Sylky Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 I've just gotten back with my boyfriend, we were together for 6 years and then he broke up with me and we had a break of around 6 months. He came back to me and since we've been together he has this friend (girl) who constantly texts him and he sees her maybe once a week for dinner. I read some of these texts and they are very flirty. I know that he isn't cheating on me with her but I am really stressed out as I wonder why would he be doing this when he's supposed to be with me. Should I confront him and if I do, I know he will say that I have been insecure, I've already spoken to him a couple of times about it but I read more of these texts and it upsets me so much. I do love him a lot but am scared that he will get angry at me for checking his phone. Link to post Share on other sites
snow_flake Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 I may not neccesarily be the best person to give you advice on this as you may have seen from my thread I am going through a similar problem. I've realized though through my previous experiences that when something bothers you, especially on that kind of level, you HAVE to talk about it. It's not going to go away if you don't. Of all things it will eat you alive which will in turn affect how you act in the relationship thereby pushing him away and into the arms of the other girl. It's a problem and if he values you and the relationship enough, he will make the right decision. You have every right to feel uneasy about her text messages to him. If he defends it or refuses to stop this behavior then you should really re-evaluate if he is the one for you. Also, do your best to confront him and discuss it with him in a calm but concerned manner. Being hysterical or angry never helps the situation. Know that his first defense will most likely be to turn it around on you snooping through his phone. But, the important thing is that the cat's out of the bag and the issue that should be addressed first is the girl and the text messages, not the phone privacy. BEST OF LUCK to you!! I really hope everything works out for the better! Link to post Share on other sites
BeachBlonde Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 What do you mean by 'flirty'? What are they saying to each other in the texts? Has he always been friends with this girl or is this someone he met while you two were on a break? If you tell him that you went through his phone, you're right....he might call you insecure. But if you don't say anything, it's just going to eat away at you and bother you even more. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 If they are "just friends", then there should be NO REASON he can't invite you along to some of their private dinners together. Tell him that would help you feel better about things, and go with him the next few times they go to dinner. If he refuses to introduce you to his "friend" and invite you to dinner with them, there's a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sylky Posted March 16, 2007 Author Share Posted March 16, 2007 Thanks for all your advice above. I did confront him and he said that they are just friends and if she ever crossed the line he would put an end to it. I've also told him that if he goes to dinner next I'm coming along. She is still texting him. I checked his phone this morning. In these messages, she says things like 'I know you want to take me out to dinner, because you LOVE me .' Stuff like that. He became friends with her while we were on a break. She knows that we are together, so she's being so sly with these text messages. She is probably just praying that we both don't work out and she'll be in there like flyn. I trust him, but don't trust her at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 That text girl is sleeping with your man!!!!! have you ever asked him that your relationship is a open on or a closed on cause right now honey it's a open one with a 24/7 door available to your man!!!!! I've just gotten back with my boyfriend, we were together for 6 years and then he broke up with me and we had a break of around 6 months. He came back to me and since we've been together he has this friend (girl) who constantly texts him and he sees her maybe once a week for dinner. I read some of these texts and they are very flirty. I know that he isn't cheating on me with her but I am really stressed out as I wonder why would he be doing this when he's supposed to be with me. Should I confront him and if I do, I know he will say that I have been insecure, I've already spoken to him a couple of times about it but I read more of these texts and it upsets me so much. I do love him a lot but am scared that he will get angry at me for checking his phone. Link to post Share on other sites
kimberlyk Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 This just sounds so ridiculous to me...I would never do that to someone and I wouldn't take it from someone else. If he were my guy, I would say let her have him. I would maybe be more understanding if he had known her for many years or something, but you said that he met her while on a break from you...why does he keep temptation in front of him? ...incessant text messages, flirting, dinner..."LOVE" ...Something just does not smell right! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 All I can say is that it takes two to tango. Tell him to shut it down and if he's not willing, you have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 Wow just wow all I can say is if it was me and I happned to see a text on my bfs cell anything like this!....'I know you want to take me out to dinner, because you LOVE me.. There would be some major explaning to be done to ME. Just to me personaly the fact that he excepts such behaviour from her knowing how sad/upset it makes you feel is just horrible. And also if this is a girl he met while you guys were broken up then there is the chance that they were more then friends in the past and you may or may not even know about it. Eather way thats just not excaptable in a adult careing stable relashionship at lease I know it wouldent be in mine.. Link to post Share on other sites
BeachBlonde Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 I agree... if he isn't willing to stop talking to her, then that's bad news. I know this isn't his ex, but this happens all too often where guys aren't willing to stop talking to their ex girlfriends when they know it hurts their current girlfriend- that's when you need to re-think your relationship. I remember when my boyfriend's ex girlfriend kept texting him and I never told him once that he couldn't be friends with her- but he ended up telling her to stop contacting him because he cared about my feelings and didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable. You shouldn't have to put up with him spending time with her ALONE and going out to dinner when she obviously has feelings for him, or is just being really flirty from what you've said about the text messages. If it was the other way around, I'm sure he'd be very upset. Link to post Share on other sites
MotherGooze Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 so he said he's put an end to it if she crossed the line, but don't you think that message is far beyond that line? I think she already crossed it, I think you do too. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 Thanks for all your advice above. I did confront him and he said that they are just friends and if she ever crossed the line he would put an end to it. I've also told him that if he goes to dinner next I'm coming along. She is still texting him. I checked his phone this morning. In these messages, she says things like 'I know you want to take me out to dinner, because you LOVE me .' Stuff like that. He became friends with her while we were on a break. She knows that we are together, so she's being so sly with these text messages. She is probably just praying that we both don't work out and she'll be in there like flyn. I trust him, but don't trust her at all. Friends? Or did they hook up while you were on break? Did you ask about that? He doesn't think she's already crossed the line because she's causing you anxiety? When would he think she crossed the line, then? When she kisses him? Something more? What exactly does he see in her that they are friends? Do they have interests in common? A passion for dinner? Sweets, I know you want to believe him that they're just friends. And maybe they are, but he's getting an ego boost out of her messages, and you'll be the one who is hurt when it "crosses the line". Tell him where you think the line is, and keep your eyes open. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sylky Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 Well, I we had another argument about it and it's now over. Since we have been back together, 5 weeks we have been arguing and just not getting along. I don't seem to trust him and he's not giving me 100%. So we both broke it off mutually and parted ways. It was very hard as this is the 3rd time we have had to say goodbye. We both love each other heaps, but we're both probably not in the frame of mind to be together. Who knows maybe we will get back together in the future but at this stage we need some time apart. Thanks everyone for your words of advice. I just hope my life gets back on track... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Five weeks of fighting is a long time. It sounds like there were other factors involved besides the text girl. I do wish you the best of luck. Many people on LS are going through breakups too so you can find a lot of information on it here. Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to shed some tears. It does hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 I completely understand what you mean. My bf has this friend of his on the internet (girl by the way). They have their own inside jokes and talk all the time. Makes me feel jealous and kind of like **** eventhough she lives about 3 hours away. It still makes me mad because i feel as though i should be the only girl in his life. I dont think that makes me possessive but he gets jealous if i talk to my guy friends. I think you should talk to him about it and get it in the open. If you dont its only going to bother you even more and you'll eventually blow up at him which isnt good at all. Hope that helps! Link to post Share on other sites
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