attraction - works for some?

[Noos]

Why is it that some people can attract the people they fancy but others attract people that they aren't interested in? And they get rebuffed by the ones they are interested in and attracted to?

 

What is going wrong?

 

Is it a failure to recognise one's own league and to stay in one's own league or is it luck or is it something else?

 

I've never been asked out or approached by someone I felt was attractive. I've been turned down by the people I'd want to date.

[2ndIINone]

most likely cause' your approach is all wrong.

If A shows too much interest in B... B is turned off because the challenge is GONE. (even within minutes of the approach) Attractive B's are use to getting hit on, randomly asked out and approached by A's. So why should be like everyone else? Create attraction with an attractive person... instead of skipping right to the "Asking out"

 

A must first 'create' some kind of attraction first BEFORE the "Can I have your number?" or "You're very pretty..." BLAH! B already knows she's pretty, she doesn't need to be flattered any more. Most likely, B would be more attracted to an A that shows little to NO interest.

 

Think "Hitch"... if you haven't seen it... watch it. There's alot to learn from it... lot of truth. Attraction isn't always about 'looks'. It's more effective when it effects how a person feels rather then what they 'see'.

 

Think about it this way.... when a B approaches you and you are NOT interested, why do they pursue you more? It's because of the "I don't care" way you carry yourself. Never try to be a 'player' , cause a smart B can read right through you.

[unknown_soldier]

Most likely, B would be more attracted to an A that shows little to NO interest.

 

I always think about this.. cause it is true, but also when you show NO interest it usually has to be a genuine NO interest, not a "I'm really interested but I'm pretending not to be interested".. cause you can just tell. So it's kind of an oxymoron. I used to do that, I'd like some girl, so I'd force myself to not think about her so highly.. not just on the outside, but on the inside, cause there's no way I can be so into her on the inside and not let it show. I have to REALLY not be so into her for me to act like I'm not that into her.

[Hitman10000]

most likely cause' your approach is all wrong.

If A shows too much interest in B... B is turned off because the challenge is GONE. (even within minutes of the approach) Attractive B's are use to getting hit on, randomly asked out and approached by A's. So why should be like everyone else? Create attraction with an attractive person... instead of skipping right to the "Asking out"

 

A must first 'create' some kind of attraction first BEFORE the "Can I have your number?" or "You're very pretty..." BLAH! B already knows she's pretty, she doesn't need to be flattered any more. Most likely, B would be more attracted to an A that shows little to NO interest.

 

Think "Hitch"... if you haven't seen it... watch it. There's alot to learn from it... lot of truth. Attraction isn't always about 'looks'. It's more effective when it effects how a person feels rather then what they 'see'.

 

Think about it this way.... when a B approaches you and you are NOT interested, why do they pursue you more? It's because of the "I don't care" way you carry yourself. Never try to be a 'player' , cause a smart B can read right through you.

 

No, it's about looks and feeling. Yeah, I'm sure girls will give average fat slob joe a chance because he "makes her feel good" , they wouldn't want to waste time with Daniel Craig from James Bond or Brad Pitt from Oceans Eleven.

 

Don't think "Hitch", Use your gut.

[boshemia]

A lot of times it's a simple matter of marketing. How you present yourself to others shows a lot about who you are as a person. If you don't think you are worth "buying" then no one else will either.

 

People feel more comfortable approaching someone that makes themselves approachable. Smiling, laughing, making eye contact... not being afraid to just walk up and say hi all help a great deal.

 

Maybe you are looking outside of your league... but most of the time people are just looking for someone they can have fun with, and someone who looks like they NEED a relationship just isn't as attractive as someone who is just having fun with life.

[2ndIINone]

Don't think "Hitch", Use your gut.

Yeah, I'm sure girls will give average fat slob joe a chance because he "makes her feel good"

 

My best friend rates himself as a two... 255lbs, 5'5", still lives at home at 34... he's dating a nine with her own place and she adores him. He didn't have to approach her... cause he made himself 'stand out' above the guys that were hitting on her.

 

using your 'gut' is exactly what gets people into trouble now a days.

First instincts seem to have never been more wrong.

Think about how many "A's" you have known that may have sent roses to a "B".... to get their attention, their affection, their forgiveness... and all it really did was eat a $50.00 hole in their wallet, get em' a simple "Thank you" and then the "B" jumps in the sack with "C" who showed less interest.

 

I say think "Hitch" because he displays 'creating attraction" perfectly. The movie was great and informative right up until the end when he spills his guts and his heart to the girl. In reality, THAT'S when she would lose interest. But, that's Hollywood.

Being a perfect stranger to someone, and doing something that makes a person say "WOW!" ... something clever, witty..... is what starts the attraction. And NOT stepping up to a pretty "B" and saying.. "Hey, can I buy you a drink?"... "You're hot"... or the good ol' "I think you have a mirror in your pants..." blah blah blah lines...

 

and someone who looks like they NEED a relationship just isn't as attractive as someone who is just having fun with life.

Right on!

[Kamille]

Hi Noos,

 

Good question. I hate it when I get a lot of attention from the 'wrong' guys. Or maybe I hate getting 'the wrong kind of attention' from otherwise perfectly normal guys. And then having to have that unconfortable turn-him down moment. brrrr.

 

In a way, I've started applying my friends's philosophy to all approaches: she takes it all as a flattering compliment. Not one that she needs to reciprocate on, but ones that proves that she's got it going on.

 

Because really, somewhere out there is a woman who is broken hearted over that man you don't find interesting.