to be having late bussiness meeting and or drinks with a client.

In most states there are laws against nude contact in strip clubs.

Lots of woman go to sports bars and Pool Halls.

[Rhyla]

If you consider the question of roleplaying from a sociological perspective, there is nothing but games. There is no untainted, inner core 'Me' beneath all the masks. Some masks fit you better, you wear them more often and you tend to call them 'me' but you can't say to yourself: "Today I will show her the true me beneath the mask" It's a human thing, only animals have true selves.

 

Humans are animals silly. We follow all the same behavioral principles that animals follow.

[Rhyla]

 

However by 'forbidding' or 'not allowing' the other to experience what they want, IMO is wrong. The best you can do in that case is to say 'It would really bother me if you went to the strip club', instead of saying 'If you goto one I'm leaving you'. By saying the latter, it's almost a guarantee then that eventually problems will start.

 

I would never "forbid" my partner from doing anything. However, he knows my boundaries. He is free to cross them, and I am free to leave if he doesnt respect them.

[rainfall]

Just because a people get lap dances doesn't mean that just because you go to a club your going to get a lap dance. Hey there are hookers on the street just because they are there doesn't mean That I want one. As i said ifa man is going to cheat he will go and hang out at some of the better bars and clubs in town. If he is has anything on the ball married or not within a few weeks of hitting an good happy hour he will find what he is looking for. If I were you i would worry more if he happens to be having late bussiness meeting and or drinks with a client.

In most states there are laws against nude contact in strip clubs.

Lots of woman go to sports bars and Pool Halls.

 

We work together and we do not work in the type of place that has drinks or meetings with clients so really I have no reason to worry about something like that. In the state I live in pretty much anything goes in strip clubs. I do not want my man inside a strip club whether he gets a lap dance or not. I desreve better.

[ugot2bu]

I came to this thread because I am a married man and have recently been to a strip club. My wife see's it as an act of unfaithfulness and she is right. That is exactly what it was. I paid a woman to get naked, caress me privately, and make me feel like she wanted me. Guilty!! I am a man with a sexual appetite that is unreal. I want passionate, long, exhausting sex, for the rest of my life.

 

Everyday if time permits. Now with that being said it is easy to assume I am an easy candidate for infidelity. Expecially in consideration of the topic here. Yet my wife was my only focus for my sexual energy and she was my only desire. Damn she is the hottest woman I have ever been with. I was faithful and honest with her about every aspect of my being with the knowledge that she loved me for who I was and I could be open and honest and recieve no criticism.

 

Then progressively she became less understanding and less accepting of me and who I am. I noticed more and more that by being honest I was just giving her more to complain about. Then I became a real ******* and started lieing to try and minimize the complaints and put downs. She began criticising my every move and action. Then with this new found disapproval came neglection sexually and emotionally.

 

Her treating me as if I wasn't good enough for her and putting me down everyday, then not giving me the affection and sexual satisfaction I need was the same as giving me the money and telling me to go get a lapdance. I have to live with the knowledge that I have betrayed my wife's trust and our "already in progress at time of incident" divorce will now be tainted by my sinful action.

 

But I tell you with confidence that a man or woman who is recieving what they need from their SO will not do such things. My wife called me several unpleasant names and accused me of doing several unpleasant deeds similar to going to SC's during our marriage. Well I finally did what she accused me of doing and I liked it.

 

I know it was wrong and desperate but that stripper made me feel like I was worth something. Hell at this point in my life feeling like fifty bucks is a plus. I hope everyone who has been hurt by a pathetic loser like me either finds a better man or becomes a better woman. And remember to ask Jesus for his forgiveness and guidance because we all have sinned and none of us are worthy.

[CATENZA]

Her treating me as if I wasn't good enough for her and putting me down everyday, then not giving me the affection and sexual satisfaction I need was the same as giving me the money and telling me to go get a lapdance. I have to live with the knowledge that I have betrayed my wife's trust and our "already in progress at time of incident" divorce will now be tainted by my sinful action.

 

 

Was ur wife mis treating you before or after you went to the strip joint?

 

I am in a similar situation with my husband. About 2 months ago he came home smelling like womens perfume, his crotch of his pants and his fleece sweater. I thought he was one place but he ended up at the SC unplanned... Also, at the time I was 7 months pregnant. If it wasn't for the perfume I would of never known. After I called him on it, he told me he had a "few" lap dances. I don't believe that anything more than lapdances went on. He's been to SC's before with me knowing and being ok with it.

 

With this situation I felt hurt, disrespected and betrayed! Not only did he lie to me about it but where in his head does it seem right to go to a strip club when you wife is sitting home waiting up for you 7 months pregnant?

[Woggle]

It's funny how a man is a jerk if he goes to a strip club but a woman is a liberated feminist if she cheats. The hypocrisy is just astounding.

[a4a]

It's funny how a man is a jerk if he goes to a strip club but a woman is a liberated feminist if she cheats. The hypocrisy is just astounding.

 

:rolleyes:

 

In your world....... not in mine.

 

Do you really believe that is how the vast majority of people feel?

If so you are sadly mistaken.

 

But carry on in your world of hateful women and beaten down men.

Ya' must like it because it is the only view you choose to see.

[Woggle]

:rolleyes:

 

In your world....... not in mine.

 

Do you really believe that is how the vast majority of people feel?

If so you are sadly mistaken.

 

But carry on in your world of hateful women and beaten down men.

Ya' must like it because it is the only view you choose to see.

 

Yes that is how the majority of women feel. I was just on that board about women's infidelity and it is disgusting. How any woman can complain about strip clubs after reading what is on that board is beyond me.

[a4a]

Yes that is how the majority of women feel. I was just on that board about women's infidelity and it is disgusting. How any woman can complain about strip clubs after reading what is on that board is beyond me.

 

and check out the board about people who like to eat snake meat..... lots of pro snake meat eaters there too.....

 

Dude you are fishing for validation consistantly on why you should hate women. You are obsessed with it aren't you?

 

Still seeing the shrink I hope.

 

and what does a cheating skank have to do with nice women/men that don't think going to strip clubs as a healthy choice for their own M/R?

[VirtualInsanity]

No man should every marry if he plans to put his wife in a position where she has to question his love for her...ever! ...that is just ridiculous!

 

Marriage is a partnership...not monopoly!

 

I agree.

 

Speaking for myself I'm not okay with it. Would I dump someone if they went once or twice, probably not. But if it became something that was out of control and made me question then yes I'd drop him.

[Rhyla]

It's funny how a man is a jerk if he goes to a strip club but a woman is a liberated feminist if she cheats. The hypocrisy is just astounding.

 

I dont think anyone in this thread said that, or would agree with it. In fact, I know no one who agree with that. I dont know where you get that notion, but 99% of people (both men and women) still believe it is wrong to cheat for ANY reason (based on statistics - of course the number that do is disgustingly discrepant from that 99% but that goes for both sides as well)

[Rhyla]

Yes that is how the majority of women feel. I was just on that board about women's infidelity and it is disgusting. How any woman can complain about strip clubs after reading what is on that board is beyond me.

 

So you find a message board that represents a very small, select group, and then generalize that to the rest of the population? Wow, beats me how that makes any sense...use the head on your shoulders man! For christs sake, I could go find a message board for pedophiles and go on about how ALL men are disgusting pervs obsessed with sleeping with children.

[Carbine]

Why do people always bring up the sexy romance novel and think it compares in anyway to a stripclub. You can not pay any of the characters money in the novel to magical tranform in a living person who will rub all over you. However I really HAVE NO INTREST in romance novels. They bore me. I tried to read one once and got to maybe the second chapther before I wanted to die from being so bored.

 

*shrug* I know, but sometimes you just have to humour people. If I feel compelled to disect things down to the nth degree in an attempt to make men understand then I will be harsh and try and explain why reading the novel may (albeit vaguely) be 'cheating'. But I mean, who the hell actually feels this way?? It just goes to show how oblivious men are to the whole stripper=infidelity thing if they're comparing going to a SC with reading a romance novel! And that's the real issue here - not what men 'may' compare to SC's in a theoretical sense to simply divert the argument, but what 'does' compare to SCs. If I went up to my ex and asked him if a novel = cheating, he'd probably keel over with laughter. But if he felt uncomfortable about my reading a novel for a specific reason then id drop the novel quick smart. For example, if the novel's main character was a big, sexy muscly dude and my SO was hurt by this because he's not big and buff.

 

Hey Rain, I hate romance novels as well, i'd rather watch paint dry! But there's one you should check out. It's called 'Riders' by Jilly Cooper. Actually its more of a sex novel than anything else. Regardless, its absoluely hilarious and kicks the crap out of all the 'holier-than-though-love-will-win-in-the-end' novels. The main male character is a womaniser who gets away with everything and still wins in the end, nobody loves the fat chicks till they lose weight, and everyone's in it for themselves. Much closer to real life than Mills and Boon .

 

My brother bought me the lap-dance for my bachelor's party, I didn't buy it myself. You are at a strip club and these things happen

 

I find that sickening. These things happen eh? Deny all responsibility once you walk through the SC's doors. It's even worse and more insulting than the whole "I was blind drunk" excuse.

 

I tell you what, if I found out that *my* brother in law had not only advocated, but engineered my SO's cheating on me, then he'd be kicked out of my house and banned from there in the blink of an eye. These men are the sorts of people who tell everyone what a great girl has married his brother, brings her flowers when invited for dinner and kisses her on the cheek when he leaves. Then he takes his brother out and encourages him to cheat on this great girl. That's sick. But as they say, you can't chose your family...

[Wantingtogetitright]

ok having re-read through this entire thread seeing as I started it here is my summary.

 

No woman is "OK" with her SO attending a strip club. Many reasons abound but the overwhelming majority feels it is disrespectful to their relationship by way of the man being exposed to and "entertained" by some chick flashing her tits and other below the belt areas. If they want to see this then surely the SO is all they need to see and should see.

 

Lap dances - completely off topic as strippers getting their kit off and lap dances in my mind are 2 different things and not one sane person here would equate the two. A lap dance is tantamount to cheating, it is contact and as someone else so eloquently put it when it comes to a naked female grinding away on top of my SO the only female doing that should be me. If any female or male feels that this is acceptable within a relationship then I believe there are bigger boundary and respect issues at stake here.

 

Attending a strip club and "watching" a chick get her gear off and tease herself and play with her bits etc etc (not lap dances, as I said that is different) within a normal healthy relationship is plain and simply wrong. If someone feels that this is cheating then I agree that it is cheating in that if the SO is clearly against it because it causes them pain then the cheating comes from the fact that he is betraying her emotionally and not accepting her feelings on this. Provided she has fully explained her reasons etc and he is clear on this. He then has a choice to make on if he goes and the consequences of his actions as has been posted by the previous married man who chose to go (as did my partner who has also now seen the harm it did to me and us).

 

Having been to strip clubs myself in the past as I stated in my first post the places smack of degradation and desperation (not the women the men) and I don't want my partner being looked upon in such a way which indirectly reflects on me if he is attending such places.

 

Single men I have no problem with going if this is the only way they can get their jollies and see naked women etc etc. If any man is willing to pay money for a woman to strip naked and grind herself on his bits for his gratification and look at him like some desperate loser (which believe me that's all these women see) then I pity you.

[jmargel]

I find that sickening. These things happen eh? Deny all responsibility once you walk through the SC's doors. It's even worse and more insulting than the whole "I was blind drunk" excuse.

 

I tell you what, if I found out that *my* brother in law had not only advocated, but engineered my SO's cheating on me, then he'd be kicked out of my house and banned from there in the blink of an eye. These men are the sorts of people who tell everyone what a great girl has married his brother, brings her flowers when invited for dinner and kisses her on the cheek when he leaves. Then he takes his brother out and encourages him to cheat on this great girl. That's sick. But as they say, you can't chose your family...

 

Re-read ALL of my posts before taking one snippit out of context to help booster your own case. I find that very immature that you would do something like this. I suggest before replying again that you re-read the WHOLE post including all of my comments.

 

Maybe you would like to talk to my wife and try to convince her I was cheating, since she was perfectly OK with this, and even me going out to a SC later with another female.

 

And no she is not subservant wimp. It's that she trusts me, and is not insecure like some women on here. For you to try to point out guys here who have gone to SCs and try to point the finger at us, saying we cheated is just disgusting. I really hope you look at your own insecurities and what has caused this.

 

No woman is "OK" with her SO attending a strip club.

 

Well geez.. I guess you speak for every woman in this world. Congrats. I don't think anyone as ever been able to get everyone to agree to one thing. Or in other words.. Get over yourself.

 

It's all about trusting your partner. It's not environment or the situation they are in that makes them cheat. It's their immaturity and personality that does. And by just going to a strip club does not mean you are immature, have a personality problem or a cheater. Period.

 

Maybe you are jealous of the girls there, I don't know. But whatever it may be, I really hope you keep your mind a little more open about subjects like this.

[Sevenmack]

Well Jmargel, you're dealing with women who really don't have a clue about what goes on in strip clubs -- or about infidelity in general.

 

Strippers don't want to have sex with their clients; why do that when they can get the money just for displaying their wares? The average stripper, in fact, wouldn't even date a client, largely because the client is usually a 'square' with a 'square' life and couldn't handle the drama that makes up a stripper's life. The client isn't interested either, in general, because the whole purpose of going to a strip club is to unwind and enjoy a fantasy in which women take off their clothes for you without demanding you to marry them, become their boyfriend and the like.

 

The average lapdance is hardly scintillating; she dances on your crotch, but your pants are still on and unless you're easily aroused, it takes a lot of work to get it up. A lot of my pals don't even bother with all that because it's like throwing $20 or $60 for a tease; just give them the dollar bills and you'll be fine.

 

The stripper, in other words, isn't a threat to one's marriage. The true threat is that of time -- people change and so do their desires -- and lack of communication with each other about respective wants and needs. And if there's any woman who wants anyone's husband or boyfriend, it's usually a woman with whom he works at the office -- she's looking for a man -- or one of the wife's friends. But even they aren't a threat to the relationship or a cause of infidelity. The cause of infidelity is relationship neglect.

 

Work on the relationship, not on banning husbands from the occasional strip club stroll.

[Guest]

all I can say is there are many men( althgouth there are men who are fulfilled and find they don't need to refuel their sophomoric want to still feel like a desirable man to other women) feel the ENTITLEMENT to having a woman at home and the opportunity to fulfill their CHOICE to bolster their masculinity and sense of continued desirability---because it just isn't enough for them to get that at home.

 

YUP--PATHETIC

MOST women don't ever want, need or look to refuel their femininity-womanly desirabilty outside of their relationship when they have a loving partner--they are satisfied, fulfilled and mindful of the man in their life and the relationship!!!!!!!